A pretty young lady named Hogg
Owns a rather large dog.
When she comes round to mine
We drink fine wine
And then we walk the dog …
A Pretty Young Lady Named Hogg
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Tag Archives: humour
There Once Was A Poet Called Purse
There once was a poet called Purse
Who’s poems became steadily worse.
His work was so bad
That it drove the critics quite mad
So they paid him to stop writing verse!
The Alternative Acknowledgements (humour)
(The below is written firmly with my tongue in my cheek. Well maybe …)!
—
I would like to thank the following for their assistance in completing this book:
My editor, for taking my meagre gains from my literary eforts. (any remaining errors are, needless to say entirely his responsibility, and nothing to do with me squire!).
My partner, Miss Slapdash for her terrible cooking which, being wholly inedible drove me back to my study thereby encouraging me to write.
My publican, Mr Dodgy Geezer for serving what he calls beer, and the various ner-do-wells who frequent the Last Chance Saloon. The activities and conversations of these good people has provided me with literary material for many a year to come.
Finally I would like to extend a special thanks to my lawyer, Mrs Sue ‘Em before they Sue You, for her tireless eforts in fending off the many and various lawsuits which come my way. Her cheque is in the post, honest it is …!
Signed, an author, somewhere
On Going to Bed Last Night
On going to bed last night
I met a young woman in white.
When I said, “please leave!”.
She said, “can’t you perceive
That you are in the wrong room tonight …?!”.
—
On going to bed last night
I met a young lady in white.
When I asked, “who are you?”
She said, “have you seen my left shoe?
And this dress it is far too tight!”.
Awaking As The Clock Struck Midnight
Awaking as the clock struck midnight
I saw a young lady in white.
When I said, “are you a vampire?”
She replied, “no squire,
I’m an actress who works at night”.
—
Awaking as the clock struck midnight
I saw a young lady in white.
When I said, “are you a vampire?”
She replied, “’tis my desire
To act in a play tonight …”.
—
Awaking as my clock struck midnight
I saw a young woman in white.
When I said, “are you a ghoul?”
She replied, “no, you fool!
I’m a thief who works at night!”.
—
Awaking as my clock struck midnight
I spied a young woman in white.
When I said, “are you a ghoul?”
She replied, “no, you fool!
I’m a smoker in search of a light!”.
—
Awaking as my clock struck midnight
I spied a young woman in white.
When I said, “are you a ghoul?”
She replied, “no, you fool!
I’m your mistress who’s name’s Miss Wright!”.
—
Awaking as the clock struck midnight
I spied a young woman in white.
When I said, “are you a naughty girl?”
She gave me a twirl
And then she turned out the light …
A Naughty Young Lady Called Bright
A naughty young lady called Bright
Keeps me awake at night
By playing on the violin
In my kitchen bin
As the cats they yowl and fight!
There Was A Young Lady of Madrid
There was a young lady of Madrid
Who in my bedroom hid.
When my wife Jane
Returned from Spain
I hid with that young lady of Madrid.
There Was A Young Lady Called Lou
There was a young lady called Lou
Who, at Christmas lost a shoe.
Her mother, Jane
Did bitterly complain
As she lost a stocking too!
There Once Was A Poet Who, At Christmastime
There once was a poet who, at Christmastime
Began to compose a rhyme.
He started drinking at ten
And I don’t know when
He will get round to finishing that rhyme …
There Was A Young Lady Called Holly
There was a young lady called Holly
Who wrote a rhyme far from jolly.
But when a handsome stranger named Mow
Kissed her under the mistletoe
She composed a rhyme most jolly!
K Morris - Poet 