Tag Archives: old college

Sinister Dexter by Lucy Brazier is available, as a free download in the Kindle store

To celebrate the release of new PorterGirl novel, Sinister Dexter, the first book in the PorterGirl trilogy is available on FREE download for five days from Thursday 26th April!

First Lady Of The Keys is where we first enter Old College and it is certainly not for the faint hearted…

‘Porters are not the carriers of bags, they are the keepers of keys’

As one of the most ancient and esteemed establishments of the academic elite, Old College is in for something of a shock when it appoints its very first female Deputy Head Porter. She struggles to get to grips with this eccentric world, far removed from everyday life. Deputy Head Porter, the proverbial square peg in the round hole, begins to wonder quite what she is doing here. PorterGirl.

First Lady Of The Keys is a touching, and at times laugh-out-loud funny, glimpse into a world that is usually reserved for the upper echelons of society. Whether she is chasing after naked students, drinking copious amounts of tea or getting embroiled in quaint, polite murders, Deputy Head Porter is never far from adventure.

Amazon UK:
http://amzn.to/2aX4W7L
Amazon USA:
http://amzn.to/2aAZzMb

“Sinister Dexter” By Lucy Brazier Is Now Available To Pre-Order

I am very excited to be here, on the wonderful blog of poet extraordinaire Kevin Morris, to share with you the news that the third book in the PorterGirl series is here! Sinister Dexter takes us once again to Old College, where things are never quite as they seem, even when they are.

After avoiding the murderous intentions of The Vicious Circle in First Lady Of The Keys and risking life and limb to find a priceless missing painting in The Vanishing Lord, our heroine Deputy Head Porter finds herself once again at the centre of strange and macabre goings-on in the notorious Old College.

One of the oldest and most illustrious educational establishments in the country, Old College boats a bloody and turbulent 400 year old history and the arrival of its first female Deputy Head Porter has done little to calm matters. If anything, it’s made them worse.

We join Deputy Head Porter at the beginning of a new academic year where the induction of a new Bursar – the enigmatic Professor Dexter Sinistrov – causes ructions. With his first act of office being to cut the tea and biscuit budget for the Porters’ Lodge, he makes himself instantly unpopular with the bowler-hatted staff within. But it is more his penchant for poisoning people that really concerns Deputy Head Porter.

Meanwhile, Head Porter appears to be leading a secret double life and The Dean is convinced that Russian spies are after his job. When two dead bodies turn up at the bottom of the College gardens, Deputy Head Porter is determined that there will not be another College cover-up, even if that does mean begrudgingly working alongside unwelcome outsiders DCI Thompson and DS Kirby. Add to that a wayward College drinking society and an ageing Lothario of a professor and Deputy Head Porter really does have her hands full.

The Blurb:

Sometimes the opposite of right isn’t wrong. It’s left.

Tragedy strikes once more at Old College… The Porters’ Lodge is down to its last tea bag and no one has seen a biscuit for over a week. Almost as troubling are the two dead bodies at the bottom of the College gardens and a woman has gone missing. The Dean is convinced that occult machinations are to blame, Deputy Head Porter suspects something closer to home.

The formidable DCI Thompson refuses to be sidelined and a rather unpleasant Professor gets his comeuppance.

As the body count rises, Head Porter tries to live a secret double life and The Dean believes his job is under threat from the Russian Secret Service.

Deputy Head Porter finds herself with her hands full keeping Old College running smoothly as well as defending herself against the sinister intentions of the new Bursar.

Spies, poisoning, murder – and none of this would be any problem at all, if only someone would get the biscuits out and put the kettle on…

This is the third instalment of the world-renowned PorterGirl series set in the ancient and esoteric Old College. Author Lucy Brazier opens the lid on a world which has sinister overtones in this cozy, BritLit mystery.

Available to pre-order now, general release 27th April 2018.

Amazon UK: https://amzn.to/2uTULKU

Amazon USA: https://amzn.to/2uPGIGr

Secret Diary Of PorterGirl – The Making Of The Book Trailer

Secret Diary Of PorterGirl – The Making Of The Book Trailer

Many thanks to Lucy of Secret Diary Of  Porter Girl for her wonderful guest post. Please do check out Lucy’s blog and her book.

Kevin

Since when did book trailers become a thing? I had not come across them until the release date of my book, Secret Diary Of PorterGirl, loomed ever nearer and people started making mutterings about one. I had previously dipped my toe into the world of moving pictures by making short sketches for the blog with my friend, actor Paul Butterworth. It wasn’t a process I particularly enjoyed, if I’m honest – especially if I was required to be on camera at any time.

But needs must and I gathered together my most trusted and experienced colleagues to scratch our heads about coming up with something suitable. We have previously made numerous music videos and the like, but this was unfamiliar territory. I would be surprised if some of the team had even read a book, you know. However, surrounding myself with the geniuses behind the shadowy and enigmatic Cambridge Underground Orchestra surely had to produce some kind of result. At the very least, the music would be epic.

