Tag Archives: spam

On Going Through My Junk Mail Folder

“Russian Women Online”,
I am fine
As I am
without your spam!
Go away
I will not pay.
Whatever you say
About beautiful women.
My money I will not be binning.
I will save my hard earned cash.
There you go, into the trash!
Today I will not be sinning.
Goodbye Russian women!

The above was prompted by an email received in my spam folder today (29 December 2015). I can not for the life of me think why Gmail placed this missive in junk mail …!

Has Anyone Heard Of These People?

I have received several emails from ebookpromoguys@gmail.com. I have no recollection of having contacted this company. Consequently their messages are, to my knowledge wholly unsolicited by me. Has anyone come across this organisation? They are doing a hard sell concerning their ability to “promote” author’s work. I have no intention of signing up with ebookpromoguys but was wondering whether I am the only person receiving these missives.

 

Kevin

An Offer I Simply Can Not Afford To Turn Down

Below is an e-mail from a most noble and worthy gentleman together with my response. The e-mil was, for some inexplicable reason relegated by Google to my spam folder. Riches await me …!

 

Email From Dr Menah

 

“My dear good frend

Compliment of the season, how are you and your family? Hope All is well. I am Dr. Igho Menah, the accountant general in the accounts unit Bank of Africa (BOA-BF) Ouagadougou Burkina Faso. I got your contact from the Burkina Faso chambers of commerce have some fund to claim in my bank Which will be of benefit to both of us.

 

I want you to be an inheritor of the fund, the fund is in a Doormat account and with your bank information and my Documentation certifies you as the inheritor/beneficiary Since I am an insider and working in the same bank, the Transfer will be processed legally and successfully and I will Be coming down to your country for disbursement.

 

The amount of money involved is ($5.6million) which I want you to Claim for further transfer out of the country to your bank Account, all to our financial benefit. This is very great opportunity as it will take a maximum of 7 banking Working days to be concluded.

 

I as an insider will do my duties perfectly well concerning this transaction for security reasons. This is confidential for successful conclusion and hitch-free transaction. Contact me immediately for further details and mutual Relationship and we will decide together on how to disburse The funds and percentage as well, my private email Address :(address deleted by me)

 

I will be waiting to hear from you.

 

Yours truly.
Dr. Igho Menah.”

 

 

 

My Response

“Dear Dr Menah,

thank yu for your kind communication and good wishes in respect of myself and those dear to me. I am touched that a gentleman of such exhaulted position (I refer, of course to your noble personage) should take time away from his busy schedule to contact me, a mere author. I trust that my response kindles in what, I feel sure must be a heart full of the milk of human kindness,feelings of the upmost exhaultation.

I was most interested to read your kind invitation to participate in your scheme for relieving your country’s bank of a significant sum of money. I feel certain that an upright gentleman, a man of probity and, no doubt deeply religious beliefs would not be a party to (or expect me, a humble author) to participate in what some uncharitable individuals, (not myself I hasten to add) might construe as constituting fraudulent conduct. I was, incidentally most interested to read about the “Doormat account”. I have not heard of any such banking instrument and would be most grateful if you could find time in your busy schedule to enlighten me regarding what a “doormat account” consists of?

I will give your offer the consideration which it so richly deserves. You may expect to hear from me, via a message placed in a beer bottle which I shall drop in the great Atlantic in the hope and expectation that my bank account details will reach your good self in a timely fashon.

Are you, by the way a lover of literature.? I feel sure that a man of your stature must be very learned. May I take the liberty of suggesting that you may wish to visit my Amazon author page. You will, I am confident find material to entertain and delight you contained therein.

 

Yours most insincerely

A Humble Author

 

(Note; I did not, in fact respond to Dr Menah’s most generous invitation but, had I done so the above is what I would have penned in response).

Anyone Fancy Spam For Breakfast?

Until very recently all of the spam I received was for older posts on my blog. However the spammers are now commenting on articles which have only recently appeared here. Fortunately most of the junk is caught by the WordPress filters but the odd spam comment slips through the net and ends up in my inbox to await it’s swift dispatch to my site’s spam folder.

Most spam comments are glaringly obvious, being marked out as junk by terrible grammar, poor sentence construction and spelling which ought to have the spammer confined to the stocks and pelted with rotten eggs. Come to think of it generators of junk should be put in the stocks as a matter of course irrespective of their ability to spell. So who’s going to throw the first egg? Form an orderly queue please and no pushing!

Thank You Dear Spammer

On visiting my Dashboard I was intrigued to observe that there are 4,106 comments in my spam queue. Does this mean that I have arrived as a blogger? I mean surely one could argue that the more spam one receives the greater the interest your blog is attracting. Then again perhaps not! To all those lovely spammers a big thank you for choosing my blog. My heart fills with joy whenever I see advertisements, in my spam folder for fake branded products. I no longer need to visit Marks and Spencers or any other store as, with one click of a mouse I am able to access a plethora of dodgy products which would make Delboy from Only Fools and Horses green with envy. Thank you dear spammers, it is good to know that instead of earning an honest living you choose rather to enliven my dull world with all those items I never knew I needed. Thank you!

Anyone Fancy Spam For Lunch?

One of the chores of maintaining a blog is going through the spam folder. All those kind individuals wishing to sell you products, such as Viagra which you didn’t even know you needed until their sales pitch ended up in your spam folder. Actually even after it arrived in your spam queue you aren’t exactly convinced that you have a burning desire for whatever product the spammer happens to be hawking!

Going through the spam can be a real pain in the neck. However I do, on occasions derive some humour from the comments which end up there. Take for example this comment which I discovered lurking in my spam this morning:

“Thanks so considerably for this! I have not been this thrilled by a blog post for fairly some time! You have received it, whatsoever that means in running

a blog. In any case, Youa??re definitely a person that has anything to say that individuals should listen to.”

I haven’t got a clue what the spammer is talking about but it did bring a smile to my face!

On a serious point I can not, for the life of me make out what spammers hope to achieve by comments such as that quoted above. OK the people hawking Viagra (fake or otherwise) constitute a right royal pain. I can, however understand their motivation (I.E. the desire to make money) but what possesses someone to write utter gibberish such as the example given above? It beats me, it really does!