Some vampire humour
Vampire Humour
4 Replies
Tag Archives: vampires
When A Young Lady Named White
When a young lady named White
Said, “the vampires are out tonight”,
I said, “I have to confess
That I like your blood red dress,
And tell me, do vampires really bite?”.
Vampiress
A vampiress,
Far from dead
Slips
Out of her dress
So red,
Bringing delight
With nips
At night
I Know A Young Lady Named White
I know a young lady named White
Who only comes out late at night.
She dislikes garlic and steak
But loves to partake
Of necks as the clock strikes midnight!
On Entering My Room Last Night
On entering my room last night
I received a bit of a fright.
As there on my bed
In her nightdress blood red
Lounged a vampire with fangs pearly white!
Awaking As The Clock Struck Midnight
Awaking as the clock struck midnight
I saw a young lady in white.
When I said, “are you a vampire?”
She replied, “no squire,
I’m an actress who works at night”.
—
Awaking as the clock struck midnight
I saw a young lady in white.
When I said, “are you a vampire?”
She replied, “’tis my desire
To act in a play tonight …”.
—
Awaking as my clock struck midnight
I saw a young woman in white.
When I said, “are you a ghoul?”
She replied, “no, you fool!
I’m a thief who works at night!”.
—
Awaking as my clock struck midnight
I spied a young woman in white.
When I said, “are you a ghoul?”
She replied, “no, you fool!
I’m a smoker in search of a light!”.
—
Awaking as my clock struck midnight
I spied a young woman in white.
When I said, “are you a ghoul?”
She replied, “no, you fool!
I’m your mistress who’s name’s Miss Wright!”.
—
Awaking as the clock struck midnight
I spied a young woman in white.
When I said, “are you a naughty girl?”
She gave me a twirl
And then she turned out the light …
I Once Met A Vampire Called Beth
I once met a vampire called Beth
Who half frightened me to death.
A ghoul named Keith
Refused to clean his teeth
So he never got to dance with Beth.
Kevin Morris reading his poem ‘Count Dracula went out to dine’.
Author Kevin Morris reading his poem ‘Count Dracula went out to dine’.
Count Dracula Went Out To Dine
Count Dracula went out to dine.
“Red wine?”
The waitress said.
Dracula shook his head.
“No thank you my dear. Your neck is most fine
And the glint of that necklace against your skin
Temps me into sin.
Come near
And let me whisper in your dainty ear
Words of desire
From a vampire
To you,
My love most true”.
“Sir,
That gentleman over there
He with the coat of fur,
Who howls at the moon,
Will require my attention soon.
The Werewolf has his need
And must also feed”.
“Oh waitress most divine
I shall make do with wine.
But please, just one kiss from those lips so red”
The count said.
“I can recommend the steak.
Would you care to partake?
The chef (though a ghoul
And a bit of a fool
Can make
A rare old stake.
Why Count, must you really go?
And just when I was enjoying our conversation so …”.
There Was A Young Vampire Called Dracula
There was a young vampire called Dracula
Who’s knowledge of languages was spectacular.
In general, vampires communicate very well,
Although I have heard tell
That they sometimes employ the vernacular!