I am no actress and in truth I would be more comfortable amidst a pit of rancid vipers than I am in front of a camera. But there seemed no avoiding it. The solution? To ensure I had as little screen time as I could get away with and leave all the heavy lifting to the man we know and love as Head Porter, Paul Butterworth. The added bonus was that his son Josh is a film student at Manchester Met Film School and could easily be bullied and bribed into helping us out. Add to the mix an attention-seeking musician or two, a nine year old lighting director and a bit of cross-dressing and all of a sudden we had a cast and crew.

Finding a set was thankfully no problem at all, thanks to the fabulous Templar Antiquities who are happily situated right across the road from our studio. Stuffed to the rafters with period furniture and fittings (not to mention some cool weapons and armour!) we had no problem recreating scenes from Old College past and present. The only down side to this location (if you can indeed call it a downside) is that the dashing American proprietor has an endless supply of very fine wine on site and this did eventually hamper proceedings somewhat. Particularly towards the end of the shoot, when a break-away group of renegade technical assistants (and maybe the Producer. Ahem) set up a small rave back in the studio. Still, there is a lot to be said for drinking fine wine from pewter goblets.

Paul was, as ever, the consummate professional throughout and lived and breathed the part of Head Porter from the moment he put on his bowler hat. In fact, the scene where he is giving our heroine a stern talking to was actually so very uncomfortable for me – such was the realism – that I vowed there and then to only write ‘nice’ scenes between them in future!

There was no avoiding me taking up the role of Deputy Head Porter, but you can also see me acting my socks off as a monk, along with the beautiful lady-friend of the Antiques Shop Owner. We had to be shot from behind, of course, as we look far too feminine from the front to be mediaeval monks. At least I would hope so. Nevertheless, I still see this as my defining moment on screen.

The now-iconic PorterGirl Theme was performed by the aforementioned Cambridge Underground Orchestra and is soon to be available on iTunes. It adds a certain gravitas to the whole production and I rather fear we would be quite lost without it.

I feel that the trailer is very much in keeping with the PorterGirl genre – a combination of expertise, raw talent and wine resulting in something that is just a little bit different to anything else, yet somehow comfortingly familiar. Now, as it is certain that there will be another book, it is also safe to assume that another book trailer will need to be tackled at some point.

So what have we learned from this endeavour?

Musicians are fun yet woefully inefficient crew members. Keep them away from the wine until the final scene.

Professional acting skills are worth their weight in gold.

We really need to find another Deputy Head Porter…

Links:

Book Trailer https://videos.files.wordpress.com/OXtxuKON/pg-trailor-1280x720_dvd.mp4

https://portergirl.wordpress.com/

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Secret-Diary-PorterGirl-Everyday-Adventures/dp/1504944437

http://www.spotlight.com/3812-7830-2467

https://www.facebook.com/paulbutterworthactor/

http://m.imbd.com/name/nm0125348

@proactorpaul

Guest Post: Secret Diary Of Porter Girl – How It All Began

Many thanks to the author of “Secret Diary Of Porter Girl” for the below guest post. If you haven’t visited her blog then you are missing out on much laughter and high jinks.

Kevin

realDHPSecret Diary Of a Porter Girl began life, believe it or not, as a secret diary. It didn’t stay secret for very long, I’ll grant you, but sometime ago on a website far, far away I took to my laptop to share with close friends and family my exciting new adventure into the world of British academia.

After serving with Her Majesty’s Constabulary for seven years I decided that I rather fancied a quieter life and when I saw a job advertised for Deputy Head Porter at one of the most famous colleges in Cambridge, it struck me as imperative that I apply. Becoming the first female Deputy Head Porter in the College’s illustrious history was something of surprise. With my own education ending abruptly at the tender age of 16, I had no experience of University, let alone one of the finest academic institutions in the world.

As it happens, I was as much as an anomaly to them as they were to me. It is surprising how many remarkable ways of expressing the phrase “Oh, you’re a woman” there actually are. Quite apart from that, the College seemed to have its own unique vernacular. It took me several weeks to get my head around what people were even talking about and even then I didn’t understand what was going on half of the time. The endless fascination with keys and obsessions over flags became apparent quite early on, however. Suddenly, a whole heap of things I had never even heard of had become more important than life itself. Well, more important than the life of a Porter, anyway.

These anachronisms raised smiles and eyebrows aplenty as I recounted my strange new experiences with friends and family both through conversation and social media. Every day seemed to throw up some new unlikely occurrence – from the adventures of the Master’s Cat to the grand epic events that were mealtimes – and I soon found that I had a clamouring audience awaiting the next update. Suddenly, emails and social media statuses seemed vastly insubstantial for really setting the scene of the bizarre ceremonies, ancient traditions and downright inexplicable customs of College life. I had to come up with something rather more creative.

A blog seemed a likely solution but all was not quite so straightforward as it might be. Obviously, I was quite keen to keep hold of this unusual new position and I was sure that The Fellowship of College would take a dim view of me rambling along online about their treasured institution. I adopted the name of Old College and decided to leave almost all of my characters nameless, being known as they are by their titles or job description, in an effort to cover my tracks.

