When an attractive young lady named Bland
Said, “I demand a one night stand!”.
It just didn’t feel right
To stand there all night,
So I romanced that young lady Bland.
When An Attractive Young Lady Named Bland
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This Clock
This wine
Is not divine.
Yet it is good.
The sun may shine
On me tomorrow.
And the clock on the wall
Has no will at all.
Nameless women survive in a rhyme
And time
Would laugh, if it could
At poets who obsess
Over their reputation,
And the unknowing tick tock,
Of the uncaring, ensnaring clock.
There Once Was A Turkey Called Paul
There once was a turkey called Paul
Who, not liking Christmas at all
Escaped one snowy Christmas eve
With a fox called Steve.
The rest I fail to recall.
Miss Hubble
When a beautiful young lady named Hubble
Said, “please, join me in my bubble”.
I jumped into her bath,
Which made Miss Hubble laugh.
And my wife she caused big trouble!
Honey and Her Money
A young lady who calls herself Miss Honey
Has a bank account full of money.
She advertises on the internet
With a girl named Yvette.
Aint it funny they have all that money …
Whilst Walking Along A Mean Urban Street
Whilst walking along a mean urban street
I met a girl with petite feet.
She was far from witty,
But was really quite pretty.
And she walks that mean urban street …
Open Window
We both drank tea.
She smoked a cigarette
At my open window.
Pleasure tinged with regret.
Smoking is not my vice.
Thrice I have seen.
I know
A poem maybe
A window
Into a man’s soul.
With Sincere Apologies To Edward Lear
The owl and the pussycat went to sea, in a leaky, cardboard boat.
They had lost all their money
To a girl called Honey
Along with a £5 note.
The owl looked up to the stars above
And sang to a small guitar
“Oh beautiful pussy, oh pussy my love
I wonder where we are?
We are? We are?
I wonder where we are?”
With a sorrowful sigh
The pussy made reply:
“Owl,
You are a stupid old fowl!
Make no mistake
We
Are not at sea
But on a lake!
Oh what a stupid old fowl you are
You are
You are!
Oh what a stupid old fowl you are!”.
So they sailed away
For a year and a day
To the land where the bong tree grows.
And there in a wood
A stoned student stood
Blowing smoke from the end of his nose
His nose
His nose.
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When I Said to Pretty Miss Ling
When I said to pretty Miss Ling,
“Passion, it is a very strange thing!”.
The vicar raised his old eyebrows
As she took off her blouse.
While the bishop spoke of the spring.
When A Young Lady Soaking in My Bathtub
When a young lady soaking in my bathtub
Said, “I want to go down the pub”.
I said, “my dear Rose
First, put on some clothes!”.
But Miss Rose, she has never been good …
—
When a young lady soaking in my bathtub
Said, “I want to go down the club”.
I said, “my dear Rose
First, put on some clothes!”.
She said, “but Kevin, it’s a strip club!”.
