Tag Archives: psychology

The Dog in the Garden – a guest post by Kenneth Weene.

Thank you to Kenneth Weene for the below guest post. (You can find a brief biography of Kenneth at the end of this article).

The Dog in the Garden

a reminiscence by Kenneth Weene

What a beautiful garden. We sat on the well-cushioned wrought iron chairs waiting for our hostess to bring tea.

“Won’t you take tea and some scones?” Linda asked before we had even signed the guestbook. “The garden is lovely this time of year.”

And it was, a springtime profusion of color, growth, and scent. Enough to lull us away from the tensions of the day’s drive. More than enough to assure that I would spend the night suffering with allergies. Still, a true delight of a place.

I breathed deeply. My wife pulled out the little pillbox that held my antihistamines. Choosing one of the various pills at random, I swallowed it without benefit of water. When it came to allergy medicines, I had been swallowing pills that way since I was three. Not that they did much to help, or perhaps they did and I still suffered. Oh well, it was a great garden.

I was so busy enjoying the warm spring New England day and the joy of the Bed and Breakfast’s backyard that I hadn’t noticed him. It was only when I allowed my left hand to drift down from my lap, perhaps it and I were ready for sleep. Suddenly, I was fully awake. Cold, wet. What? I jerked my hand up and looked down. What did I expect to find?

I started to laugh. A buff and white cocker spaniel, his head cocked to one side, his tail awag with energy that belied his graying muzzle, his mouth barely able to hold the outsized ball dripping with saliva. Now that was a benefit I hadn’t expected. We had left our dogs in the kennel, and only two days into our trip I already missed them—especially our Airedale who loved to chase sticks. Since she didn’t retrieve, a ball wasn’t Jennifer’s thing; but chaisng a thrown stick, now that was a great game.

“You want me to throw that for you?” I asked and held my hand down near the dog’s mouth. I expected to have that well-slobbered orb dropped into my palm, but it wasn’t.

“You have to take it from his mouth.” Linda had returned with an elaborate tea tray. Scones with jam and cream, cakes, sandwiches, and of course a pot and two fine china cups. Perhaps she thought we were royalty. Over her right forearm was draped a small linen towel—a lovely touch of fine service. If our room was as nice as this greeting, we had lucked into a wonderful deal for our night in Providence.

“He’s blind,” she continued, so he doesn’t see your hand. He smells you… and hears you of course,” she explained before I could ask, “but he can’t actually tell if your hand is open.”

“Blind, how sad. Then he can’t—”

“Of course he can. He uses his hearing. Throw it and watch.”

I gave the ball a little tug and out it popped. Now I understood the purpose of that towel; my hand was awash with saliva.

I threw that sopping ball—not too far, how could he possibly find it if I threw it too far? No sooner did it land then the dog took off, his great cocker ears flapping with each bounce. Almost immediately he was back, nuzzling my hand.

Another throw and then another: each longer than the one before. Without hesitation he was after each toss; The garden was truly the dog’s domain. Never a stumble or a problem with a bush or plant.

“Enough, Baylor,” our hostess said. “Let the man have his tea.”

With an audible sign, Baylor lay by my feet, clearly waiting for me to resume the game. I wiped my hands on the proffered towel and dug into the feast.

Not by accident, I dropped a piece of scone, a bite of cake, a bit of sandwich. Even in the profusion of scents which filled that garden, Baylor found them all.

“Glaucoma,” Linda explained to me at breakfast. “Cockers are prone to eye problems. And ear. And of course they require brushing, just endless grooming. But…” She reached down and stroked Baylor. He buried his nose in her hand.

“Where’s his ball,” I asked.

“In the garden, where it belongs. Do you want to take him out for a while?”

I thought about for a moment, took another bite of the delicious soufflé and one of the fresh baked biscuit covered with homemade strawberry jam.

