A fox he went a-hunting, a-hunting with a bear,
They tracked a huntsman down, they tracked him to his lair.
Said the huntsman to the animals, “Two against one simply isn’t fair. Give a man a sporting chance to escape from his lair”.
Said those two to the huntsman, “Sir we have no gun. Come out, we’ll give you a sporting chance, lets all have some fun”.
Through an open window the huntsman tried to run.
The animals followed in hot pursuit, then came the fun.
Prior to getting my first guide dog more years ago than I care to remember, I used a long white cane as a mobility aid and to prevent accidents. I still possess a cane, however I now rarely use it preferring the services of my trusty steed (sorry guide dog Trigger). The below post by a visually impaired lady about her white cane is extremely funny and resonates with me, http://doublevisionblog.com/2015/07/26/white-cane-in-hand-a-parody-of-green-eggs-and-ham/.
Kevin
Oh Microsoft I love you.
I love the way you say in tones sweet
“document 1. Microsoft Word is not responding”.
I relish the opportunity you furnish for me to drink my tea while you hang with such grace and poise.
For the chance to eat my cereal while you continue to stick obstinately I give thanks.
I was in need of a shower so thanks, once more for affording me the opportunity to wash and dress as you continue to hang.
Thank you dear Microsoft for, finally allowing me to complete my poem which runs to an entire 4 lines.
Yours ever so gratefully,
A Humble Computer User.
(The above was written in response to the difficulties experienced while writing my poem, “Epitaph On A Poet” which appeared on this blog earlier today).
An angel dressed in white
appeared to him at night.
filled the dark hours with delight
then came the morning light
she vanished in a trice
Venus in furs,
The populace stirs.
“How can a chap so plain,
One lacking a brain,
And so incredibly vane,
A goddess obtain?”
The people declaim.
The reprobate sighs,
“Tis money that buys,
The look of love in her eyes”.
A Gentleman Suitor To His Beloved
—
“My darling, let us sit down upon the grass.
Though the firmament fall, my love for thee tis sure to last.
Other men may betray, but my heart is steadfast.
Let us be quick my sweet, for I must dash”.
—
The Lady’s Response To Her Suitor
—
“Sweetheart, the ground is wet and cold,
To recline upon it would quite ruin my clothes.
The heavens show no sign of falling,
Besides, I hear mama calling”.
The man a mermaid caught.
Together they did cavort.
Their love was dearly bought.
It ended up in court
I have just returned from the Lake District (Cumbria UK) which explains my lack of posting over the last 4 days. We stayed in a lovely cottage just outside Keswick and spent most of our time walking and, in the evening enjoying the delights of the local hostelries.
I had fun on the first morning. Being first up I took a refreshing shower. Having finished I reached for the door. Being blind I felt around but no obvious way of opening the door could I find. I ran my hands along the rubber seal which holds the 2 halves of the shower door together but could ascertain no way of opening the dratted shower other than employing brute force and given our accommodation was rented this was not a particularly appealing road to go down! Eventually I discovered a knob in the middle of the door which, when pulled released me from my confinement, (on entering the shower I had pulled the doors shut manually so had not noticed the elusive knob)! Anyway no harm was done and the time spent stewing in the shower meant I barely needed to use the bath sheet which I had placed just outside my prison (sorry shower).
While in Cumbria we visited relatives staying on the Lingholm estate, (http://thelingholmestate.co.uk/house). The estate was built in the 1870’s by the architect Alfred Waterhouse and the author Beatrix Potter visited regularly in the last decade of the 19th century.
Prior to enjoying our evening meal I wandered down to the lake (which is fed by Derwent Water). The profound peace of the place was broken only by the gentle lapping of the water and the convivial conversation of my companions and I.
Lingholm is a magical place to visit and I can understand why Beatrix Potter returned for 9 consecutive years.
Cumbria is a wonderful part of the UK and is well worth a visit but beware of the showers …!
The wise old owl scowled,
At the lone grey wolf who howled,
As she prowled,
Intent on deeds most foul,
Under the rising moon.
Said the owl, “Must you howl,
In a manner quite so foul?
You cause my head to ache,
Go and jump in yonder lake.
Said the wolf, “Make no mistake,
It is getting late,
The lake is freezing cold,
And I am not so bold”.
Inspired by this article (http://www.walesonline.co.uk/incoming/terrible-writing-leads-top-bulwer-lytton-7568759), about a civil servant who won a literary prize for deliberately bad writing, I thought I would try to produce something designed to make the lover of literature groan. Below is my attempt at deliberately bad writing:
It was freezing. Even the penguins wore fur coats while the polar bears refused to come out of their centrally heated homes. Bethany tripped along in her summer dress, without a care in the world, taking evasive action so as not to catch her 6 inch stilettos in the snowdrifts which had, somehow appeared overnight on the streets of Blackpool.
Pausing Bethany rummaged in the pocket of her skimpy clothing for the key to her front door. Or she would have done so had that garment possessed pockets which, quite naturally it didn’t.
“Blow me down with a feather”, Bethany said taking a closer look at her home, “I don’t remember buying an igloo”!
