Tag Archives: dark humour

Early Wednesday Morning Humour

When a young lady named Ann
Called me a very bad man,
I said, “I haven’t done anything yet!”,
She said, “that I very much regret!”.
She’s a naughty young lady is Ann!

When a young lady named Leigh
Said that she enjoys reading poetry,
I suggested a hot date
With Leigh and Miss Kate,
As my favourite number is 3!

When a young lady named Joan
Hid behind an ancient gravestone,
A corpse passing by
Said, with a sigh,
“Joan, I wish to be alone!”.

When a teenager eating icecream
Knocked at my door on Halloween
And said, “trick or treat?”,
I revealed my clawed feet,
And I screamed an unearthly scream!

How Convenient To Have A Graveyard So Close To My Home

How convenient to have a graveyard
So close to my home.
‘Twill not be hard
As, when I die
There will not be far to go
For my bones
But, you know
The place has remained undisturbed
By burials for many a year.
I am perturbed
And shed a tear
As I do not know
Where I shall go
When I die.

Perhaps my ashes will, in a pub find a place
And the drinker, with his or her flushed face
Will look at me and say,
“He used to drink this way.
Another beer
Here barman, for I feel suddenly queer
And must drink
Else I shall think
On dust
And he, who has into the grave been thrust!”.

I dislike
The idea of fire
And my desire
Is for burial. Yet the night
Will come down all the same
So why should I care
Whether I am consumed by flame
Or end up underground?
For the truth profound
Is that I will not be there
To know or care.

A Young Lady Whose Name is Beth

A young lady whose name is Beth
Went out seeking for Death,
But Death, finding her attentions intrusive,
Became very elusive,
So she’s ancient, and searching for Death.


Tis easy to forget
In a girl’s bright eyes.
For betwixt her life-giving thighs
Man for a moment dies
In love or lust.

‘Tis a prelude
Ere he does conclude
Where dust
Does replace
The girl’s pretty face
And man is bust.

If Each Glass Told A Tale

If each glass told a tale
We would turn pale
And take
To avoid their
Impassive stare.

Many a glass would break.
Such an easy mistake
To make
To catch a mirror, with an elbow
And watch it go
And see our sinning
In fragments on the floor,
To be spoken of no more
By the all-seeing eye …