As I weighed the options, my wife wisely made the decision for me. “Finish your breakfast, and no, you can’t get another dog.”

ken sadie table

Biography:

Having retired from a career in psychology, Kenneth Weene turned to his dream profession, writer. Weene has published many poems and short stories in a variety of venues. With four novels currently available, Ken continues to pen away. He can be found on most social media or via his website, www.kennethweene.com  To find his books, visit http://www.amazon.com/Kenneth-Weene/e/B002M3EMWU

(As many of you will know, myself and fellow authors have published an anthology to raise money for the Guide Dogs for the Blind association. The anthology is free to download but it will be much appreciated if you could please make a donation to Guide Dogs when doing so. For details of the anthology please visit: http://newauthoronline.com/anthology-to-raise-money-for-guide-dogs/)

The Monster Is Just Down The Hall – Guest Post By Tanya R Simon

I am privileged to publish the below guest post by Tanya R Simon, an abuse survivor. For my review of Tanya’s book, “This Present Garden Of Pain” please visit the following link, (http://newauthoronline.com/tag/this-present-garden-of-pain-tanya-r-simon-book-review/). Thank you to Tanya for the below article.

 

 

 

The Monster Is Just Down The Hall

 

by

 

Tanya R. Simon

 

 

Most everyone in America was taught not to talk to strangers, not to take anything from strangers, not to trust strangers, etc. In the 1980s, we began to teach out children what to do if someone tries to make them go somewhere and that person is not a friend or family member.

 

Though first coined in 1963, the phrase, “Stranger Danger” is what school programs, PTA, Neighborhood Watch Organizations, and parents have focused most of their protective energies toward. I think for many people this phrase conjures up a weirdo, standing outside of a school playground in a trench coat with nothing on under, waiting to flash children at recess.

 

The Sex Offender Registry, which became national in 1996, but actually started in 1947 in California, was designed so all parents would know if there was a registered sex offender in their neighborhood.

 

While every single one of these measures is a valid and needed move in the war against those who would harm children. They fail to protect the vast majority of children who are sexually abused. They fail because more often than not, the monster waiting to rob a child of their innocence is right down the hall from them every night.

 

The terrifying fact is that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 5 boys under the age of twelve will be molested by someone they know. And of those who are molested by someone they know, a staggering 30% are molested by a parent.

 

Children molested by a parent or sibling, are less likely to report it to a teacher or counselor. They are more likely to go on to molest their own children. They are more likely to grow up with confused sexual identities, regardless of the sex of the parent who molested them. These children often spend their entire lives living in the shadows of their childhoods.

 

You can protect your child in several ways:

 

  1. Be aware what is or is not normal behavior for your child. If your child is extremely talkative and suddenly becomes quiet and reserved, investigate the reason.

 

  1. Be aware of the background of the people who you let into your child’s lives. Use online services to perform background checks on anyone you plan on having your child around. Never leave your child alone with anyone you have not checked out and know something about. Use babysitting services, accredited daycares, well-known camps and sports programs.

 

  1. If your child does not want to be alone with someone or they tell you they do not like someone, remove the person from your child’s life until you can find out the reasons why.

 

  1. Never assume anything when it comes to the safety of your child. Just because a friend safely left his or her child with someone does not mean your child will be safe with the person. Pedophiles have types and the other child might not have been the pedophiles chosen type. The pedophile may have figured it could not get away with anything with the other child for a variety of reasons, but thinks they can with your child.

 

  1. Following your instincts, never thinking that you must have misunderstood what you saw or felt. Better to alienate a friend than have your child scarred for life.

 

There are textbook signs of abuse that you should be aware of:

 

  1. Sudden hostility towards you or other adults in authority positions in the child’s life.

 

  1. Aggressive behavior towards siblings or friends.

 

  1. Sexually inappropriate behavior of any kind.

 

  1. Bedwetting if the child had not been a bed wetter before. This one would merit a trip to the doctor to check for a physiological reason for the wetting.

 

  1. Terror at the thought of spending time with someone. Even if you think the terror is from spending time with a school friend, there is a good chance it is not the friend but someone in the friend’s life that your child is truly terrified of.

