There I was, minding my own business, strolling through the churchyard which lies opposite my flats when a wee small voice intruded into my consciousness,
“Can you see mate?”
I paused my guide dog Trigger waiting patiently at my side,
“Pardon?”
“Can you see?”
With a winning smile I responded,
“Are you stupid?” before continuing on my journey, Trigger leading the way.
Spice is nice and rhymes with vice, but is it nice? The device of vice adds spice to life, but is it nice? Strife rhymes with vice which isn’t nice? Life, strife vice, how very nice.
Check out this thought provoking and humorous blog, http://imgonnastudytherain.wordpress.com/
Several days ago I was browsing Youtube on my iPad when I came across the following squeaky toy sound effect, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9U86c2Zf5og. My guide dog, Trigger is a lover of squeaky toys and has often driven me half mad running up and down my flat excitedly squeaking one of his toys, his tail wagging furiously. Given Trigger’s love of things which go squeak in the night I was interested to see how he would react to the Youtube clip.
On clicking on Youtube, Trigger jumped out of his bed and looked around a puzzled expression (well as puzzled as any canine can look) on his face. He then proceeded to investigate my iPad with his nose but, eventually retired in disgust to his bed wondering why whatever was making that squeaking sound refused to be played with! Trigger is now wise to what is happening and hardly dains to lift his head when that new elusive squeaky toy starts it’s squeaking.
On the train yesterday I overheard the following conversation between a little girl and her mum.
Little girl, “Can I have a cat for Christmas?”
Mum, “No, you can have turkey like everyone else!”
(Many of the jokes contained in christmas crackers are fairly dire. However a few, such as the above are rather good. This is one which fell out of a Christmas cracker during my work’s Christmas dinner yesterday).
I’m so nice and modest to, you’d like me, I’d like you to. I’m lacking in vice, so incredibly nice, my modesty shines through!
Several days ago I answered the phone to a lady calling on behalf of the Royal National Institute of the Blind (RNIB). She was conducting a survey and as I am myself blind and I was, at that juncture at a loose end I agreed to answer a few simple questions. At the end of the survey the lady asked my age and on me confirming that I am in my 40’s she announced that
“I’ve been doing all the men in London in their 40’s today and I’m very tired”. Now what can one say to that …
A recording of me reading my limerick, ‘Claire’.
There was a young lady called Clare who liked to dance on the stair. One day she did slip, and fractured her hip, so now she dances on chairs.
Below is my rewrite of the traditional English nursery rhyme, “Who Killed Cock Robin” which is written firmly with my tongue in my cheek. I did say (only yesterday) that I wouldn’t be blogging during the visit of my mum and her partner, however as they are currently ensconced watching television I think that I may safely allow myself a few minutes for blogging!
Who Killed Cock Robin Rewrite
“So, constable who killed cock robin?”
“Well sir Jack Sparow claims to have done it with his bow and arrow”.
“Do we have any independent witnesses to the murder because we wouldn’t want some clever defence lawyer to claim we beat a confession out of Jack Sparow?”
“Well sir Guy the fly claims to have seen Cock Robin Die with his little eye”.
“But Guy the fly was seen by Mike the pike buzzing around the picknick tables, near the lake and that is miles from where Cock Robin died so Guy can’t possibly
have seen him die”.
“Well sir Bob the dog says that he saw Matt the cat viciously assault Cock Robin and leave him dying in the long grass by the bird table”.
“But Matt the cat was observed chasing Nat the rat by Len the Hen at the time when Cock Robin was murdered. It can’t be Matt. Besides Bob hates Matt the
cat ever since he stole his owner’s hat.”
“OK sir I’ve just received a tip-off from Blair the bear who swares that he saw Clare the hare strangle cock robin with her hair. I’m off to interview Blair
the bear”.
“OK constable you go right there and interview Blair the bear”.
K Morris - Poet 