Tag Archives: humour

In Harness

As a guide dog owner, I have encountered some rather odd comments and questions. Take, for example, the gentleman who asked me whether my guide dog could read the numbers of buses!

 

However, the incident yesterday evening surely takes the dog biscuit. On my way home, after having enjoyed drinks with friends, a lady at a bus stop said, “I like your dog’s harness”.

 

I am known for my sense of humour which does, on occasions verge on the risqué. However, I bit my tongue, smiled and continued on my way home.

 

On telling a friend about the incident subsequently, he commented that the lady is probably spending her weekend on Google looking for harnesses. Obviously I have no idea what he means …

I Found a Sock

I found a sock

Too small to be mine.

Perhaps, after wine

Some lover of mine

Forgot her sock. But what

Do lovers do

When missing 1 sock?

Do they wear 1 shoe?

Politics and Beer

When a beer loving Socialist named Grub

Went and entered a prestigious Conservative club,

And they said, “why are you here!”,

He said, “I came here for beer,

As the beer here is very good!”.

Debauch

Following a night of great drunkenness and debauch

I found a young lady on my porch.

Her name it was Lou

And she’d lost a shoe.

I wonder, was she part of my debauch?

In the Morning, After a Night of Sinning

In the morning, after a night of sinning

With a group of most beautiful young women,

I met vicar Glynn,

Who condemned my sin.

But his young wife just couldn’t stop grinning!

 

Bedtime

I found 2 young ladies in red

Waiting in my fine old double bed.

They said, “we are Coral

And are both very moral”.

Dear reader, that is what they said …

The Bliss of Married Life

When I said to a girl called Lou

“Let us pretend that I’m married to you”.

And she said, you are always out drinking!

And at my girlfriends you are forever winking!”.

I said, “Lou, when did I marry you!”

On a Damp and Dark Halloween

On a damp and dark Halloween

I observed a most interesting scene.

The Devil did romance

A demon from France

As the banshee did loudly scream!

All Taped Up

A young woman in a dark cape

Wrapped me up with very thick tape

And posted me

To sunny Dundee,

Where I made a most daring escape!

I Once Met a Man Named Charles Dickens

I once met a man named Charles Dickens

Who was known for his love of chickens.

When I said, “do you write?”,

He said, “yes throughout the night.

But my writing is all eaten by chickens!”