This worked well for quite some time. I found a knack for expressing the quirkiness of College life in my writing and discovered that this was something I really enjoyed doing. I was a prolific writer as a small child, spending hours at a typewriter creating worlds and creatures (usually based in outer space, for some reason) but my early teens heralded a new age of rock bands and chasing unsuitable young men and the typewriter was soon forgotten. Now, though, I had an endless source of inspiration and a captive audience.

There was also something very therapeutic about writing about my adventures at Old College. Amongst the Wonderland-esque wide-eyed bafflement, there was something of a darker side to the world of academia. The backstabbing and in-fighting both within the ranks of College servants and those of The Fellowship were widespread and, it must be said, fairly pitiful. Despite spending the better part of a decade dealing with the underbelly of society, it was within these cloisters that I came across some of the most devious and duplicitous specimens that I have ever known. I found a great degree of satisfaction in expressing some of this to my chums.

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On the other hand, of course, I also met some of the most astounding and brilliant characters imaginable, the likes of which could surely never have existed outside of this eclectic environment. The ‘heroes’ of Old College have firm groundings in those astonishingly fabulous people who made my short time as Deputy Head Porter one of the most interesting and delightful periods of my life.

Indeed, it was but a short time. The blog was discovered (revealed to Head Porter by one such duplicitous individual) and was not met with quite the rapturous applause my small, but growing, online audience had expressed. By this point, I was far from Head Porter’s favourite person and I was hauled before the senior members of The Fellowship.

I was not sacked (although College folklore might like to tell you different) but was advised by the formidable Senior Bursar to ‘consider the wisdom of continuing with such an endeavour is quite so public a manner’. These stern words were balanced by a chuckling Junior Bursar, who had taken the time to highlight the bits he had enjoyed and to read back to me lines that had particularly amused him. But nonetheless, the Establishment was affronted. Needless to say, Secret Diary Of PorterGirl was swiftly deleted and abandoned. For now.

This revelation divided opinion within College and, despite my protestations that it was supposed to be an affectionate, wry take on the academic world, a collective sense of humour failure ensued. About six months later, I hung up my bowler hat for the last time and relieved Cambridge University of quite possibly the worst Deputy Head Porter it had ever seen.

I missed Old College and its colourful incumbents immensely and realised that I missed writing very much indeed. So I set up a new blog, began to repost my original pieces and resolved to continue with my little adventures. Unfortunately, I managed to upset the great and good of the University once more when several publications picked up on the blog and ran stories about it. The academic elite were particularly incensed by a headline claiming ‘Ex-Porter Reveals Sex And Drug Secrets Of Cambridge College’. Although, they were not half as annoyed as the many readers who headed over to the blog expecting salacious revelations in the style of the final days of Sodom and Gomorrah when, in reality, I had made only the briefest of references to a cannabis-smoking student and a packet of extra small condoms.

The Establishment well and truly riled, but my audience ever-growing and delighted, I decided that the only course of action was to come up with such ridiculous storylines that no one would ever consider them to be relevant to a real-life College. Inspired by my love of fictional detectives such as Hercule Poirot, Sherlock Holmes and Inspector Morse, I began cobbling together extravagant scenarios and posting them as a serial.

In an attempt to put further distance between Old College and the inspiration behind it, I embarked on a vicious cull of characters that were too closely based on real people. Some met a grisly end, whilst others simply disappeared. The only surviving Old College ‘original’ is The Dean, who is so well-loved by some readers that his survival was assured following a small but definite outcry. Also, he is my favourite. So there.

Problem solved? Well, not quite. Writing extravagant serials is complex and difficult. The storylines have so many holes you could go fishing with them. I think of interesting and intelligent themes but then get distracted by something else and tend to forget about them. The fates and fortunes of the characters are often subject to the whims of the readers, who usually come up with far better ideas than I do, sending the story off in unexpected directions.

The small matter of me not being a particularly proficient writer shall not deter me. The current storyline sees us embarking on a quest for the Holy Grail – an ambitious undertaking by anyone’s standards. How well it holds together, only time will tell. Next up is likely to be a tale of intrigue and conspiracy within the College choir. Possibly.

So then, Secret Diary Of PorterGirl isn’t really a secret any more and it isn’t quite a diary. What it is, I suppose, is an amateur attempt at an epic that appears to go down quite well with some people, whilst others consider it some kind of sacrilege. But whatever else it might be, it is certainly bloody good fun.

To get even MORE laughs, visit her at the blog: https://portergirl.wordpress.com/ 

Secret Diary Of PorterGirl

I recently came across The Secret Diary of PorterGirl, (https://portergirl.wordpress.com/), which relates the fictional adventures of Deputy Head Porter. PorterGirl is comfortably ensconced in her position at Old College where she spends her time engaging in various escapades. The blog is humorous and well written. I recommend checking it out.

 

Kevin