Category Archives: short stories

What Would Your Youthful Library Record Say About You?

What would your youthful library record say about you? An interesting question and one addressed by John Crace (amongst others) in yesterday’s Guardian, (http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/dec/03/youthful-library-record-haruki-murakami-belle-de-jour).
I, like John Crace, used to enjoy reading the Biggles books. Indeed I still have a copy of “Biggles Millionaire” on the bottom shelf of the bookcase in my living room. A good old fashioned yellow hardback book. I also still possess H. G. Wells “The Time Machine” and his “War Of The Worlds”, together with Orwell’s “Nineteen Eighty-Four” (although the latter is missing one Braille volume. Heaven only knows what happened to that)! I must have been an extremely boring teenager as I have no recollection of reading anything salacious unless one counts a rather abridged version, on audio cassette of “Lady Chatterley’s Lover” which, I must confess I did not enjoy reading.

Kevin

Why Do I Write?

A Review Of My Book “Dalliance; A Collection Of Poetry And Prose”

Poor Customer Service From Future Aids (The Braille Superstore)

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This post is about the poor customer service provided by Future Aids (http://www.braillebookstore.com/). In early November I placed an order for a book which arrived in a matter of weeks (not bad considering the company is based in Canada and the package was shipped using standard surface mail). While the quality of the Braille was excellent, I was surprised that the 2 volumes where unlabelled making it difficult to distinguish them from the many other books on my shelves). I sent an email asking why the books arrived unlabelled and received a response saying that this needed to be requested at the time of ordering. Fair enough I thought, next time I will do that and pay the additional $1 per volume for the service.
On 20 November I ordered a further 2 books from The Braille Superstore/Future Aids and explicitly requested in the comments section of the form they be labelled in Braille. On receiving the receipt I noticed that no charge had been made for labelling and emailed asking whether this had been done. To cut a long story short, I was informed that it had not and the cost for providing the service is $50 per volume (hugely different from the $1 I was quoted originally)! I was also told that I aught to have specified in the comments section that I was willing to pay the additional fee!
What truly irks me about this whole incident is the lack of an apology for what is (quite clearly) an error on the part of Future Aids. I did as requested by explicitly stating my need for the books to have titles shown on the covers. Mistakes happen, but the sign of a well run company is that it’s representatives acknowledge their errors and apologise for them. To put the responsibility for an error (as was done in this case) on the customer is wholly wrong. More worrying is the huge discrepancy in the price quoted for adding the title to the book cover ($1 and $50)! If the facility is indeed available there should be a standard charge known to Future Aid’s representatives, not a make it up as we go along charging structure.
Below I have copied my exchange with The Braille Superstore (also known as Future Aids). Anyone thinking of purchasing Braille or IT equipment from Future Aids should, in my view think carefully prior to doing so.

Kevin

Email from Kevin Morris To The Braille Superstore (21 November 2015)

“Thank you for your email attaching a receipt in respect of the above
order. In the comments section of the order form I requested that each
book have it’s title brailled on the cover. Can you please let me know
whether this was done?

Many thanks,

Kevin”.

Email From The Braille Superstore To K Morris (21 November 2015)

“No, it was not. It is not our policy to label each cover. If you wish this done in future, you would need to pay an additional $.50 per Braille volume.
Thanks for checking.

All the Best,
Customer Service”.

Email From K Morris To The Braille Superstore (21 November 2015)

“Thank you for your reply. I wrote to you on 18 November asking about
this service and received the below (cut and pasted) response on the
same date
“Kevin,

Thanks for your Email.

If you wish, we can Braille the title of each book on the cover during
assembly. This process is done by hand and there is thus a $1 charge
per volume
for this service. You may request it by placing a note in the Comments
box on the Checkout page with future orders.

All the Best,
Customer Service”.
I complied with the instructions and specified that braille on each
cover was required when placing my order, however this was not
actioned by yourselves. Also there is a discrepancy in the price
quoted by yourselves in your latest email and that provided in the
message dated 18 November. Please clarify the position”.

