Tag Archives: humorous poems

Careless Miss White

A careless young lady named Miss White

Often falls in the street at night.

A kindly vicar called Paul

Said, “many young women fall”,

As he picked her up last night …!

The Wolf And The Owl

The wise old owl scowled,

At the lone grey wolf who howled,

As she prowled,

Intent on deeds most foul,

Under the rising moon.

Said the owl, “Must you howl,

In a manner quite so foul?

You cause my head to ache,

Go and jump in yonder lake.

Said the wolf, “Make no mistake,

It is getting late,

The lake is freezing cold,

And I am not so bold”.

“Dalliance; A Collection Of Poetry And Prose” Will Soon Be Available In Print

On 23 April I wrote about the release of an expanded edition of my book, “Dalliance; A Collection Of Poetry And Prose”, (http://newauthoronline.com/2015/04/23/an-expanded-edition-of-dalliance-a-collection-of-poetry-and-prose-is-available-for-download/). In that post I mentioned that a print edition of “Dalliance” is in preparation, (I hope this will be available in May 2015).

Given the growth in ebook sales why, you may ask have I decided to produce a print edition of “Dalliance”?

There are several reasons:

  1. A number of family and friends prefer print books over their electronic counterparts. Indeed I know of at least one family member who would struggle with an ebook. I could, of course print off copies and distribute them to family and friends. However I would rather present my readers with a professionally produced book than a publication held together by staples or contained in a ring binder.
  2. I like traditional books. Being blind I can’t read print books (most of my reading takes place using the text to speech facility on my Kindle). I do, however love the feel and scent of paper books. A beautifully produced book is an object to be cherished not only for its value as a means of communicating stories, information etc, but also as a thing of beauty possessed of intrinsic worth.
  3. I want to have a copy of “Dalliance” on my real (not merely Kindle) shelves.
  4. I intend to donate print copies of “Dalliance” to local businesses and service providers allowing those who would not otherwise come across my writing to do so. I will, of course gain the permission of said businesses. I intend to sidle up to business owners dressed in dark glasses and a rain coat which has seen better days and ask in a low tone while glancing furtively over my shoulder,

“Would you like something a little different?”

Then, prior to the police being called I will hand over my book!

 

If you would like a print copy of “Dalliance” please email me at newauthoronline (at) gmail.com putting “Dalliance” in the subject line.

 

An Expanded Edition Of “Dalliance; A Collection Of Poetry And Prose” Is Available For Download

I am pleased to announce that an expanded edition of my book, “Dalliance; A Collection of Poetry and Prose” is now available for purchase in the Amazon Kindle store. “Dalliance” is a compilation of my writings comprising poems, flash fiction and essays. Many of the pieces in this collection explore the connection between humanity and the natural world, while others are of a humorous nature.

I would like to thank Chris Graham for designing the book cover and all of you who helped to choose the picture which now graces the front of “Dalliance”.

I am in the process of producing a print edition of “Dalliance” and will post here once it is available.

To purchase “Dalliance” for £0.99 please visit http://www.amazon.co.uk/Dalliance-collection-poetry-prose-Morris-ebook/dp/B00QQVJC7E (for the UK), or http://www.amazon.com/Dalliance-collection-poetry-prose-Morris-ebook/dp/B00QQVJC7E (for the US).

If you read “Dalliance” do please consider leaving a review.

 

Many thanks

 

Kevin

Sir Smasham UP By E. V. Rieu

At school I had a wonderful teacher, Mr Delacruz who, along with my grandfather kindled in me a love of literature. I remember Mr Delacruz’s classroom as being piled high with books, volumes tottered on storeroom shelves. For me, as a small boy entering his classroom was akin to visiting Aladdin’s cave.

I recollect him reading aloud to we children. He even made a recording of several stories and poems for me including Conan Doyle’s The Speckled Band and Alfred Noye’s poem The Highwayman. One poem from which I derived particular pleasure was Sir Smasham UP by E V RIEU, (http://monologues.co.uk/Childrens_Favourites/Smasham_Uppe.htm). For a reason which shall forever remain clouded in mystery, the first few lines of Rieu’s humorous poem popped into my head this morning,

“Good afternoon, Sir Smasham Uppe!
We’re having tea: do take a cup!”

and I determined to look up this childhood favourite. If you have children, grandchildren or are acquainted with children in any way I recommend introducing Rie

Early Morning Call

The below is dedicated to the person who rang me at halfpast 2 this morning from a withheld number.

 

 

 

Why do you ring me at halfpast two? Tell me, please do.

The sound of my mobile echoing around, dragging me from sleep profound.

I answered the phone, no one there, cursing inwardly I return to my lair.

Whoever you are, whatever you do, refrain from calling me at halfpast two!