A Rather Elderly Gentleman Named Frank

A rather elderly gentleman named Frank
Is extremely fond of a spank,
Whilst my friend Honey
Has plenty of money,
And she likes to visit Frank.

When A Young Lady Named Lin

When a young lady named Lin
Offered to help me with admin,
And I answered her, “please,yes”,
And she took off her dress,
I said, “just the admin, Lin!”.

When A Young Man Named Lyme

When a young man named Lyme
Said, “I ‘ave committed a crime.
But what I ‘ave done,
I just donit in fun”,
I said, “your grammar is terrible, Lyme!”.

When a Young Man Named Lee

When a young man by the name of Lee
Said, “there are plenty of fish in the sea”,
And I said, “do you mean the dating website?”,
He said, “that young lady Miss White.
That girl you should most definitely see!”.

Homer’s Odyssey from Penelope’s perspective

I have just finished listening to a great reading of Homer’s Odyssey on Audible, https://www.audible.co.uk/pd/The-Odyssey-Audiobook/B01AB07Y8O.

Back in 2015, I composed “Penelope’s Complaint”, which takes a humorous look at how the wife of Odysseus reacted on his return:

“Don’t give me all this stuff about sacking Troy.

You have been shacked up with some girl or boy!

You spin me a line

About men turned into swine.

I am sick of hearing of Circe

And your struggle to be free

Of her.

I’m fed up with affair after affair!

As for that painted nymph

On a plinth

Calypso

No doubt she let you go

When she saw how you guzzle your food

In a manner most rude.

Or was she a prude

And was it your language so crude

That caused her to shout

And throw you out?!

Be off once more to the sea

I want to be free

Of thee!”.

“Penelope’s Complaint” can be found in “Lost in the Labyrinth of My Mind”, which is available here, https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01AF5EPVY/.