There was a young lady called Jill
Who never would pick up the bill.
Her friends did say,
“you must pay your way”.
I fear they are waiting still!
There Was A Young Lady Called Jill
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Tag Archives: funny poem
There Was A Young Mann Called Max
There was a young man called Max
Who liked to play on the Sax.
He played for his girl,
Who did a twirl.
It made her really relax!
There Was A Young Man Called Lefroy
There was a young man called Lefroy
Who thought every girl was his toy.
He met a lady called Kate
And learned too late
How a girl can a man’s ego destroy
There Was A Young Man Called Strange
There was a young man called Strange
Who lived in a moated grange.
The moat dried out
And his neighbours did shout,
“You must your affairs rearrange”!
There Was A Young Man Called Neil
There was a young man called Neil
Who’s love for a girl was passionate and real.
She said, “Beware,
For people stare
And my heart it is made of steel”!
The Fox and the Devil
Lucifer fell
Into a well
And said, “I wonder who herein does dwell?
The dark be dammed, its blacker than hell!”
“Tis I”, said the fox sly,
I too fell in here.
‘Tis clear
I will die.
Yet, I am the bolder
Of we two.
Let me stand upon your shoulder
And cause a to-do!
Never fear
I will summon help here.
So the devil did accept
And the fox leapt
Up on to Satan’s shoulder
And being the bolder
Of the two
Threw
himself out.
You should have heard the devil shout!
“A pox
On you fox.
Come back forthwith
And give
Me a hand”
He did command.
Said the fox sly
“No thank you, I will fly
Far away.
For the sake of humanity, ‘Tis better you dwell
Forever in this well”,
And truth to tell
He will there remain
Until the terrain
Of Hell freezes over.
Truly, God is in clover!
I met A Girl Who Wasn’t There (With Apologies To Hughes Mearns)
With apologies to poet Hughes Mearns, here is my rewriting of his poem, “Antigonish (I met a Man Who Wasn’t There)”. Mearn’s poem (which is in the public domain) follows on after mine. For Mearn’s original poem please visit https://www.poets.org/poetsorg/poem/antigonish-i-met-man-who-wasnt-there.
—
Yesterday, upon the stair
I met a girl who wasn’t there.
She wasn’t there again today.
Should her Bloke find out, then there Will be hell to pay …
—
Antigonish By Hughes Mearns
Yesterday, upon the stair,
I met a man who wasn’t there
He wasn’t there again today
I wish, I wish he’d go away…
When I came home last night at three
The man was waiting there for me
But when I looked around the hall
I couldn’t see him there at all!
Go away, go away, don’t you come back any more!
Go away, go away, and please don’t slam the door… (slam!)
Last night I saw upon the stair
A little man who wasn’t there
He wasn’t there again today
Oh, how I wish he’d go away…
Werner
Her name was Werner
He just couldn’t spurn her
Advance,
For she did dance
Ever closer.
He said, “I’m a grocer”.
She replied with a sigh, “Oh how I love bananas.
You must see my pyjamas
All covered in llamas.
To tell you the truth
My real name is Ruth,
But it is better to be a girl called Werner
For no one can turn her
Away.
Let us play
With the llamas.
I may lose the pyjamas
For the Bahamas
Are hot
And I have got
A thirst to slake.
Come, let us swim in yonder lake!” …
The Lady and the Rake
“Sir you are a rake
And shouldst forsake
This life driven by desire,
For the fire
Down below is hot
And old Nick has got
A demon waiting
Especially for you.
Believe me sir, ‘tis true”!
“Lady cease your prating
For although the truth you may be stating
The devil is below
And you and I may go
A-maying.
Oh just one kiss
And I will be drowning in bliss.
Why, madam are you not a-staying …!”.
An interruption
As many of you will know, I gave my first reading at Poetry Unplugged (hosted by the Poetry Café), on Tuesday 22 March. All of the audience where respectful of their fellow attendees, with the exception of one who caused a disturbance. The below poem is about that reprehensible individual!
—
It is late.
I stand up to read
And hear the rattle of a plate!
Who could be so rude
As to intrude
In to my first reading?!
‘Tis one of the audience who are feeding!
You my four legged friend
Can not pretend
It wasn’t you
Who
Your appetite
Did sate
When you ate
A cake!
Surely Trigger
Your stomach grows bigger.
You must have no soul
For you gobbled a cake, whole!
K Morris - Poet 