Waking early I lie,
Darkness still shrouds the sky.
One day or night I will die,
There will be no more awakening to the sky.
Is death the final sleep,
Through which no dreams creep?
Or a perpetual dream,
wherein our consciousness forever streams?
Often, when dreaming, I believe myself to be awake.
On waking, I realise my mistake.
But how can I be certain the land of sleep is behind,
That I am not in a dream confined?
I lack the wisdom of a divine,
So can not answers find.
Dozing at my computer, pondering on what to write. Oh for a dreamless, refreshing sleep tonight!
Look into your heart at close of day
Do you see darkness, light or shades of grey?
Do you face a conscience bright, or thoughts which disturb throughout the night?
Be still my sleeping brain. But no, like a train you career along tracks of fear and pain.
Looking out of the window I see demons glaring at me. Monsters from the past after me dash ingendering terror and shame.
Oh dear god still my racing brain.
(The above was inspired by the following post on Behind the White Coat, https://doctorly.wordpress.com/2015/03/22/etude-to-silence/?c=16368#comment-16368) in which Victo discusses the problems encountered by some when they encounter silence. When one sleeps the distractions which keep us from silence are removed and the subconscious is given full reign. During the wee small hours when we sleep terrors creep out of their hiding places to torment us.
Don’t go too deep
We Sleep
Dark thoughts released
The subconscious roams unpoliced
We weep
Don’t go too deep
“They will put the people in cells. Put them to sleep and suck out their brains. They will start with the elderly and disabled then move on to the rest.
The people will feel a sense of freedom when they are asleep but, on waking will have buttons where they once had eyes to operate them. They will feel only a dull headache”.
This was, so far as I am able to remember it the dream from which I awoke some 10 minutes ago. I was listening to a narrator expounding his conspiracy theory? Regarding a take-over of the world by an unnamed group, aliens perhaps?
I don’t believe in conspiracy theories (they have caused much suffering. Witness, for example the Nazi’s mad view that Jews are intent on taking over the globe through the manipulation of the financial markets, which lead the Third Reich to murder at least 6 million innocent people of Jewish origin). I remember, in my dream inwardly questioning why the unnamed entity would want to take over the world and wondering whether I was listening to the ravings of a lunatic.
As pointed out above I do not believe in conspiracies. Given this fact I am at a loss to explain my dream. On going to sleep I have no recollection of pondering on the atrocities of the Hitler regime (“they will start with the disabled and elderly first”) has echoes of the Action T-4 Programme under which people with disabilities where sterilised and/or murdered, the Programme being the precursor to the mass killing, in gas chambers of Jews and other groups, including gypsies deemed undesirable by the regime).
In conclusion I do not know why I dreamed thus. However my dreaming was so vivid that I wished to record it before it vanished in the cold light of day.
Yesterday morning I awoke after having experienced a series of vivid dreams. I am registered blind with a small amount of residual vision which, in essence means that I can see outlines of objects but not details. Consequently if I pass a friend in the street and they fail to speak to me (no that doesn’t happen or not that I am admitting to anyway), I wouldn’t recognise them by their outline. When dreaming the situation is precisely the same – I see vague outlines but nothing of substance. My hearing and other senses remain fully functional as in what we term “the real world”.
On awaking it occurred to me how we all go to sleep in the belief that we will wake up either as a consequence of our natural body clock or due to some external reason, for example a loud sound having disturbed our slumber. However this is not, necessarily the case. Anyone of us may cease to occupy this earthly realm at any juncture, either while waking or passing (hopefully peacefully) while asleep. Like a computer being shut down, the brain will, at some indeterminate point cease to operate and silence pervade the great machine.
All this is rather sombre, however on my way home yesterday evening, feeling the wind in my face and smelling new mown hay I felt the joy of living. Yes we may “cease upon the midnight with no pain” but, hopefully the nightingale will sing for us while we live and we can relish his song.
Last night I had one of those strange dreams which remain with you on waking. I dream most nights but rarely remember my dreams. On this occasion I fell into conversation with an author outside one of those trendy coffee places which have proliferated in London and other cities. He told me that every day he could be found sipping coffee at this establishment and went on to name several novels he had authored. I remember, while dreaming clearly recollecting the titles of the books he had authored, however, on waking their titles flew away to be remembered no more.
In my dream I felt envious that this man could enjoy a life of ease while I worked in a 9-5 occupation. I haven’t written anything substancial for a while so perhaps my dream is telling me that I need to start scribbling again. The ocean going yacht and the country cottage beckons …
I lie my mind attempting to focus after deep slumber. A sound cold and sharp reaches me. The bark of a fox hunting or calling to it’s mate. The quilt has fallen. The cold sound of the fox mingles with my coldness. I shiver pulling the cover over me. Bark, bark the noise fills the early morning.
3.30ish. I need to drink. Entering my living room, on the way to the kitchen I pass my domesticated fox. No not a fox but my dog seemingly unaware of his cousin outside. He lies sleeping separated by the thin veil of domesticity from his wild relation.
The sound has ceased. I fall asleep and dream confusedly of dogs and wolves.
On 16 March I published Sting In The Tail (http://newauthoronline.com/2013/03/16/sting-in-the-tail/). The story attracted positive feedback with 12 bloggers liking it. I was delighted with the likes (who wouldn’t be?!), however on re-reading Sting In The Tail I noticed the following errors all of which have now been corrected:
How did these ttypos find their way into the published version of Sting In The Tail? Writing Sting In The Tail took some 4 to 5 hours. Having finished I was extremely tired. Instead of making a cup of coffee or going for a walk and returning to re-read my manuscript at a later point I instead read through the story straight away. I corrected a few minor typographical errors and as everything else seemed fine went ahead and published it on my blog! My resolution so far as future writing is concerned is to not publish in haste and repent at leisure. Rather I will save my manuscript, go and do something wholly unrelated to writing and return bright eyed and bushy tailed, at a later time to re-read my stories prior to publishing them. One can never wholly avoid mistakes when writing as even proof readers may miss errors, however it is always best to come at one’s work with a clear mind rather than a brain befuddled by tiredness.
K Morris - Poet 