Hey diddle diddle.
The cat’s on the fiddle.
The cow kidnapped the moon.
The policeman laughed at the overtime
And the butler ran away with the spoon.
“Hey Diddle Diddle” For Modern Times
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Tag Archives: humour
Balinda (Humour)
There was a young lady called Balinda
Who’s mother asked that fire she bringa.
The match it caught
On the new dress she bought
And Balinda was burned to a cinda
Aesop’s Fables
Waiters at tables,
hear fabulous fables.
Wine turns to water,
shehe is his daughter?
They don’t look alike,
perhaps it’s the light?
They prefer it so,
the lamp turned low.
Hey ho,
Couples come and go,
Discussing Aesop’s fables,
With those who wait at tables.
Love’s Young Dream
Her feet beat
To the music of the street.
Perfume sweet,
Makes him weak.
He would die,
For one look from those azure eyes.
Oh for a taste of those ruby red lips,
His heart skips,
As her fingers she slips,
Into his hand.
Breathlessly he waits for her command,
“I needs some grub.
Lets go to pub.
Bloke pays”.
She says,
Employing her feminine ways!
The Housemaid And The Squire (Humour)
The squire’s desire,
Sets the housemaid on fire.
Her father,
Gets in a lather.
While the carpenter Able,
Builds a cradle.
Oh young ladies, beware the dangers of waiting at table!
Holly
There was a young lady called Holly,
Who’s personality was rather more prickly than jolly.
She followed a handsome man’s shopping trolley,
Which led her into folly!
Mail Order Bride
I swallowed my pride
and ordered a mail order bride.
She arrived posthaste at my place.
She was cross but pretty
Having travelled from a foreign city
In a cardboard box.
The mailman was shocked
When she knocked
To obtain release.
He called the police
Who attended our wedding feast!
Dedication To The Job!
“You look smart. Are you off somewhere nice?”, said the man operating the luggage gate at London Victoria’s mainline station. (Being blind this gentleman has assisted me onto trains on numerous occasions hence his familiarity in speaking to me in this manner).
“No, just work”, I replied.
“But its Sunday Kevin!”, he said with obvious surprise.
Suddenly everything clicked into place. The 4 coach train at my local station when, during the working week the train consists of 8-10 carriages should have screamed, “It’s the weekend you crazy man!”. Likewise the lack of people at the station together with their relative absence on my walk there should have registered with me as signifying that it was a Sunday.
I have never done anything like this before and can only conclude that my desire to be early for the meeting I was due to chair on Monday morning, coupled with the need to prepare for it so occupied me that I neglected to notice the trifling fact it was Sunday rather than Monday! Oh well at least my guide dog Trigger enjoyed an early morning trot albeit on a Sunday!
Kevin
A Goat Ate My Coat
While swimming in a moat,
A goat ate my coat.
I was annoyed for awhile
But relieved it wasn’t a crocodile!
K Morris reading his poem ‘The Gentleman Suitor to his Beloved’
Me reading my poem ‘The Gentleman Suitor to his Beloved’
