Tag Archives: food

An interruption

As many of you will know, I gave my first reading at Poetry Unplugged (hosted by the Poetry Café), on Tuesday 22 March. All of the audience where respectful of their fellow attendees, with the exception of one who caused a disturbance. The below poem is about that reprehensible individual!

It is late.
I stand up to read
And hear the rattle of a plate!
Who could be so rude
As to intrude
In to my first reading?!
‘Tis one of the audience who are feeding!

You my four legged friend
Can not pretend
It wasn’t you
Your appetite
Did sate
When you ate
A cake!

Surely Trigger
Your stomach grows bigger.
You must have no soul
For you gobbled a cake, whole!

The Hungry Hound

The below poem is dedicated to my guide dog Trigger, and my generous colleagues who, from time to time sacrifice their lunch to a hungry canine.

I am Trigger.
My stomach is bigger
Than you think.
Your lunch will be gone in the blink
Of an Eye.
Then away I fly.
Should you ask “who stole my lunch?” I reply
“Nnot I
But, dear reader, I lie …!..
I have been known to eat plastic.
My reach is elastic.
You think your food Safe?
My friend brace
Yourself for a shock
For I will gobble the lot!
Be it ever so hot!

An Interview With My Guide Dog Trigger

Me: “Thank you for agreeing to be interviewed Trigger”.

“Trigger: “I only agreed because you promised me a large marrow bone”.

“Me: “I don’t remember making any such promise!”

Trigger: “No bone, no interview”.

Me: “OK, you win but I’m not happy about this!”

Trigger: “Just get on with it will you. I can see a fox in the garden below. I want to go and play with him”.

Me: “You know foxes don’t appreciate your idea of play”.

Trigger: “All I want to do is play chase the tail. Really I can’t imagine why that silly fox objects to me wanting to catch him by the tail”.

Me: “Well I will explain, its … oh lets forget about it. Whatever I say, the next time you are off the lead you will still chase that poor fox”.

Trigger: “To be honest I’m getting bored with foxes. I’d love to play with one of those squirrel creatures. They really are most unsporting. Whenever I get near one they go and climb a tree. I can’t climb trees”. (Trigger looks sorrowful and his tail droops between his legs).

Me: “You love going into the office with me. Can you tell my readers what you like about my place of work?”

Trigger: “Everyone is so kind. People leave all kinds of tasty morsels within easy reach of a large lab/retriever. All I need to do is put my nose onto the desk and the prize is mine! I especially enjoy a challenge. Some workers put their food in plastic containers. These present a little more of a challenge. I have, however easily mastered the world of tuppaware containers”.

Me: “Is there anything you would like to say to my colleagues?”

Trigger: “Thank you for feeding me but, in future please just leave eatables on the floor it makes things much easier for me!”

Me: “what is your philosophy of life?”

Trigger: “If it’s vaguely edible eat it and, even if its inedible chew it anyway as this can be tremendous fun”.

Me: “Thank you Trigger. I’m off for a slice of chocolate cake. Trigger have you seen my cake? Bad dog, come here …!”

My Birthday

Tomorrow (6 January) is my birthday. I must admit to being 31 again …! It being difficult to meet up with friends during the week, we got together on Saturday evening in my favourite local, The Railway Bell, http://www.beerintheevening.com/pubs/s/11/11712/Railway_Bell/Crystal_Palace. The Bell is a lovely traditional pub with pictures of old trains on the wall, an aquarium full of tropical fish and an open fire which is wonderful on a cold winter’s evening. Despite the absence of a blazing log fire yesterday (I love it when my guide dog Trigger stretches out in front of it as there is something very homely about the sceene) my friends and I spent a convivial few hours in the Bell. Incidentally the reference to Sunday roast on The Beer In The Evening site is, sadly inaccurate as no roasts have been served in the pub for several years. The Bell does, however offer a selection of delicious rolls (freshly made, not pre-packed) to which I have often succumbed. I am particularly partial to ham and tomato on fresh bread.

Yesterday we all resisted the temptation of freshly made sandwitches, moving on to The Palace Spice for a delicious Indian meal and a bottle of house red,  http://www.palacespiceindian.co.uk/restaurantinformation.aspx?restaurant=1. The Spice is a regular haunt for my friends and I. Talking to my friend Brian we estimated that we spend (together with other guests we take there) over £1000 a year which is a testament to the quality of the food!

Tomorrow I will have a lazy day which will no doubt encompass a trip to the Bell at some juncture.



The Return

I have just returned from spending Christmas on my country estate in Oxfordshire. It was wonderful to see the old place with it’s rolling acres and a tear ran down my cheek as the faithful old butler Soames struggled, bent double under the weight of my luggage but that is, after all what servants are for …

In point of fact I spent a pleasant week with my mum and her partner in the city of my birth, Liverpool. There are, alas no rolling acres, just a small back garden in which my guide dog, Trigger soon made himself at home. On Christmas day we all, as is customary exchanged gifts. Even Trigger and my mum’s black Labrador, Lilley received presents. Not content with his own gift Trigger took it upon himself to eat a box of chocolates which had been left under the Christmas tree as a present for my mum. Not satisfied with the chocolates he enjoyed a tasty desert of … scented candle! Fortunately Trigger suffered no ill effects and he is, as I write sleeping at my feet.

Well I am now back in London and my mum’s dog, Lilley can breathe a sigh of relief as there is no hungry monster lurking in the shadows waiting to deprive her of her dinner!

Anyone For Chocolate?

It was a warm autumnal evening. In fact it was unseasonably hot and I was wondering not for the first time that day what on earth had possessed me to put on a raincoat. Well I could, just possibly justify the waterproof but the fleece which attaches to the raincoat? Surely I ought to have removed the fleece before leaving for work in the morning.

As I approached the crossing opposite to Charing Cross station I heard the dulcet tones of a young lady enquiring whether I’d like some chocolate. Now as anyone who works or visits London on a regular basis will know it is fairly common for passersby to be offered free samples ranging from tea to various food stuffs. I had, however never been approached on the street prior to this afternoon. Indeed my first reaction was to think “how kind” and decline the chocolate which I, in my naivety assumed was being offered as a gift. The young lady had a wonderful foreign accent which greatly intrigued me. Perhaps giving gifts of chocolate to total strangers formed an integral part of her culture or was my newly found acquaintance so enamoured with me that she felt impelled to demonstrate her affection by furnishing me with a gift of chocolate. It was, quite obviously the latter I concluded.

My newly found love was, alas to shy to confess her feelings. On me enquiring as to why she was visiting the UK my companion informed me that she was a Mexican student studying here.  Selling chocolate was, she said her way of making money. As I say a deeply shy young lady who, rather than confessing her passion for a total stranger chose rather to invent a cock and bull tale about selling chocolate!

Well we parted friends dear reader, the young woman clutching £1 which I paid for the crunchy which she provided. I have been trying to find where she wrote her number on the paper but alas in her excitement she forgot to include it on the wrapper. Oh well there are plenty more fish in the sea …