When a young man named Lyme
Said, “I ‘ave committed a crime.
But what I ‘ave done,
I just donit in fun”,
I said, “your grammar is terrible, Lyme!”.
Tag Archives: humour
A Young Man Named Lyme
A young man named Lyme
Was completely obsessed with time.
But a girl from Boulder,
With a dress off her shoulder,
Made lyme forget all about time!
When a Young Man Named Lee
When a young man by the name of Lee
Said, “there are plenty of fish in the sea”,
And I said, “do you mean the dating website?”,
He said, “that young lady Miss White.
That girl you should most definitely see!”.
Homer’s Odyssey from Penelope’s perspective
I have just finished listening to a great reading of Homer’s Odyssey on Audible, https://www.audible.co.uk/pd/The-Odyssey-Audiobook/B01AB07Y8O.
Back in 2015, I composed “Penelope’s Complaint”, which takes a humorous look at how the wife of Odysseus reacted on his return:
“Don’t give me all this stuff about sacking Troy.
You have been shacked up with some girl or boy!
You spin me a line
About men turned into swine.
I am sick of hearing of Circe
And your struggle to be free
Of her.
I’m fed up with affair after affair!
As for that painted nymph
On a plinth
Calypso
No doubt she let you go
When she saw how you guzzle your food
In a manner most rude.
Or was she a prude
And was it your language so crude
That caused her to shout
And throw you out?!
Be off once more to the sea
I want to be free
Of thee!”.
“Penelope’s Complaint” can be found in “Lost in the Labyrinth of My Mind”, which is available here, https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01AF5EPVY/.
When A Credulous Young Man Named Perks
When a credulous young man named Perks
Said, “a ghost in the basement lurks!”.
I said, “you fool!
That is no ghoul,
It’s the late Edmund Burke’s great works!”.
A Young Lady Named Gale
A young lady named Gale
Comes from a place called Hale.
She keeps house for a vicar,
Who has a dodgy old ticker,
But her ministrations they never fail!
When the Man in the Moon
When the Man in the Moon
Said, “I don’t have a silver spoon”,
And he wrote lots of letters
To all his elders and betters,
They sent him a broken old spoon!
When A Girl Who Is Pretty and Slim
When a girl who is pretty and slim
Invited me in for a swim,
I couldn’t help but laugh
As its only her bath.
But that girl she knows how to swim!
When A Young Lady Named Mia
When a young lady named Mia
Swung from my chandelier
My friend, Bishop Paul
Feared she would fall.
But she’s already fallen, is Mia!
When a Young Lady Named Henrietta
When a young lady named Henrietta
Said, “my hair it gets ever wetter!”,
I said, “you’ve been in that shower
For well over an hour,
And your Setter has eaten my letter!”.
