There was a young lady called Lin
Who liked to bang on a tin.
She banged it every Sunday morn,
Which caused the bishop to warn
That Lin was committing a sin …!
There Was A Young Lady Called Lin
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Limericks
There was a young lady called Rose
Who had an accident while using a hose.
She got very wet
And said with regret,
“I can not master this hose!”
—
There was a young lady called Lin
Who owned a violin.
She played it at night,
Which was much to the delight
Of the fox who raided her bin!
—
There was a young lady called Hester
Who was a bit of a jester.
In the midst of telling a joke
The poor girl did choke,
And they buried her in Chester!
—
There was a young lady called Rose
Who lost all her clothes
While out for a walk.
When her friends did talk
She said,”that’s just the way it goes …!”
One can not “force” book sales
Checking my Gmail spam folder, I came across a solicitation, from a book promotion service, inviting me to advertise my work on their website. The following paragraph particularly caught my attention:
“The (name of site redacted by me) specialize in making
sure that your book gets seen by readers
as well as media on major platforms to force
sales and with clear visibility”.
I am a simple soul and struggle to comprehend how one can “force” sales. As anyone with a rudimentary grasp of the English language knows, the word “force” implies coercion, compulsion etc. The use of the word “force” conjures up images of readers being frog marched to virtual check-outs and being compelled to part with their money. A virtual version of “stand and deliver” if you like. Surely this is not what the company in question mean by their employment of the word “force”.
One can not “force” another to do something against their will without the employment of blackmail, and/or the threat of (or actual utilisation of) violence. I am sure the organisation in question are not in any way advocating the use of such methods. None the less their use of the word “force” is sloppy in the extreme and does not inspire me with confidence regarding the service on offer. Consequently I wont be signing up with this outfit.
The Titanic may have sunk due to a fire in the ship’s boiler room a new documentary claims
A documentary to be aired later today (Sunday 1 January), on channel 4, claims that the real reason for the sinking of the Titanic stemmed from a fire in the ship’s boiler room, which had been raging since it set sail from Southampton.
Had it not been for the fire the documentary claims, what could have been a relatively minor encounter with an iceberg, turned into a major disaster.
While the fire was mentioned at the enquiry into the sinking of the Titanic, according to the documentary not enough attention has been paid to it.
According to the film the ship’s owners where criminally negligent as they set sail in full knowledge of the existence of the fire in order to avoid further delays to the Titanic’s maiden voyage.
There is a fascinating exhibition featuring the Titanic at Liverpool’s Maritime museum which is, incidentally the city of my birth and a place for which I retain great affection.
For information on the documentary please see HERE.
For information on Liverpool’s connection with the Titanic please visit HERE.
Happy New Year!
A very happy new year to all my readers. Thank you for following me in 2016 and I wish you all the very best for 2017.
Kevin
There Was A Young Lady Called Rose
There was a young lady called Rose
Who counted her fingers and toes.
To make quite sure,
She counted them once more,
Then for good measure, she added her nose.
Twenty-Seventeen
The weather is drear
And none save my dog is near.
The new year
Beccons
As seconds
Are here then gone.
The clock’s hands move on
Towards twenty-seventeen.
I have no magic screen
To gaze into the future, but stupidity
And that age-old vice cupidity
Will, I venture to maintain
Continue to reign.
The human race
Has a face
Half devil and part divine.
There is a fine
Line
Between the two.
Looking through
History one finds dreams of utopia turning to hell,
Yet one can not tell
The idealist that he is wrong,
For he will answer you with the same old song,
“If everyone did such and such then all would be well”!
But we are saints with feet of clay
And the utopian’s way
Leads many to stray
Down the path to the ever lasting bonfire
Where the desire
To do good ends in the Gulag and the stamp
Of the fanatic’s boot in the concentration camp.
Small acts of kindness matter
And oft times achieve more than the chatter
Of those
Who would dragoon
Humanity into neat little rows.
And believe there is a man in the moon.
There Was A Young Lady Called Gay
There was a young lady called Gay
Who composed limericks throughout the day.
She read them aloud at night,
Which was much to the delight
Of the owl who lived down her way.
Lay
Girls in throw-away bras
Exit cars,
Who’s engines continue to idle
As they sidle
Away,
For they
Have a visit to pay.
No poet’s lay,
Just the worn out music does play.
Then they are away
To the self-same place
Where another flushed face
Rushes to forget
Regret
In lust and sweat.
There Was A Young Lady Called Louise
There was a young lady called Louise
Who sailed the high seas
In a fine old ship,
Where she brandished a whip
The sailors for to tease…!
K Morris - Poet 