Tag Archives: humour

Anyone For A Hair Cut?

On popping into the hairdressers this morning (I like to get my hair cut at least once a year whether it needs it or not), I learned that the leader of the Labour Party, Ed Miliband, had visited the Upper Norwood and Crystal Palace area in which I live, http://www.croydonguardian.co.uk/archive/2013/12/09/10864355.Labour_leader_Ed_Miliband_visits_small_businesses_in_Upper_Norwood_and_Crystal_Palace/. Apparently he popped into the shop but, I understand that he did not enjoy the attentions of the excellent hairdressers who, periodically have the dubious pleasure of cutting my own unruly mop! He did, however pop into the BookSeller Crow, a shop which I visit from time to time. The visit was aimed at promoting local small businesses of which BookSeller Crow is one such.

The above news pales into insignificance compared to the exploits of my guide dog, Trigger who decided, while I was having my hair cut, to present a towel to a gentleman who was also having his hair cut. It is the retriever in him which causes him to pick up all kinds of objects, my guide dog that is, not the customer.

Christmas Presents

On the train yesterday I overheard the following conversation between a little girl and her mum.

Little girl, “Can I have a cat for Christmas?”

Mum, “No, you can have turkey like everyone else!”

(Many of the jokes contained in christmas crackers are fairly dire. However a few, such as the above are rather good. This is one which fell out of a Christmas cracker during my work’s Christmas dinner yesterday).

High Up In The Trees

Tomorrow is my office’s Christmas dinner which is taking place in central London. So if you turn on your televisions and see a man sitting astride the Christmas tree in Trafalgar Square, while tourists take pictures assuming that it is all part of some ancient English custom, it will be me having imbibed to much orange juice or whatever one drinks at Christmas parties. On second thoughts I may confine my antics to dancing on the restaurant table with my guide dog Trigger! Seriously after all that celebrating I will not be posting tomorrow! Kevin

Anyone Fancy A Cup Of …

I do like a nice cup of coffee with milk and if I’m feeling a little naughty in goes a tea spoon of sugar. A few minutes ago I stood in my kitchen spooning coffee into a mug. I added a drop of milk and poured boiling water onto the coffee. The delicious aroma of coffee asailed my nostrils. Soon I would be able to relax with a steaming hot cup of coffee. I stirred the coffee and felt something move in the mug. It was soggy and, obviously wet … I had added a tea bag to the concoction without the fact having registered. I wonder whether I can market coffee with a hint of P G Tips or should that be tea with a delicious flavouring of coffee!

I am pleased to report that I am now enjoying a mug of (just) coffee as I write this!

Girl Builds Herself Boyfriend Out Of Soap Bubbles

Now that would avoid arguments about who should do the housework, or any other kind of disagreement (although conversation might be somewhat limited …)! http://en.rocketnews24.com/2013/11/29/girl-builds-herself-a-boyfriend-out-of-soap-bubbles/

Anyone Fancy Spam For Lunch?

One of the chores of maintaining a blog is going through the spam folder. All those kind individuals wishing to sell you products, such as Viagra which you didn’t even know you needed until their sales pitch ended up in your spam folder. Actually even after it arrived in your spam queue you aren’t exactly convinced that you have a burning desire for whatever product the spammer happens to be hawking!

Going through the spam can be a real pain in the neck. However I do, on occasions derive some humour from the comments which end up there. Take for example this comment which I discovered lurking in my spam this morning:

“Thanks so considerably for this! I have not been this thrilled by a blog post for fairly some time! You have received it, whatsoever that means in running

a blog. In any case, Youa??re definitely a person that has anything to say that individuals should listen to.”

I haven’t got a clue what the spammer is talking about but it did bring a smile to my face!

On a serious point I can not, for the life of me make out what spammers hope to achieve by comments such as that quoted above. OK the people hawking Viagra (fake or otherwise) constitute a right royal pain. I can, however understand their motivation (I.E. the desire to make money) but what possesses someone to write utter gibberish such as the example given above? It beats me, it really does!

 

Anyone For Chocolate?

It was a warm autumnal evening. In fact it was unseasonably hot and I was wondering not for the first time that day what on earth had possessed me to put on a raincoat. Well I could, just possibly justify the waterproof but the fleece which attaches to the raincoat? Surely I ought to have removed the fleece before leaving for work in the morning.

As I approached the crossing opposite to Charing Cross station I heard the dulcet tones of a young lady enquiring whether I’d like some chocolate. Now as anyone who works or visits London on a regular basis will know it is fairly common for passersby to be offered free samples ranging from tea to various food stuffs. I had, however never been approached on the street prior to this afternoon. Indeed my first reaction was to think “how kind” and decline the chocolate which I, in my naivety assumed was being offered as a gift. The young lady had a wonderful foreign accent which greatly intrigued me. Perhaps giving gifts of chocolate to total strangers formed an integral part of her culture or was my newly found acquaintance so enamoured with me that she felt impelled to demonstrate her affection by furnishing me with a gift of chocolate. It was, quite obviously the latter I concluded.

My newly found love was, alas to shy to confess her feelings. On me enquiring as to why she was visiting the UK my companion informed me that she was a Mexican student studying here.  Selling chocolate was, she said her way of making money. As I say a deeply shy young lady who, rather than confessing her passion for a total stranger chose rather to invent a cock and bull tale about selling chocolate!

Well we parted friends dear reader, the young woman clutching £1 which I paid for the crunchy which she provided. I have been trying to find where she wrote her number on the paper but alas in her excitement she forgot to include it on the wrapper. Oh well there are plenty more fish in the sea …

Bridget Jones and David Jason under the covers

I am a fan of David Jason in his role as Delboy in the ITV sitcom Only Fools and Horses. I was therefore amused to learn that 40 pages of his autobiography have been accidentally printed in Helen Fielding’s new Bridget Jones book, Mad About The Boy. I must confess to never having read The Diary Of Bridget Jones but this story made me chuckle, http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2013/10/10/bridget-jones-printing-error-david-jason_n_4077784.html