A recording of me reading my limerick, ‘Claire’.
Kevin Morris reading his limerick ‘Claire’.
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Tag Archives: humour
Kevin Morris reading his limerick ‘Beth’.
Beth by Kevin Morris.
The Joy of Housekeeping
I hate housekeeping and I’m not talking about housework although as it happens I dislike that also. I’m refering to the need to update the static content on my blog. While I enjoy blogging I find it a chore to update my About, My Books and My Reviews pages. It is a necessity but it’s importance makes it not one jot the more interesting! Oh well I’ll stop belly aching and get on with adding my collection of short stories, Sting In The Tail And Other Stories (http://www.amazon.com/Sting-tail-other-stories-ebook/dp/B00DFK6R54) to my static pages. Oh hold on a minute I fancy a nice soak in the bath not that I’m putting off the dreaded task you understand …
Anyone for Tea?
One of the great pleasures in life, other than a few pints with close friends, in convivial surroundings, is a nice hot cup of tea. When writing I often sit with a cup of tea close to hand and, from time to time I pause momentarily, remove my fingers from the keyboard and enjoy a sip of that refreshing beverage. I like my tea with milk and although I have tried to give up sugar, on occasions I succumb to temptation and put sugar in my beverage.
I love tea accept when it goes all over my laptop. Tea and laptops really don’t mix but despite my best of intensions yesterday wasn’t the first time (and it won’t be the last) when I send my favourite hot beverage splish sploshing all over my laptop, desktop and the papers scattered all over my desk. Well the laptop needed a clean anyway and the tea followed by the wipe down with a damp cloth and kitchen towel should have done the trick.
Anyone for a cuppa? I’m just off to make one.
…
Shutting Myself off, Not Quite!
Working full time has it’s advantages not least among them being the ability to meet those piffling little obligations known as bills together with other living expenses! The downside to being in full time employment is that I am usually fairly tired by the time I return home in the evening and my ability to write is, as a consequence diminished.
I want to spend time on long term writing projects which will entail me devoting less to blogging. My intention, at the moment is to cut down on my blogging to approximately 2-3 posts a week affording more time for long term composition. Some weeks I may blog more and others less. Rest assured that I won’t be disappearing so don’t break open the champagne just yet or, if you do, invite me along for a drink!
Kevin
An Ode to Trigger
The below humorous poem was penned by one of my former colleagues and relates to the antics of my guide dog Trigger who can be seen in the below photograph:
There was a young guide dog named Trigger,
Who pursued people’s lunches with vigour,
Whether cold food or hot,
He’d go after the lot,
And caused many a smirk and a snigger.
Prime Minister’s Questions
The Leader of the Opposition
“Can the Prime Minister tell the House “how much is that doggy in the window?””
The Prime Minister
“The one with the waggerly tail?”
The Leader of the Opposition
“The Prime Minister knows full well which specific canine I am referring to”.
The Prime Minister
“my civil servants have made extensive enquiries and I am advised that, that doggy is not, in fact for sale. I do, however understand from my right honourable friend, the Foreign Secretary that “In Rangoon the heat at noon is just what the natives shun, but mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the mid day, out in the mid day, out in the mid day sun””.
The Leader of the Opposition
“I have a little cat and I’m very fond of that but I’d rather have a bow, wow wow”.
The Prime Minister
“Perhaps the Leader of the Opposition could put a doggy on his Christmas list, who knows what Santa might bring him. If the party opposite had handled the public finances more wisely when they where in office then more men and women would be able to afford to own a bow wow” (The Commons dissolves into laughter and Prime Minister’s Questions is suspended).
Clare
There was a young lady called Clare who liked to dance on the stair. One day she did slip, and fractured her hip, so now she dances on chairs.
The Bliss of Solitude
I have just been sitting on my sofa listening to the rain falling. It is a soothing sound and provides a welcome change from the noise of the television which signified the presence of my mum and her partner. It goes without saying that it was wonderful to have my mum stay with me for a week. We ate out often and had a wonderful time including a visit to an historic palace. However the sound of the television and the presence of my mum and her partner made it difficult for me to concentrate on my writing. I require solitude and the absence of external distractions such as music while writing and this has been largely lacking for the past week. My two bed room flat is spacious but it is amazing how sound travels. The answer is obvious. I need to win the lottery, buy a large house in the country and retire to my study in the west wing when guests are present and I need to write. I don’t play the lottery so this may be a little difficult so, dear readers please send donations, however large to K Morris, PO box 252, the Bahamas! I can hear pens scratching already as you all rush to right out cheques for significant sums. I’m off now to check out mantions in England’s green and pleasant land. Kevin
Who Killed Cock Robin (humour)
Below is my rewrite of the traditional English nursery rhyme, “Who Killed Cock Robin” which is written firmly with my tongue in my cheek. I did say (only yesterday) that I wouldn’t be blogging during the visit of my mum and her partner, however as they are currently ensconced watching television I think that I may safely allow myself a few minutes for blogging!
Who Killed Cock Robin Rewrite
“So, constable who killed cock robin?”
“Well sir Jack Sparow claims to have done it with his bow and arrow”.
“Do we have any independent witnesses to the murder because we wouldn’t want some clever defence lawyer to claim we beat a confession out of Jack Sparow?”
“Well sir Guy the fly claims to have seen Cock Robin Die with his little eye”.
“But Guy the fly was seen by Mike the pike buzzing around the picknick tables, near the lake and that is miles from where Cock Robin died so Guy can’t possibly
have seen him die”.
“Well sir Bob the dog says that he saw Matt the cat viciously assault Cock Robin and leave him dying in the long grass by the bird table”.
“But Matt the cat was observed chasing Nat the rat by Len the Hen at the time when Cock Robin was murdered. It can’t be Matt. Besides Bob hates Matt the
cat ever since he stole his owner’s hat.”
“OK sir I’ve just received a tip-off from Blair the bear who swares that he saw Clare the hare strangle cock robin with her hair. I’m off to interview Blair
the bear”.
“OK constable you go right there and interview Blair the bear”.
