Tag Archives: fashion

When A Young Lady Named Rose

When a young lady named Rose
Bought a set of completely clear clothes,
The people, being rude
Said, “you are nude!”,
Why they said that, nobody knows!

Wear High Heels

Were high heels for they make you tall

But be careful lest you fall.

Situations are slippery as eels.

The ground feels

firm

but the worm

may turn

and swallow

the hollow

you.

Were high heels for you are pretty

And the citty

Is full of witty

Men

Who employ their pen

To record every slip

And trip.

Watch the pavement as you walk

For people talk

And reputations are brittle as bones

That break on stones …

I Am Now A Fashion Model

I am delighted to announce that I have branched out into pastures new. Not only do I write but, in addition I’ve taken a tentative step into the world of alternative fashion. Should anyone wish to consult me on the best alternative looks please do not hesitate to contact me. I can, I assure you be relied upon to furnish advice in respect of fashion which will have your family, friends and others agog with envy. Well they will be agog anyway!

This morning a colleague remarked that I had on one brown and one black shoe. I am registered blind with limited residual vision so haden’t picked up on this fact until my colleague enlightened me!

I own 2 pairs of work shoes, one black and the other brown. Both have precisely the same pattern on the upper part of the shoe while the soul is also identical which explains my own unique fashion statement! What a relief that I don’t currently have a female in my life or heaven knows what shoes I might (accidentally) have put on this morning …

For tips on fashion please email me at newauthoronline (at) gmail.com – or not as the case may be

 

Kevin

The Handbag

“Oh please darling, I like it” Cindy said allowing her hands to caress the soft leather of the handbag.

John watched mesmerised as his girlfriend’s hands stroked the shiny black leather. Softly as though stroking a cat Cindy’s delicate fingers moved back and forth.

“Its beautiful John. Your little bunnykins wants it” she purred, her eyes holding out the prospect of the evening to come.

John glanced at the price tag.

“We can’t afford it babe, £350 is a lot of money. Sorry sweetie”.

John glanced up at the dark sky as they exited the shop. Black clouds loomed threateningly overhead.

“It’s going to pour down. We’d better run to the car before the heavens open!”

“You don’t love me” Cindy said turning away from him.

“You know that isn’t true darling. I’d do anything for you” John replied taking Cindy’s arm.

Cindy shook herself free angrily.

“Mean man, there is always money for going down the pub with your mates. Nothings to much trouble when you’re meeting the boys but when ever I want something its always, “sorry sweetie, it’s too expensive”. You’re a selfish bastard, you don’t give a shit about anyone else”.

“That isn’t true!”

“Yes it is and you know it!” Cindy said turning away from John and walking in the opposite direction to that in which they had been heading.

“Where are you going?”

“Anywhere to get away from my mean boyfriend!”

“Don’t be like that Cindy” John said striding after her.

“I’ve had enough John, its over”.

“Just because I wouldn’t buy you an overpriced bloody handbag. It was probably made in Thailand for peanuts and its being sold here for £350! Anyway who bought you those designer boots you’re wearing and the leather coat?”

“I know darling but, please buy your bunnykins that lovely bag. I like it. Cindy loves her Johnykins” she said taking John’s hand and smiling that bewitching smile which never failed to produce the desired result.

“Well I suppose I could use the credit card”,

“Oh you do love me darling” Cindy said standing on tiptoe to kiss her boyfriend full on the lips. John shivered at the prospect of the delights to come.

“We’d better hurry before the shop closes” he said.

 

 

“That’s disgusting, some girls have no pride”.

John had been drifting off to sleep following a particularly energetic bout of bedroom antics but at the sound of his girlfriend’s voice he turned to face her.

“What’s that my darling?”

Cindy gestured towards the television which stood on a stand in the corner of the bedroom.

“Look at her. I’d die of shame before I’d do that”.

“What Cindy?” John said rubbing his tired eyes.

“Sleep with men for money. Christ some girls have no pride. Turn it off darling, it’s horrible, I can’t watc

 

The end h it” Cindy said with a shiver.