There was a young lady called Natasha
Who purchased a potato masher.
But when the darned thing broke
She said, “what a joke,
I shall have to use my gnasher”!
Tag Archives: humour
My Morning
In line with my new year resolution to eat healthily, I popped into my local Wetherspoon, the Postal Order (https://www.jdwetherspoon.com/pubs/all-pubs/england/london/the-postal-order-crystal-palace), and enjoyed a healthy breakfast of sausage, bacon, eggs, Hash Browns, baked beans and tomatos. Well the tomato was fresh so can, I feel sure be classified as healthy …
Following my light snack, I popped into the barbbers to have my beard trimmed. As the good man wielded the cut throat razor, I pondered idly on Sweeny Todd (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sweeney_Todd). Fortunately the establishment lacks blacked out windows and as I was shaved customers came and went, so I didn’t end up in Mr Todd’s cellar or in any pies – well this time at any rate …
On leaving the barbers, I visited Upper Norwood Library (https://www.uppernorwoodlibraryhub.org), and enquired whether they would consider stocking my collection of poetry, “The Writer’s Pen and Other Poems”, (https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1730814883/). On learning that I was a local author (I live some 15 minutes walk from the library), the helpful librarian said that they liked to support local authors and took a copy of my book which will, I hope soon appear on the library’s shelves.
I shall close now as I feel the need for a further walk, as my healthy breakfast is still, quite unaccountably weighing me down!
When A Pretty Young Miss
When a pretty young miss
Went in search of a kiss
Her sister Ling
Said, “men want only one thing,
So stay at home young miss …”.
—
When a pretty young miss
Went in search of a kiss
Her sister Ling
Said, “love does sting
So be careful who you kiss …”.
When A Young Lady Who’s Name Is Lin
When a young lady who’s name is Lin
Went in search of sin
A man most dissolute
Played on his flute
Which pleased that young lady Lin.
There Was A Young Lady Called Heather
There was a young lady called Heather
Who, wishing to live forever
Received a brain transplant
From a maiden aunt
Which made her terribly clever!
—
There was a young lady called Heather
Who, wishing to live forever
Received a brain transplant
From a biker aunt,
So now she dresses in leather!
There Was A Young Lady Called Pearl
There was a young lady called Pearl
Who’s hair refused to curl.
So, in frustration
She emailed the nation,
And set the press in a whirl!
I Know A Young Lady Called Lou
I know a young lady called Lou
Who claims to be 22.
But, all the barmen being mean
Say, “you are just 16”,
So refuse to serve that young lady Lou!
A Young Man Who’s Name Is Wong
A young man who’s name is Wong
Is honest as the day is long.
But, as the days grow short
I think that I ought
To avoid that young man called Wong!
When Out On The Town Last Night
When out on the town last night
I met a young lady called White.
But come the dawn
I felt forlorn
As I missed my wallet and White …
I Know A Young Lady Called Heart
I know a young lady called Heart
Who is obsessed with collecting fine art.
When she showed me her etching
I found it most fetching
And we spent the night talking art …