Category Archives: uncategorised

Awaking in a Pool Full of Seals

Awaking in a pool full of seals
I saw a young lady in heels.
When I said, “am I drunk!”,
She replied, “as a holy monk,
You should avoid pools full of seals!”

Whilst Walking Through Thunder and Heavy Rain

Whilst walking through thunder and heavy rain
I met a young lady named Jane
Who said, “oh kindly fella
Do lend me your umbrella!”.
That Jane she must be perfectly insane!

Miss White and the Gentleman’s Club

A young lady known as Miss White
Lost her stockings and dress last night
In an exclusive club
Called the Gentleman’s Rub.
And I did write all last night …

An Arrangement

She lost her dress
After food and wine.
She had to confess
That the line
Between an ordinary
And an extraordinary
Date, was …

All kinds of paid
Arrangements are made.
She was
Down on her luck.
And a lonely man
Can easily book
A discreet meet.

The Crocodile

Whilst swimming in the great river Nile
I met with a hungry old crocodile.
When he opened his jaws wide
I slipped a big bell inside.
Now he chimes, which makes people smile!

When a Young Lady Wearing Fashionable Shoes

When a young lady wearing fashionable shoes
Got drunk on some very strong booze,
They said to her, “dear Rose,
May we suggest that some clothes
Would go well with those fashionable shoes!”

There Once Was a Rake Named Howe

There once was a rake named Howe
Who liked to dress as a cow.
He tempted young farming women
Into all kinds of sinning.
So the farmers they skinned that cow!

Online

Its all there
If you care
To look online.
Oh, women and wine
Are truly divine!
And the word internet,
It rhymes with regret!

(Note: I am a fan of the work of the poet Dowson, who famously referred to “days of wine and roses” in his fine poem “They Are Not Long”).

Going to Hell in a Handcart

A most dissolute young lady named Miss Heart
Said, “we’re going to hell in a handcart!”.
But the road being bumpy
And the Devil’s custard lumpy,
I said, “me and this handcart must part!”