Email From The Braille Superstore To K Morris (22 November 2015)

“You needed to indicate in the Comments box that you were willing to pay the $1.00 charge per volume. As I am sure you can appreciate, there are many of
us processing orders at this time of the year and we cannot all know the arrangement you made with one staff member. It’s a case of getting orders out
to the customers promptly and on time.

All the Best,
Customer Service”.

Secret Diary Of PorterGirl – The Making Of The Book Trailer

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Secret Diary Of PorterGirl – The Making Of The Book Trailer

Many thanks to Lucy of Secret Diary Of Porter Girl for her wonderful guest post. Please do check out Lucy’s blog and her book.

Kevin

Since when did book trailers become a thing? I had not come across them until the release date of my book, Secret Diary Of PorterGirl, loomed ever nearer and people started making mutterings about one. I had previously dipped my toe into the world of moving pictures by making short sketches for the blog with my friend, actor Paul Butterworth. It wasn’t a process I particularly enjoyed, if I’m honest – especially if I was required to be on camera at any time.

But needs must and I gathered together my most trusted and experienced colleagues to scratch our heads about coming up with something suitable. We have previously made numerous music videos and the like, but this was unfamiliar territory. I would be surprised if some of the team had even read a book, you know. However, surrounding myself with the geniuses behind the shadowy and enigmatic Cambridge Underground Orchestra surely had to produce some kind of result. At the very least, the music would be epic.

I am no actress and in truth I would be more comfortable amidst a pit of rancid vipers than I am in front of a camera. But there seemed no avoiding it. The solution? To ensure I had as little screen time as I could get away with and leave all the heavy lifting to the man we know and love as Head Porter, Paul Butterworth. The added bonus was that his son Josh is a film student at Manchester Met Film School and could easily be bullied and bribed into helping us out. Add to the mix an attention-seeking musician or two, a nine year old lighting director and a bit of cross-dressing and all of a sudden we had a cast and crew.

Finding a set was thankfully no problem at all, thanks to the fabulous Templar Antiquities who are happily situated right across the road from our studio. Stuffed to the rafters with period furniture and fittings (not to mention some cool weapons and armour!) we had no problem recreating scenes from Old College past and present. The only down side to this location (if you can indeed call it a downside) is that the dashing American proprietor has an endless supply of very fine wine on site and this did eventually hamper proceedings somewhat. Particularly towards the end of the shoot, when a break-away group of renegade technical assistants (and maybe the Producer. Ahem) set up a small rave back in the studio. Still, there is a lot to be said for drinking fine wine from pewter goblets.

Paul was, as ever, the consummate professional throughout and lived and breathed the part of Head Porter from the moment he put on his bowler hat. In fact, the scene where he is giving our heroine a stern talking to was actually so very uncomfortable for me – such was the realism – that I vowed there and then to only write ‘nice’ scenes between them in future!

There was no avoiding me taking up the role of Deputy Head Porter, but you can also see me acting my socks off as a monk, along with the beautiful lady-friend of the Antiques Shop Owner. We had to be shot from behind, of course, as we look far too feminine from the front to be mediaeval monks. At least I would hope so. Nevertheless, I still see this as my defining moment on screen.

The now-iconic PorterGirl Theme was performed by the aforementioned Cambridge Underground Orchestra and is soon to be available on iTunes. It adds a certain gravitas to the whole production and I rather fear we would be quite lost without it.

I feel that the trailer is very much in keeping with the PorterGirl genre – a combination of expertise, raw talent and wine resulting in something that is just a little bit different to anything else, yet somehow comfortingly familiar. Now, as it is certain that there will be another book, it is also safe to assume that another book trailer will need to be tackled at some point.

So what have we learned from this endeavour?

Musicians are fun yet woefully inefficient crew members. Keep them away from the wine until the final scene.

Professional acting skills are worth their weight in gold.

