Tag Archives: scams

Breakdown

When my landline rang earlier today, I was in 2 minds as to whether or not I should answer it. Other than my mum, few people call me at home, most of my arrangements to meet with friends being made either via email, face-to-face or, occasionally via text message.

My home number is not in the Directory so no one (other than those I choose to give my number to) should know it. However, for whatever reason, my number has fallen into the hands of scammers who entertain me from time to time with their antics.

Returning to today, I determined to answer my landline:

Me: “Hello?”
Unidentified individual: “how are you today?”
Me: “OK”.
Unidentified individual: “your breakdown cover has expired”.

I was, of course concerned that the breakdown insurance I have for my guide dog needed renewing. How could I have been so absent minded as to forget to pay my annual premium for breakdown Cover to Dogs Are Us Breakdown Insurance LTD. I knew that I ought to have set up an automatic direct debit so as to ensure that the cover renews without me having to take any action, but chose not to do so.

I was, of course deeply concerned that no mechanic from Dogs Are Us Breakdown Insurance LTD would come out where my guide dog to develop a mechanical fault, consequently I reached, straight away for my bank details and provided them to the nice gentleman at the other end of the line.

I must go now as I need to check whether my bank account has been debited in favour of Dogs Are Us Breakdown Insurance LTD …

A Scammer Came Acalling

“Mr Morris?”
“Whose calling?”
“Your internet provider”.
“And who is my internet provider?”
“I’m calling from” (the caller proceeds to mention an internet service provider (ISP), but not the company who provide me with both my web connection and telephone line, and, not surprisingly, I hang up without another word)!
Given that my home telephone number (landline) is unlisted in the telephone directory, heaven only knows how these scammers obtained my number! My ISP has been hacked, several times which may, perhaps explain the number of such calls received by me. Whatever the cause, it is extremely annoying and the things which I would like to do to these cold callers/scammers are, quite literally unprintable!

On Going Through My Junk Mail Folder

“Russian Women Online”,
I am fine
As I am
without your spam!
Go away
I will not pay.
Whatever you say
About beautiful women.
My money I will not be binning.
I will save my hard earned cash.
There you go, into the trash!
Today I will not be sinning.
Goodbye Russian women!

The above was prompted by an email received in my spam folder today (29 December 2015). I can not for the life of me think why Gmail placed this missive in junk mail …!

An Offer I Simply Can Not Afford To Turn Down

Below is an e-mail from a most noble and worthy gentleman together with my response. The e-mil was, for some inexplicable reason relegated by Google to my spam folder. Riches await me …!

 

Email From Dr Menah

 

“My dear good frend

Compliment of the season, how are you and your family? Hope All is well. I am Dr. Igho Menah, the accountant general in the accounts unit Bank of Africa (BOA-BF) Ouagadougou Burkina Faso. I got your contact from the Burkina Faso chambers of commerce have some fund to claim in my bank Which will be of benefit to both of us.

 

I want you to be an inheritor of the fund, the fund is in a Doormat account and with your bank information and my Documentation certifies you as the inheritor/beneficiary Since I am an insider and working in the same bank, the Transfer will be processed legally and successfully and I will Be coming down to your country for disbursement.

 

The amount of money involved is ($5.6million) which I want you to Claim for further transfer out of the country to your bank Account, all to our financial benefit. This is very great opportunity as it will take a maximum of 7 banking Working days to be concluded.

 

I as an insider will do my duties perfectly well concerning this transaction for security reasons. This is confidential for successful conclusion and hitch-free transaction. Contact me immediately for further details and mutual Relationship and we will decide together on how to disburse The funds and percentage as well, my private email Address :(address deleted by me)

 

I will be waiting to hear from you.

 

Yours truly.
Dr. Igho Menah.”

 

 

 

My Response

“Dear Dr Menah,

thank yu for your kind communication and good wishes in respect of myself and those dear to me. I am touched that a gentleman of such exhaulted position (I refer, of course to your noble personage) should take time away from his busy schedule to contact me, a mere author. I trust that my response kindles in what, I feel sure must be a heart full of the milk of human kindness,feelings of the upmost exhaultation.

I was most interested to read your kind invitation to participate in your scheme for relieving your country’s bank of a significant sum of money. I feel certain that an upright gentleman, a man of probity and, no doubt deeply religious beliefs would not be a party to (or expect me, a humble author) to participate in what some uncharitable individuals, (not myself I hasten to add) might construe as constituting fraudulent conduct. I was, incidentally most interested to read about the “Doormat account”. I have not heard of any such banking instrument and would be most grateful if you could find time in your busy schedule to enlighten me regarding what a “doormat account” consists of?

I will give your offer the consideration which it so richly deserves. You may expect to hear from me, via a message placed in a beer bottle which I shall drop in the great Atlantic in the hope and expectation that my bank account details will reach your good self in a timely fashon.

Are you, by the way a lover of literature.? I feel sure that a man of your stature must be very learned. May I take the liberty of suggesting that you may wish to visit my Amazon author page. You will, I am confident find material to entertain and delight you contained therein.

 

Yours most insincerely

A Humble Author

 

(Note; I did not, in fact respond to Dr Menah’s most generous invitation but, had I done so the above is what I would have penned in response).