Tag Archives: humour

“My Vibrating Vertebrae and Other Poems” by Agnes Mae Graham

A great guest post on my friend, Victoria (Tori) Zigler’s site, by Chris Graham (AKA the Story Reading Ape), about his mother, Agnes Mae Graham’s collection of poetry. For Chris’s post please follow this link, http://ziglernews.blogspot.co.uk/2016/07/poetry-book-by-author-agnes-mae-graham.html.

Poetics

Should a poem conform
To some abstract
Form
Of rhyme and metre?
Trying to hard may defeat her.
The poet that is, who striving for perfection
Feels only dejection
And bangs her head
Until she sees red
Or shooting stars,
Which rhymes with cars,
But not a publishing contract,
that is a fact …

Minotaur

The Minotaur doth roar
For his stomach is sore,
On account of the plump maiden he ate
Together with cutlery and plate!

“Oh why Did I partake
Of a girl so overweight.
By Zeus my stomach doth ache.
In future I will stick to steak!”
The Minotaur said, with a shake of his head.

The Fox and the Devil

Lucifer fell
Into a well
And said, “I wonder who herein does dwell?
The dark be dammed, its blacker than hell!”

“Tis I”, said the fox sly,
I too fell in here.
‘Tis clear
I will die.
Yet, I am the bolder
Of we two.
Let me stand upon your shoulder
And cause a to-do!
Never fear
I will summon help here.

So the devil did accept
And the fox leapt
Up on to Satan’s shoulder
And being the bolder
Of the two
Threw
himself out.
You should have heard the devil shout!
“A pox
On you fox.
Come back forthwith
And give
Me a hand”
He did command.

Said the fox sly
“No thank you, I will fly
Far away.
For the sake of humanity, ‘Tis better you dwell
Forever in this well”,
And truth to tell
He will there remain
Until the terrain
Of Hell freezes over.
Truly, God is in clover!

The Decision

“I haven’t done this kind of thing before. I mean girls from my background do sometimes. I know they do, but it’s not kind of a normal thing to do is it? I know other girls do it but, really I’m not sure …”, she said, conscious of repeating herself.
The girl leant forward on the hotel barstool, her stillettos clicking against it as she did so.
“There is a first time for everything”, he said trying not to be overt in his admiration of those slim bare legs. “Why not give it a go, I’ve never had anyone regret it afterwards?”

“Oh I don’t know. What will my friends think of me? As I just told you, girls don’t usually do this kind of thing. Well girls like me that is”. She said staring nervously at the money on the bar.
“Go on, you know you want to”, the man replied giving what he hoped was an encouraging smile.
“Well … as you say my friends don’t need to know and I’m an open minded kind of girl, always up for trying new things. No one is watching are they?” she said glancing around the practically empty bar.
“No, no, no one is looking at us. Now is as good a time as any if you want to go through with it”, he said, glancing at her tiny, perfectly manicured fingers as they played nervously with the cash on the bar.
“OK, I’ve made a decision”, she said picking up the money and, glancing around for one final time handing it to her companion. “I like what I’ve seen so, yes I’ll buy your book. Will you sign it for me?”, she asked smiling shyly …

Wha Fe Call I’ – Valerie Bloom

Thank you to Jayne King for drawing my attention to the poem, “Wha Fe Call I’” By Valerie Bloom. The poem examines the oddities of that wonderful language, English, (http://betweenthelines.darkbb.com/t334-wha-fe-call-i-valerie-bloom).

I met A Girl Who Wasn’t There (With Apologies To Hughes Mearns)

With apologies to poet Hughes Mearns, here is my rewriting of his poem, “Antigonish (I met a Man Who Wasn’t There)”. Mearn’s poem (which is in the public domain) follows on after mine. For Mearn’s original poem please visit https://www.poets.org/poetsorg/poem/antigonish-i-met-man-who-wasnt-there.

Yesterday, upon the stair
I met a girl who wasn’t there.
She wasn’t there again today.
Should her Bloke find out, then there Will be hell to pay …

Antigonish By Hughes Mearns

Yesterday, upon the stair,
I met a man who wasn’t there
He wasn’t there again today
I wish, I wish he’d go away…

When I came home last night at three
The man was waiting there for me
But when I looked around the hall
I couldn’t see him there at all!
Go away, go away, don’t you come back any more!
Go away, go away, and please don’t slam the door… (slam!)

Last night I saw upon the stair
A little man who wasn’t there
He wasn’t there again today
Oh, how I wish he’d go away…