We really need to find another Deputy Head Porter…

Links:

Book Trailer https://videos.files.wordpress.com/OXtxuKON/pg-trailor-1280x720_dvd.mp4

https://portergirl.wordpress.com/

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Secret-Diary-PorterGirl-Everyday-Adventures/dp/1504944437

http://www.spotlight.com/3812-7830-2467

https://www.facebook.com/paulbutterworthactor/

http://m.imbd.com/name/nm0125348

@proactorpaul

Quote Of The Day

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“If we had a keen vision and feeling of all ordinary human life, it would be like hearing the grass grow and the squirrel’s heart beat, and we should die of that roar which lies

on the other side of silence. As it is, the quickest of us walk about well wadded with stupidity”.

(Middlemarch Chapter XX, http://www.victorianlondon.org/etexts/eliot/middlemarch-0020.shtml).

MyInterviewOnSachaBlack’sWebsite

When Trigger Met Fanny

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THIS IS I – TRIGGER

Yesterday I went with my owner, Kevin to catch a train into London Victoria. He says he has to go into something called the office. Personally I can’t see why. I mean its much more fun chasing foxes and other wildlife in the park or taking tasty snacks from the shelves in those big stores they call supermarkets. Its most kind of staff to leave eatables just where my nose can reach them …! Anyway I digress. As I was saying, I was at Gipsy Hill station yesterday when this furry tease (she is called Fanny I understand) sat on the Oystercard reader arching her back at me. I wagged my tail furiously but she wasn’t having any of it and kept well out of my way and, to cap it all my owner told me to behave. Fancy telling me to “behave”, butter wouldn’t melt in my mouth (it would be swallowed so fast it wouldn’t have time to melt)! This feline fiend has even got her own Twitter account (https://twitter.com/thegipsyhillcat). Who ever heard of a mere cat having such a thing. I demand one immediately!

THIS IS FANNY

Yours disconsolately

Trigger

This Above All, To Thine Own Self Be True

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I must confess to being a little disappointed on receiving the below reply, in response to my submission of several poems to a magazine.

“I read the poems with interest but nothing takes my fancy”.

It would have given me pleasure to see my work featured on a platform other than my own. There is within the heart of man, deny it though he will, a desire for the approbation of his fellows. I am no exception to this rule. I receive a warm glow every time one of my readers likes or comments on my work. Likewise I derive tremendous pleasure on reading reviews left by my readers.

The approbation of others is not, however what drives me to write. Despite the swearing at my computer and the shaking of my fist in frustration when the words fail to come (at the machine I hasten to add), I can not stop writing for I have an itch which needs to be scratched, scratched and scratched again. Thoughts run through my head and must find expression on the page. I can not help myself. I must put pen to paper and leave it to the gods to determine whether or not my words find a place in people’s hearts.

I would like to close by thanking all my readers for following me at newauthoronline.com and reading my work.

Kevin

Encyclopedia Britannica

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Several days ago, I fell into conversation with an acquaintance while enjoying a convivial pint in my favourite pub. During our chat he mentioned that the charity shop in which he volunteers has received a 24 volume set of the 1969 encyclopedia britannica. The person in charge of the shop was minded to send encyclopedia britannica for pulping, for which the charity would receive a small payment.

I (along with my acquaintance) where horrified at the thought of this work of reference being destroyed in such a manner. The book is in good condition. Granted much of the content is out of date but that to my mind adds to the intrinsic interest of the work. It is fascinating to look back at how our understanding of the world has changed. For example anyone opening the 1969 encyclopedia britannica will find the Soviet Union portrayed in all it’s “glory” together with references to Persia which, of course no longer exists. Again the explanation of computers is very outdated which adds to the historical interest of the 1969 encyclopedia britannica.

Leaving aside the beauty of the book (it’s binding etc), the work is a collectors item. encyclopedia britannica is no longer available in a print edition (at least in it’s traditional form of many volumes occupying much shelf space) and has been replaced by an online portal, Britannica.com. Looking online for encyclopedia britannica, I found the 1969 edition is available on Ebay at an asking price of £323. Consequently quite apart from the barbarity of trashing this piece of history the book is, in fact much more valuable in tact rather than as pulp.

I haven’t bumped into my acquaintance since our conversation regarding encyclopedia britannica. I sincerely hope that when we next meet he will impart the news that the 1969 encyclopedia britannica has found a good home on a bibliophile’s bookshelves!

Kevin