There was a young lady called Fiona
Who took a boat to Iona.
She fell in the sea,
Shouted “Now I am free.
I have always been a bit of a loner”!
There Was a Young Lady Called Fiona
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Tag Archives: humorous verse
The Tired Poet
What to do when one is tired
And the desired
Word
Is substituted by one absurd?
This will not one’s reader’s impress.
‘tis time, I think
To drink
Copious amounts of coffee, and dress …
Minotaur
The Minotaur doth roar
For his stomach is sore,
On account of the plump maiden he ate
Together with cutlery and plate!
“Oh why Did I partake
Of a girl so overweight.
By Zeus my stomach doth ache.
In future I will stick to steak!”
The Minotaur said, with a shake of his head.
The Drinks Are On Me
“The drinks are on me” he said.
“Indeed they are
For I found in your car
A bra
Not mine.
Oh red wine!
How kind.
You will find
It is hard to get out”, the girl said,
As she Poured her drink over his head …
Wha Fe Call I’ – Valerie Bloom
Thank you to Jayne King for drawing my attention to the poem, “Wha Fe Call I’” By Valerie Bloom. The poem examines the oddities of that wonderful language, English, (http://betweenthelines.darkbb.com/t334-wha-fe-call-i-valerie-bloom).
I met A Girl Who Wasn’t There (With Apologies To Hughes Mearns)
With apologies to poet Hughes Mearns, here is my rewriting of his poem, “Antigonish (I met a Man Who Wasn’t There)”. Mearn’s poem (which is in the public domain) follows on after mine. For Mearn’s original poem please visit https://www.poets.org/poetsorg/poem/antigonish-i-met-man-who-wasnt-there.
—
Yesterday, upon the stair
I met a girl who wasn’t there.
She wasn’t there again today.
Should her Bloke find out, then there Will be hell to pay …
—
Antigonish By Hughes Mearns
Yesterday, upon the stair,
I met a man who wasn’t there
He wasn’t there again today
I wish, I wish he’d go away…
When I came home last night at three
The man was waiting there for me
But when I looked around the hall
I couldn’t see him there at all!
Go away, go away, don’t you come back any more!
Go away, go away, and please don’t slam the door… (slam!)
Last night I saw upon the stair
A little man who wasn’t there
He wasn’t there again today
Oh, how I wish he’d go away…
The Lady and the Rake
“Sir you are a rake
And shouldst forsake
This life driven by desire,
For the fire
Down below is hot
And old Nick has got
A demon waiting
Especially for you.
Believe me sir, ‘tis true”!
“Lady cease your prating
For although the truth you may be stating
The devil is below
And you and I may go
A-maying.
Oh just one kiss
And I will be drowning in bliss.
Why, madam are you not a-staying …!”.
Not His Destination
This morning I took a train from Thornton Heath station to London Victoria. Due to me being visually impaired, a member of station staff assisted me to board the train. However, before he could disembark, off went the locomotive with the railway company employee on board, and none to happy at having been conveyed, without his consent from Thornton Heath to the next station stop, Norbury!
—
A man
With a plan
To help me board a train.
Oh what a pain
For the doors closed
And there arose
From his lips a bad word,
The kind heard
On the docks.
The commuters where shocked
And the man from the station
Reached a destination
Not wished for.
No wonder he swore!
An interruption
As many of you will know, I gave my first reading at Poetry Unplugged (hosted by the Poetry Café), on Tuesday 22 March. All of the audience where respectful of their fellow attendees, with the exception of one who caused a disturbance. The below poem is about that reprehensible individual!
—
It is late.
I stand up to read
And hear the rattle of a plate!
Who could be so rude
As to intrude
In to my first reading?!
‘Tis one of the audience who are feeding!
You my four legged friend
Can not pretend
It wasn’t you
Who
Your appetite
Did sate
When you ate
A cake!
Surely Trigger
Your stomach grows bigger.
You must have no soul
For you gobbled a cake, whole!
Fleecem and Proper
Said store owner Fleecem, to his assistant Proper
This metal here, it is but copper
But to the unwary shopper
‘Twill pass for gold
Let us be bold
And fleece ‘Em proper”!
But old Bill
The local copper
Nabbed those two, Fleecem and Proper!
K Morris - Poet 