There once was a man who, whilst drinking
Slurred, “this here boatit is surely sinking”.
A young lady named Claire
Said, “sir, take great care!”,
And the seagulls they cried, “you are sinking!”.
When my dog found a stocking
Belonging to beautiful young miss Hocking,
The vicar looked grim
And spoke of sin.
But the dog found nothing shocking!
—
When my dog found a stocking
Belonging to beautiful young miss Hocking,
The vicar looked grim
And spoke of sin.
And her boyfriend he came knocking!
When a gorgeous young lady named Frida
Said, “I’d make a most excellent breeder!”.
I said, “lets have fun
In this hot summer sun.
But please, can we forget the breeder!”.
Whilst declaiming my poetry to a crowd
In a town that’s known as Stroud,
A young lady dressed in white
Said, “sir, it’s long after midnight,
And your voice is far too loud!”.
There once was a young lady named Leigh
Who composed rhyming poetry whilst climbing a tree.
But her hands did slip
Causing a fractured right hip.
And a critic to praise Leigh’s fine poetry!
I know a young lady of pleasure
Who says that her name is Heather.
She likes the sunshine
And drinking red wine.
Tell me, is her name really Heather?
When a very attractive young lady named Witty
Said, “some say that I’m more than just pretty”.
I said, “you are nice.
Let us play at dice”.
Then, I played all night with miss Witty.
When a young lady said, “come May
All young lovers they dance and play”.
I said, “my dear,
The Autumn draws near.
And my hair has turned quite grey!”.
There once was a poet named Monk
Who owned a most disreputable old skunk.
His verse being real bad
It drove the skunk mad.
And Monk he was always half-drunk!
When a young lady wearing tight shoes
Said, “I shall tell you my views
On the subject of politics,
And dogs who chase sticks.”
I said, “just pass me the booze!”.
