When my beautiful young mistress Miss White
Said, “if I should die this night …”.
I said, “you want me to know
That you have always loved me so!”.
She said, “no, its not quite that
Please, take care of my old cat”.
I said, “oh! but he scratches so!”
Whilst visiting my dear old friend the squire
I was entertained by his young wife Moriah.
A housemaid named Spink
Gave us a wink.
I think that she’s close to the squire …!
Whilst walking home at just after midnight
I met a young lady in white
Who said, with a big smile,
“Do you think I have style!”,
And the graveyard was freezing at midnight …!
There once was an eminent old professor
Who lived in a large Welsh Dresser.
His student Maude
Got terribly bored
With polishing that dresser and her professor!
When I attended a large swingers convention
I sensed a good deal of tension.
My friend bishop Hocking
Stole the vicar’s stocking,
But the rest I’d better not mention …!
When a young lady named Claire
Said, “lets all have an affair!”,
I said to Miss Hocking,
“That is really quite shocking!”.
But Hocking was busy with Claire!
When a most obliging young lady named Ria
Said, “I’ll do anything you like my dear!”,
And I said to Rose,
“Please, take off your clothes”,
She said, “my dear, my name isn’t Ria!”.
There was a young lady named Moriah
Who desired to burn the old squire.
The helpful vicar Hatch
Passed her a match,
And the squire he divorced young Moriah!
When I met a man at his mowing
And said to him, “how is it going?”,
He said to me, “oh no!
I’ve just cut off my toe!”,
I said, “but how is your mowing going?”
There once was a man of Settle
Who fell into a large boiling kettle.
When they said, “is it hot!”,
He said, “pass me that teapot!
I just can’t settle in this kettle!
K Morris - Poet 