Tag Archives: humour

Army Days (Humour)

My old friend, Jeff Grant told me the following story about his time in the army.

… “Reminds me of a story that went around in the army. The army weren’t exactly noted for the depth and rigour of their educational classes. But we had one
once a week in basic training. i can remember nothing whatever about it except this story that went the rounds. A squad of raw recruits were taken by their
NCO to their education class. He told them, as he left – “You’re going to get a lecture on Keats this afternoon. And you’d better take notice, ‘cos when
I come back I’ll want to know what a Keat is.”

(For Jeff’s blog please go to, https://besonian.wordpress.com/).

Kevin

Fleecem and Proper

Said store owner Fleecem, to his assistant Proper
This metal here, it is but copper
But to the unwary shopper
‘Twill pass for gold
Let us be bold
And fleece ‘Em proper”!

But old Bill
The local copper
Nabbed those two, Fleecem and Proper!

The Hungry Hound

The below poem is dedicated to my guide dog Trigger, and my generous colleagues who, from time to time sacrifice their lunch to a hungry canine.

—

I am Trigger.
My stomach is bigger
Than you think.
Your lunch will be gone in the blink
Of an Eye.
Then away I fly.
Should you ask “who stole my lunch?” I reply
“Nnot I
But, dear reader, I lie …!..
I have been known to eat plastic.
My reach is elastic.
You think your food Safe?
My friend brace
Yourself for a shock
For I will gobble the lot!
Be it ever so hot!

Who Would A Poet Be?

The poet lays bare his soul
For the whole
World to see.
So who would a poet be?

Or perchance he hides in clever rhyme
How he does spend his time.
For ‘Tis no crime
To obfuscate a line.

Readers shake their heads.
The poet dreads
Lest they discover
What lies behind the cover …

On Going Through My Junk Mail Folder

“Russian Women Online”,
I am fine
As I am
without your spam!
Go away
I will not pay.
Whatever you say
About beautiful women.
My money I will not be binning.
I will save my hard earned cash.
There you go, into the trash!
Today I will not be sinning.
Goodbye Russian women!

—

The above was prompted by an email received in my spam folder today (29 December 2015). I can not for the life of me think why Gmail placed this missive in junk mail …!

Ere We Die

On seeing the stormy sky
The poet thinks “man must die”.
He sees the young girl bloom
And says “she is destined for the tomb”.
Oh let us gather wild flowers
And not waste our powers
Trapped in ivory towers.
Beware the scholar’s domed head
For we are soon dead.
May our spirit fly
Ere we die
And are lost in endless sky.

Shady Sadie

There was a young lady called Sadie
With a past more than a little shady.
I said “Let us marry
And no longer tarry”.
She made reply
With a scornful sigh
“I would rather die
Than to your arms fly.
Besides, I long ago did marry
A man named Barry
And I am married still
To your best friend Bill”!

Christmas Dinner (Humour, not to be taken seriously)

Happy Christmas to all my followers. I wish you all a peaceful festive season and much joy for the coming year.
The below poem was, needless to say written with my tongue firmly in my cheek and should not be taken seriously. I in no manner whatsoever condone animal cruelty.

—

I shall sit upon a chocolate log
As I stuff my faithful dog.
I shall the turkey walk
As my thought
Revolves around
A question most profound
Where should I the stuffing put
As regards my loyal mut!

She Stood Upon Her Head

“I don’t like rules” she said
As she stood upon her head.
“I agree with thee
‘Tis good to be free.
Now do take tea
With me”
I said with glee.
“But the manager is looking.
Soon the shop he will be shutting.
I hear him shout
“You two, get out”!
She replied with a pout