The squire’s desire,
Sets the housemaid on fire.
Her father,
Gets in a lather.
While the carpenter Able,
Builds a cradle.
Oh young ladies, beware the dangers of waiting at table!
The Housemaid And The Squire (Humour)
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Tag Archives: satire
Mail Order Bride
I swallowed my pride
and ordered a mail order bride.
She arrived posthaste at my place.
She was cross but pretty
Having travelled from a foreign city
In a cardboard box.
The mailman was shocked
When she knocked
To obtain release.
He called the police
Who attended our wedding feast!
K Morris reading his poem ‘The Gentleman Suitor to his Beloved’
Me reading my poem ‘The Gentleman Suitor to his Beloved’
The Fox And The Bear
A fox he went a-hunting, a-hunting with a bear,
They tracked a huntsman down, they tracked him to his lair.
Said the huntsman to the animals, “Two against one simply isn’t fair. Give a man a sporting chance to escape from his lair”.
Said those two to the huntsman, “Sir we have no gun. Come out, we’ll give you a sporting chance, lets all have some fun”.
Through an open window the huntsman tried to run.
The animals followed in hot pursuit, then came the fun.
Angel
An angel dressed in white
appeared to him at night.
filled the dark hours with delight
then came the morning light
she vanished in a trice
Venus In Furs
Venus in furs,
The populace stirs.
“How can a chap so plain,
One lacking a brain,
And so incredibly vane,
A goddess obtain?”
The people declaim.
The reprobate sighs,
“Tis money that buys,
The look of love in her eyes”.
A Gentleman Suitor To His Beloved
A Gentleman Suitor To His Beloved
—
“My darling, let us sit down upon the grass.
Though the firmament fall, my love for thee tis sure to last.
Other men may betray, but my heart is steadfast.
Let us be quick my sweet, for I must dash”.
—
The Lady’s Response To Her Suitor
—
“Sweetheart, the ground is wet and cold,
To recline upon it would quite ruin my clothes.
The heavens show no sign of falling,
Besides, I hear mama calling”.
Deliberately Bad Writing
Inspired by this article (http://www.walesonline.co.uk/incoming/terrible-writing-leads-top-bulwer-lytton-7568759), about a civil servant who won a literary prize for deliberately bad writing, I thought I would try to produce something designed to make the lover of literature groan. Below is my attempt at deliberately bad writing:
It was freezing. Even the penguins wore fur coats while the polar bears refused to come out of their centrally heated homes. Bethany tripped along in her summer dress, without a care in the world, taking evasive action so as not to catch her 6 inch stilettos in the snowdrifts which had, somehow appeared overnight on the streets of Blackpool.
Pausing Bethany rummaged in the pocket of her skimpy clothing for the key to her front door. Or she would have done so had that garment possessed pockets which, quite naturally it didn’t.
“Blow me down with a feather”, Bethany said taking a closer look at her home, “I don’t remember buying an igloo”!
Fly
Fly, you are one of god’s creatures tis true, but must you plague me the whole day through? Must you make that buzzing sound? That infernal noise doth my thoughts drown! Take my advice and go away, before I reach for the fly spray!
Do I?
Do I employ words as a ruse? Obfuscate my meaning to bemuse? Do I, on occasions amuse? Dear reader, my apologies if I am ever rude!
K Morris - Poet 