When my dear friend, the beautiful Miss Hocking
Came round to mine wearing fine silk stockings,
The old vicar looked aghast
And said, “in the past,
Young ladies would wear more than just stockings!”.
Whilst walking along a famous old Street
I met with my old friend Pete.
When he said, “today I’m Claire”.
I said, “rhyming poets should beware!
As Claire does not rhyme with Pete!”.
I know a young lady named Flo
Who’s morals are more than just low.
But I must in honesty confess
She’s not as bad as Bess.
Who I also just happen to know …
There once was a girl named Nell
Who swung from an old church bell.
The bell sounded loud,
Which wowed the crowd.
And the bishop he fell for Nell.
When a young lady named Miss Ann
Said, “you are a very wicked man!”.
And I said, “should I desist?”.
She said, “no, please do persist!”.
She’s a naughty young lady is Ann!
I met a young lady named Mandy
Who was drunk on fine old brandy.
When she said, “I like Ealing,
And this evening I am feeling …”.
I said, Mandy! Stop drinking that brandy!
Whilst visiting the great Count Dracula
I said, “your view is truly spectacular.
But your breath is quite foul,
And those wolves they do howl!
I regret I must leave Castle Dracula!”.
When my friend whose name is Katie
Said, “I want to discuss something weighty”.
I said, “you’re not fat”,
And she really liked that.
But I felt bad lying to Katie!
There once was a poet from Gwent
Who, having all his meagre earnings spent
In his local sauna,
On pretty Miss Lorna.
Composed a poem about paying the rent!
When I met an extremely wizened old fryer
Drying my wet lawn with his hair dryer,
And I said, “why dry this grass?”.
He said, “sir, all things must pass”.
And I wept over that fryer’s hair dryer!
K Morris - Poet 