Tag Archives: comedy

Deliberately Bad Writing

Inspired by this article (http://www.walesonline.co.uk/incoming/terrible-writing-leads-top-bulwer-lytton-7568759), about a civil servant who won a literary prize for deliberately bad writing, I thought I would try to produce something designed to make the lover of literature groan. Below is my attempt at deliberately bad writing:

 

 

It was freezing. Even the penguins wore fur coats while the polar bears refused to come out of their centrally heated homes. Bethany tripped along in her summer dress, without a care in the world, taking evasive action so as not to catch her 6 inch stilettos in the snowdrifts which had, somehow appeared overnight on the streets of Blackpool.

Pausing Bethany rummaged in the pocket of her skimpy clothing for the key to her front door. Or she would have done so had that garment possessed pockets which, quite naturally it didn’t.

“Blow me down with a feather”, Bethany said taking a closer look at her home, “I don’t remember buying an igloo”!

When The Devil Drives

“Needs must when the devil drives”.

Surely the Prince of Darkness doesn’t drive himself. I mean the undisputed ruler of Hell must have a demon or perhaps a damned soul to chauffeur him around. It stands to reason doesn’t it? On the other hand,maybe Lucifer finds all those flunkies somewhat tedious and this explains why he drives himself.

As for the car, I suspect this must be a real gas guzzler as the Devil, to state the blatantly obvious has no concern for the environment. Hold on a minute though, I have heard a rumour that a number of public relations specialists have the ear of the Prince of Darkness. They are, I understand attempting to persuade him to “go green” and invest in a bicycle thereby enhancing his credibility with the environmental movement. “Sinister green” or “A darker shade of green” have, I believe been mooted as possible slogans to spearhead the campaign.

One final thought, does Lucifer abide by all relevant traffic regulations? Answers please on a postcard to:

The Porter’s Lodge,

Hell’s Gate

Macbeth Towers

Scotland