There was a young man named Keith
Who was known as a prodigious thief,
Until Miss Rose and Miss Hocking
Tied him up with their stockings,
Which delighted that young man named Keith!
—
There was a young man named Keith
Who was known as a prodigious thief,
Until Miss Rose and Miss Hocking
Tied him up with their stockings,
Which caused that thief Keith to cease!
I once attended a famous old school
Which was haunted by a wicked ghoul.
When the headmaster did shout,
“You! ghoul! Please get out!”,
He called him a blithering old fool!
Whilst attending a famous old boarding school
I met with a complaining young ghoul.
He said, “its too warm
In this stuffy old dorm!”.
So I chucked him in the pool!
There once was a terrible old lecher
Who went by the name of Fletcher.
A girl called Kate
Used a heavy plate,
Which ended that old lecher named Fletcher!
I know a young man named Mark
Who is extremely fond of the park,
Where Claire and Miss Rose
Remove all of their clothes.
Or so I am told by Mark …!
A gorgeous young lady known as Katie
Has a reputation for being real matey
With well heeled gentlemen,
(Well, so says Ken).
And Ken’s wallet is really quite weighty …!
There once was a young lady named Bland
Who was fond of the one night stand.
With a man called White
She stood there all night,
Watching the great tide sweep over the sand …!
There was a young lady named Yvette
Who was known as a Tory wet.
She opposed all cuts
And swam in waterbutts,
Which made that Tory really quite wet!
(The term “Tory wet” was used during the administrations of the late Lady Thatcher to describe those on the left of the Conservative party, whilst those on the right where labelled as “dry”. The term more commonly employed today to designate those on the left of the party is “one-nation” Tories or Conservatives).
When I found pretty miss Lin
Lurking in my brand new bin,
I did shout,
“You! Get out!”,
But Lin she dragged me in …!
When a young lady whose name was Claire
Got eaten by a rather large brown bear,
Her poor boyfriend Guy
Said, with a sigh,
“I guess that’s the end of our affair …”.
K Morris - Poet 