Monthly Archives: October 2022

When a Wicked Young Lady Named Moriah

When a wicked young lady named Moriah

Threatened to set my beard on fire,

The good barber Dave

Suggested a good shave.

Then he shaved both me and Moriah!

A Policeman’s Duty

Sergeant Tom Jenkins paused at the entrance to the churchyard. “Better take a look”, he thought. Not that anyone would be hanging about there on Halloween, (although it was a known haunt of druggies) – but it was freezing, so surely no self respecting crackhead would be loitering there at close to midnight! He chuckled to himself at the thought of a self respecting crackhead and entered the churchyard.

 

Tom’s torch picked out the gravestones as he walked. The graves where, on the whole well cared for. It was a shame that the cemetery was the haunt of junkies and prostitutes who left their needles, condoms and other tools of their trade scattered around for grieving relatives to collect on an almost daily basis. He laughed to himself at “haunt” and quickened his pace desirous to be out of the place.

 

Turning a corner, he stopped abruptly. “are you okay sir?”, he said to the old man who stood with his hands resting lightly on a gravestone.

 

The man raised his head. “Oh yes, I’m fine”.

“Can I help you in any way sir? Its nearly midnight you know?”.

“Oh no thank you officer, I’m just pondering on my next poem”.

“Poem sir? Wouldn’t you be more comfortable at home with a nice hot drink or perhaps something a little stronger?”.

“Do you like poetry officer?”.

“Haven’t read any since I was forced to recite the Charge of the Light Brigade at school”.

 

 

The sergeant turned his collar up against the rising wind. It was strange that his companion, who was dressed in a thin t-shirt and cotton slacks didn’t appear to notice the chill breeze.

 

“We poets gain our inspiration from the natural world, overheard conversations, something we hear on the radio or TV and, of course graveyards. “all lovers must consign to thee and come to dust”.

“Did you write that sir?”.

The poet sighed. “I wish I had. But it was a poet far greater than I ever was”.

“Greater than you ever was?”, the sergeant repeated.

 

“You aint right in the head, you aint!”.

The sergeant spun around to see a girl of 18 or so in cheap heels and a skirt so short it could be mistaken for a belt.

“What!”.

“There aint no one there!”.

 

“Get out of here before I arrest you for soliciting!”.

“That’s harassment that is”. The girl said, but she tottered off in her cheap heels nonetheless.

 

Turning back to the grave where the poet had been standing, the sergeant saw only a weathered old stone.

“Man must have discovered some sense and gone home. A poet! My eye! He must have been waiting for that girl or someone like her”.

 

His cold right hand shook and the torch almost fell from it. Its wavering beam picked out the fading letters on the old gravestone:

“John Smithers, 1900-1980. Poet and artist”.

The torch broke as it hit the ground.

 

Civilisation Totters, Like a Girl in Stilettos

Civilisation totters, like a girl in stilettos.

In palaces and ghettos

It’s the same old game of lust.

We escape the dust

By  leaving one of our kind behind.

But, after our lust

Perchance we wonder, “is humanity terminally bust?”.

As I Walked Home One Dark Halloween

As I walked home one dark Halloween

I heard a most ear piercing scream.

I said to Miss Black

“We must not look back!”.

But she’d vanished with a piercing scream!

My Famous Old School

I once attended a famous old school

Which was haunted by a wicked ghoul.

When the headmaster did shout,

“You! ghoul! Please get out!”,

He called him a blithering old fool!

Whilst Attending a Famous Old Boarding School

Whilst attending a famous old boarding school

I met with a complaining young ghoul.

He said, “its too warm

In this stuffy old dorm!”.

So I chucked him in the pool!

 

The Remains of Hot Tea

You poured the remains of hot tea

And asked could you do

Anything else for me.

We spoke of the cost of living.

I drank my hot tea.

 

 

My hair is grey.

But, if I where to casually say

That I can be giving …

Best drink my tea

And let her think well of me.

There Once Was a Terrible Old Lecher

There once was a terrible old lecher

Who went by the name of Fletcher.

A girl called Kate

Used a heavy plate,

Which ended that old lecher named Fletcher!

Going to Church

I keep meaning to go

To the church I so

Often pass. It’s gravestones

Say, “skin and bone

Must fade away”.

So I know

I will go

To church one day.

Poetry in Rain

Listening to rain

While reading poetry.

But why read poetry

When there is rain?

For there is poetry

In the rain.

 

 

Reading Clare

While listening to rain.

But why read Clare

For there

Is poetry in rain?

 

(The above is 2 versions of the same, maybe similar poem. The poem flows from me listening to the rain through my open bedroom window yesterday evening, while reading the poetry of John Clare).