I know a young lady named Joan
Who is perfect in skin and bone.
Being deeply in love with me
We never disagree
And she lives on my smartphone!
I Know A Young Lady Named Joan
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Tag Archives: humour
There Was A Young Man Called White
There was a young man named White
Who said, “the lights of Rome shone bright,
But they have passed away,
As will this day
And I am drunk tonight!
There Once Was A Man Most Moral
There once was a man most moral
Who married a young lady called Coral.
But on their honeymoon
He found real soon
That she was most immoral!
—
There once was a man most moral
Who married a young lady called Coral.
But on their honeymoon
She made him swoon
As she was most immoral!
—
With my friend, who’s name is Holly
I live in a quaint old folly.
Sometimes at morn
A girl named Dawn
Joins us in our folly …
The Man with Many Lovers
There was a young man named Glover
Who had many a beautiful lover.
One day he answered his phone
And said, “hello Joan”,
But alas it was another lover!
—
A man of evil reputation named Glover
Had many a beautiful young lover.
One day he answered his phone
And said, “hello Joan”,
But alas it was that young lady’s brother”!
My Friend, Who Is Extremely Brave
My friend, who is extremely brave
Spent the night on a murderer’s grave.
I am somewhat more circumspect
But have the greatest respect
For my friend who slept on that grave!
When An Owl
When an owl who’s name is Lou
Said, “TO-WIT, TO-WHOO”,
A vicar named Ted
Jumped out of bed
And made her a pot of stew!
—
When a lady by the name of Lou
Said, “TO-WIT, TO-WHOO”,
Her boyfriend John
Said, “you are so far gone.
I suggest you move to a zoo”!
There Was A Young Lady Called Natasha
There was a young lady called Natasha
Who purchased a potato masher.
But when the darned thing broke
She said, “what a joke,
I shall have to use my gnasher”!
My Morning
In line with my new year resolution to eat healthily, I popped into my local Wetherspoon, the Postal Order (https://www.jdwetherspoon.com/pubs/all-pubs/england/london/the-postal-order-crystal-palace), and enjoyed a healthy breakfast of sausage, bacon, eggs, Hash Browns, baked beans and tomatos. Well the tomato was fresh so can, I feel sure be classified as healthy …
Following my light snack, I popped into the barbbers to have my beard trimmed. As the good man wielded the cut throat razor, I pondered idly on Sweeny Todd (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sweeney_Todd). Fortunately the establishment lacks blacked out windows and as I was shaved customers came and went, so I didn’t end up in Mr Todd’s cellar or in any pies – well this time at any rate …
On leaving the barbers, I visited Upper Norwood Library (https://www.uppernorwoodlibraryhub.org), and enquired whether they would consider stocking my collection of poetry, “The Writer’s Pen and Other Poems”, (https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1730814883/). On learning that I was a local author (I live some 15 minutes walk from the library), the helpful librarian said that they liked to support local authors and took a copy of my book which will, I hope soon appear on the library’s shelves.
I shall close now as I feel the need for a further walk, as my healthy breakfast is still, quite unaccountably weighing me down!
When A Pretty Young Miss
When a pretty young miss
Went in search of a kiss
Her sister Ling
Said, “men want only one thing,
So stay at home young miss …”.
—
When a pretty young miss
Went in search of a kiss
Her sister Ling
Said, “love does sting
So be careful who you kiss …”.
When A Young Lady Who’s Name Is Lin
When a young lady who’s name is Lin
Went in search of sin
A man most dissolute
Played on his flute
Which pleased that young lady Lin.
K Morris - Poet 