Tag Archives: funny poetry

Lord Kettle

My great friend the late Lord Kettle

Said, “I am quite unable to settle”.

Then he made some tea,

Which he shared with me,

In a place that’s known as Settle.

Polyamory

You praised polyamory.

As for me

I am not polyamorous

But you, being glamorous,

I found time

To rhyme

And discuss polyamory

With thee …

Lou

When a young lady whose name is Lou

Said, “watch out as I’m coming for you!”.

And I said, “are you a ghoul,

She said, “no! you stupid old fool!

I’m Lou, and you’ve just stolen my shoe!”.

 

Procrastination

When a young lady named Kate

Said, “Kevin, you really do procrastinate!”.

I said, “I beg your pardon!

But I am doing this garden!

But perhaps the garden can wait …!”.

A Careless Young Lady Named Mar

A careless young lady named Mar

Is known for losing her bra.

While her friend Coral

Is really quite moral

Though I’ve sometimes found her bra …

Alibi

A man whose name was Wood

Said my poetry was no good.

In the forest dark

His end was stark.

But my alibi it was good …

Decorum

I know a young lady named Rose

Who walks around whilst wearing no clothes.

But when we go shopping

She does wear 1 stocking.

Which I think shows decorum by Rose!

Chancer

I awoke with a gorgeous lap dancer

Who said, “sir, you are a chancer!”.

I said, “dear Miss Follit

Have you seen my wallet?”.

She said, “sir, I’m also a chancer!”.

A Brutal Young Man Named Keith

A brutal young man named Keith

Threatened to knock out my teeth.

But I produced my faithful knuckleduster,

Which got him in a fluster,

Now Keith is wearing false teeth …!

Squire Pleasant

My uncle, the good natured Squire Pleasant

Invited me to go and shoot peasant.

I went with my spouse

And found peasants and grouse,

And the police who arrested Squire Pleasant!