There was a young lady called Lou
Who fell into a vat of glue.
A handsome young doctor named Shane
Said “I share all your pain
For I am in love with you!”.
Tag Archives: humour
Can I ask you a daft question?
Being a guide dog owner brings with it many advantages, (the companionship of a wonderful brindle Labrador/retriever and a highly effective mobility tool being 2 of the most obvious).
During my social and working life I am asked many questions regarding how guide dogs work, most of which are perfectly reasonable. I always answer such queries as its important that people understand the vital role played by guide dogs in enhancing the independence of visually impaired people. I am however sometimes flabbergasted by the daft questions put to me.
I have lost count of the number of occasions when a question along the following lines has been asked, “so does your dog go to work with you?”
I recently came across a variant on the above query. An acquaintance, being aware that I was traveling to Liverpool to visit my mum asked, “so does Trigger (my guide dog) go to Liverpool with you?”
I am known for my dry (some would say sarcastic) sense of humour. Consequently I am highly tempted to reply along the following lines, “no, he will stay in London for the 7 days I shall be in Liverpool. Don’t worry I shall leave him enough food and water to cover my absence. I am, however a little concerned that my home might be rather messy on my return …!”.
I do, however bite my sharp tongue and respond that the whole purpose of a guide dog is to act as a mobility tool. Consequently Trigger goes everywhere with me (the UK Equalities Act makes it an offence for a provider of goods or services to discriminate against a person for a reason related to their disability.
As a guide (or other assistance animal) is necessary to the independence of many disabled people, the Act makes it an offence for restaurants and other establishments to refuse to admit a disabled person when accompanied by their working assistance animal).
I shall continue to smile and patiently explain about the role of guide dogs when confronted by silly questions while, all the time furiously biting my sarcastic tongue …
There was a young man named Meek
There was a young man named Meek
Who’s view of the world was bleak.
When I bought him a beer
He said “the world is so drear,
I shall drink for the rest of the week!”
There was a young authoress named Leigh
There was a young authoress named Leigh
Who said “my writing shall survive me”.
She died one midnight drear
(Twas the middle of the year),
And was buried by critics three!
Venus
I found Venus in my bed.
Well that was her name she said
And I
Can not believe that a goddess would lie …
There was a young man from Pakistan
There was a young man from Pakistan
Who married a girl called Anne.
She was extremely pretty
And worked in the city
For a man by the name of Dan
Lost Shoe
Who
Left
Her shoe?
What should I do?
For a foot bereft
Of shoe
Is a sorrowful sight to view.
I grieve
As I perceive
That she lost her stocking
Too.
Tis a thing most shocking
To lose both stocking
And shoe …
There was a young man named More
There was a young man named More.
Who was extremely poor.
He wed an elderly billionaire
By the name of Claire.
It was her wealth he did adore!
One should not speak ill of the dead
It is frequently said
That one should not speak ill of the dead.
It is a notion most quaint
That in death, a devil becomes a saint,
Yet we cross ourselves and say
“He has passed away.
May god have mercy on his soul”.
While inwardly we smile
For well we know
Where his soul did go …
My visit to the doctors
I visited my doctor yesterday. He began with a series of questions regarding my lifestyle:
“Do you smoke?” he asked.
“No” I replied truthfully.
“Do you drink?” he said.
“Yes, I’ll have a large red wine, please” I replied.
