When a pretty young lady named May
Knocked on my door on Valentines Day,
And my dear old wife Claire
Screamed, “are you having an affair!”,
I turned to my sweet mistress Fay …
When a pretty young lady named May
Knocked on my door on Valentines Day,
And my dear old wife Claire
Screamed, “are you having an affair!”,
I turned to my sweet mistress Fay …
When a nubile young lady named White
Invited me out on Saint Valentine’s Night,
Miss Nell came as well
With the most Reverend Bell,
And the waitress she wore Angel Delight!
When a young lady brandishing a cucumber
Awakened me from my very deep slumber,
And I said, “Mis Parrot,
Do you fancy a carrot?”.
She said, “no, I’m brandishing this cucumber!”.
When my friend the good vicar Ray
Knelt, and said, “let us all pray”.
Sinful Miss Coral
Did something immoral.
And the ambassador urged diplomacy on Ray!
When a vicious young man of Bristol
Threatened me with his rapier and pistol,
A girl named Lake
Distracted him with cake,
And I whacked him with Miss Crystal!
When a young lady wearing a hat
Said, “tell me, do you fancy that?”.
I said, “Miss Coral,
I’m far too moral!
But I really do like that hat!”.
A beautiful young lady named White
Brought delight to me last night.
In a backstreet hotel
That I know well
We composed poetry all last night.
When a scantily clad Miss Lyme
Said, “is this your first time?”,
A great poet I know
Said, “me and Miss flow,
We spend much time in rhyme”.
A young lady who is truly divine
Came round to mine for some wine.
Her name it is Pam.
Now she’s pushing a pram.
I wonder, will the baby like wine?
A most enterprising young lady named Maddy
Is looking for a rich sugar daddy.
When I had money
I was her honey.
But now I’ve been dumped by Maddy …