Tag Archives: humour

I DO NOT COMPREHEND

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One of my regrets is my inability to speak any language other than my native tongue, English. I don’t know why I should have a mental block so far as learning languages is concerned. I received good marks in both English language and literature a-levels and went on to read history and politics at university which entailed having a good grasp of English. Despite my ability to make foreigners roll about holding their sides with laughter when attempting to converse with them in their native tongue I was pleased to see that my collection of short stories, “Sting In The Tail And Other Stories” is available in German, French and a number of languages which I am unable to speak! Thank goodness for Amazon’s translators whether human or software based! To learn more about Sting In The Tail please visit http://www.amazon.co.uk/Sting-tail-other-stories-ebook/dp/B00DFK6R54

Did She Really Mean To Say That?

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Several days ago I answered the phone to a lady calling on behalf of the Royal National Institute of the Blind (RNIB). She was conducting a survey and as I am myself blind and I was, at that juncture at a loose end I agreed to answer a few simple questions. At the end of the survey the lady asked my age and on me confirming that I am in my 40’s she announced that

“I’ve been doing all the men in London in their 40’s today and I’m very tired”. Now what can one say to that …

The Joy of Housekeeping

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I hate housekeeping and I’m not talking about housework although as it happens I dislike that also. I’m refering to the need to update the static content on my blog. While I enjoy blogging I find it a chore to update my About, My Books and My Reviews pages. It is a necessity but it’s importance makes it not one jot the more interesting! Oh well I’ll stop belly aching and get on with adding my collection of short stories, Sting In The Tail And Other Stories (http://www.amazon.com/Sting-tail-other-stories-ebook/dp/B00DFK6R54) to my static pages. Oh hold on a minute I fancy a nice soak in the bath not that I’m putting off the dreaded task you understand …

Anyone for Tea?

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One of the great pleasures in life, other than a few pints with close friends, in convivial surroundings, is a nice hot cup of tea. When writing I often sit with a cup of tea close to hand and, from time to time I pause momentarily, remove my fingers from the keyboard and enjoy a sip of that refreshing beverage.   I like my tea with milk and although I have tried to give up sugar, on occasions I succumb to temptation and put sugar in my beverage.

I love tea accept when it goes all over my laptop. Tea and laptops really don’t mix but despite my best of intensions yesterday wasn’t the first time (and it won’t be the last) when I send my favourite hot beverage splish sploshing all over my laptop, desktop and the papers scattered all over my desk. Well the laptop needed a clean anyway and the tea followed by the wipe down with a damp cloth and kitchen towel should have done the trick.

Anyone for a cuppa? I’m just off to make one.

 

…

Shutting Myself off, Not Quite!

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Working full time has it’s advantages not least among them being the ability to meet those piffling little obligations known as bills together with other living expenses! The downside to being in full time employment is that I am usually fairly tired by the time I return home in the evening and my ability to write is, as a consequence diminished.

I want to spend time on long term writing projects which will entail me devoting less to blogging. My intention, at the moment is to cut down on my blogging to approximately 2-3 posts a week affording more time for long term composition. Some weeks I may blog more and others less. Rest assured that I won’t be disappearing so don’t break open the champagne just yet or, if you do, invite me along for a drink!

 

Kevin

 

An Ode to Trigger

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The below humorous poem was penned by one of my former colleagues and relates to the antics of my guide dog Trigger who can be seen in the below photograph:
There was a young guide dog named Trigger,

Who pursued people’s lunches with vigour,

Whether cold food or hot,

He’d go after the lot,

And caused many a smirk and a snigger.

Trigger in the office

Prime Minister’s Questions

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The Leader of the Opposition

“Can the Prime Minister tell the House “how much is that doggy in the window?””

The Prime Minister

“The one with the waggerly tail?”

The Leader of the Opposition

“The Prime Minister knows full well which specific canine I am referring to”.

The Prime Minister

“my civil servants have made extensive enquiries and I am advised that, that doggy is not, in fact for sale. I do, however understand from my right honourable friend, the Foreign Secretary that “In Rangoon the heat at noon is just what the natives shun, but mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the mid day, out in the mid day, out in the mid day sun””.

The Leader of the Opposition

“I have a little cat and I’m very fond of that but I’d rather have a bow, wow wow”.

The Prime Minister

“Perhaps the Leader of the Opposition could put  a doggy on his Christmas list, who knows what Santa might bring him. If the party opposite had handled the public finances more wisely when they where in office then more men and women would be able to afford to own a bow wow” (The Commons dissolves into laughter and Prime Minister’s Questions is suspended).