Tag Archives: humour

Celebrity

A celebrity who appears on my TV

Is looking for a date with me.

Her name is Miss Spink

And I’ve seen her wink,

And I know that winks for me!

A Young Lady’s Hat

When a young lady wearing only a hat

Went and invited me back to her flat,

And I said, “Rose!

Where are your clothes!”,

She said, “You’re silly! They’re at my flat!”

 

My Literary Estate

I am marrying a young lady named Kate

Who will inherit all of my literary estate.

She says, “writers have money”,

Which I find really funny –

As she’ll inherit all of my literary estate …

Jacinta’s Splinter

When a young lady named Jacinta

Went and trod on a splinter,

She hopped all around

And said something profound.

And then she cursed that splinter!

If there is No Heaven or Hell

If there is no heaven or hell

Then one may as well

Give in to sin.

 

 

But they say Hell’s fire is hot

So perhaps better not

Play with pretty Miss Moriah.

 

 

Though I have heard the atheists tell

There is no hell.

So I’m going to heaven

With Moriah at 7 …

The Man Who Liked to Eat Chalk

A man who liked to eat chalk

Said that it helped him to talk.

One day, feeling bored,

He swallowed a blackboard.

Which worked very well with that chalk!

 

Reading in Bed

When I met a young lady in red

Who said, “do you read when in bed?”,

I said, “dear Miss Ling

Do you fancy a fling?”,

She said, “I only read in my bed!”

Careless Miss White

A careless young lady named Miss White

Often falls in the street at night.

A kindly vicar called Paul

Said, “many young women fall”,

As he picked her up last night …!

The Dangers of Blackmail

When a young man named Lee

Went and tried to blackmail me,

I gave a big smile

And said, “meet Mr crocodile!”

Which ended that blackmail and Lee …!

Assaulted by a Tree!

In the churchyard, something fell from a tree

And nearly hit me

There is a time for composing fine rhyme

About graveyards and mortality.

And the occasional limerick can be great fun.

But trees assaulting me!

That makes me run!