There once was a young lady named Rose
Whose habit was to dress in tight clothes.
When the vicar’s sweet daughter, Louise
Asked about the birds and bees,
Rose she burst out of those tight clothes!
There once was a man named Jame
Who said, “you will never achieve fame!”.
His end was sad,
And really quite bad.
And the trial it brought me fame!
I met a young lady named Yvette
Who said she works as a vet.
As I got down on all fours
And I showed her my sharp claws,
I wondered, is she really a vet?
When a young lady on a riding course
Said, “you can not flog a dead horse”.
And I said, “that would be cruel!”.
She called me a stupid old fool!
That girls in love with me of course!
When my friend, who comes from Kent
Said, “I have all my rent spent
On beautiful young women,
Who’s profession is sinning!”.
I said, “I’m not paying your rent!”.
When a naughty young lady named Miss Lina
Decided to steal my battered old Ford Cortina,
A policeman called Guy
Said, “I’d rather die,
Than be seen driving that battered old Cortina!”.
Whilst drinking the finest wine over dinner
I was approached by a beautiful sinner.
She said, “will you join me
For delicious hot crumpet and tea?”.
I said, “I’ve not yet finished dinner!”.
Valentine’s day.
He would propose
With a rose,
But the government does say,
“Stay away
From your lover.
On Valentine’s day!
Its true that you
May infect one another.
And if you do,
Not your romance cease
The police
Will issue a fine
for breech of lockdown!
You may your sorrows drown
Alone, at home
In beer or fine wine.
But do not go online
For there you will find
Young women who will, if the price be right,
Keep you snug and warm, on this Valentine’s night …”.
If you hear a wicked rumour
About an extremely beautiful young perfumer,
By the name of Miss White,
And what we did last night.
Remember, its just a wicked rumour!
—
If you hear a wicked rumour
About an extremely beautiful young perfumer,
By the name of Miss White
And what we did last night.
Remember, she’s a beautiful young perfumer …
When a young lady said to me,
Kevin, are you fond of naked poetry?”.
I said, “my dear Heather
It is such cold weather.
So please provide lots of hot tea!”.
K Morris - Poet 