 

  1. Bruises of an unexplained nature, ANYWHERE on the body. Just because your child is sporting a bruise on his ankle and is known to be clumsy or active in sports, does not mean the bruise got there innocently.

 

  1. Bleeding in their private regions or blood on their underwear, sheets or clothes.

 

How you treat your child after finding out they have been abused can also shape the life they will lead.

 

  1. Though you are most likely volcanically angry, do not show this anger in front of the child. No matter their age, in that emotional state they will think the anger is directed at them. And they will take on blame for the abuse they suffered. They will also no longer trust you as someone safe to tell their problems to.

 

  1. NEVER, under any circumstances, ask the child why they didn’t tell you. This also implies that what they just went through was their fault because they could not tell you. There are dozens of reasons why they took so long or never did and you discovered it. Often the perpetrator has threatened the life or safety of someone they love, maybe even yours. The child is terrified of the perp, so no matter how much they think you are a superhero, a part of them believes this could happen and they are not willing to risk you or their siblings or Grandma to take the chance they will be believed. Rest assured the perp has told them that no one will believe them if they tell.

 

  1. Do not treat the child like they are irrevocably damaged. This will send a message to them that they will never get past this experience and can do irreparable damage.

 

  1. Do not treat the child as though nothing has happened. This minimizes the feelings they have surrounding their abuse. It sends a message that they are not being mature or grown up or even right in feeling the way they feel.

 

  1. Please, do not think you can handle the recovery of your child alone. Even if you are a trained professional, this is your child, and you are not qualified. Seek the help of someone who is a specialist in dealing with children who have been through sexual abuse. They usually will state this specification in their website or phone book listing. Often law enforcement officials will have a list of professionals in your area who are qualified. Also, whether you think you need it or not, please get professional help for yourself as well.

 

  1. Please, no matter whom it was or if they promise never to do it again, report the abuser to the authorities. Doing this can stop another child from living through this nightmare, it can get a sick person help, and most importantly it sends a message to your child that they have your belief and your protection and you are not ashamed of them.

 

  1. Tell your child in plain language that they did nothing wrong, that you still love them, and that they are still going to be able to have a good life.

 

  1. Unfortunately, in today’s justice system the laws surrounding Non-Stranger Sexual Abuse are inadequate. Many require DNA samples or bruising in the genital area to even arrest the individual. If you find out after a recent attack, you have to put your child through the collection of the DNA and the taking of the pictures to show their bruises. If there was no recent attack or they suppressed the events, there is no DNA evidence or bruises. A few states do allow for medical records to be submitted into evidence. This allows for physical damage caused by the attack, but does not in anyway tie the perpetrator to the damage, so it usually gets thrown out of court. With all of these possibilities that the person who attacked them will never even see the inside of a court room, NEVER promise your child their attacker is going to go to jail.

 

  1. Never threaten to harm the perp in front of your child because they have probably lived with the fear of losing you because of this and you going to prison forever means they will have lost you. This action can cause a child who has been victimized to recant just to protect the parent they so desperately need.

 

  1. And most of you will think this is a given, but it isn’t, do not stay with the abuser if you live in the same house as they do. Take the child and move away if possible, if not then have the person removed from the house, change the locks and make it clear to everyone in the home that the perp is no longer allowed to be there. Your continuing to allow the perp to be a part of your life tells the child that you value them more than you do the child.

 

  1. Go on loving your child, teaching your child and being an active part of your child’s live. They should not lose anyone or anything else more than they already have.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Emotional Investment Or Negative Transaction: A Guest Post By Emma Tomlinson

Thank you to Emma Tomlinson for the below guest post. For Emma’s blog please visit https://creative5word.wordpress.com/ and for Emma’s previous guest post on newauthoronline.com please click here, http://newauthoronline.com/2014/11/24/primal-a-guest-post-by-emma-tomlinson/.

 

 

 

Emotional Investment or Negative Transaction?

 

 

image

 

http://louishonca.tumblr.com

 

A bit of deepness for the day…

 

How much do we invest in things and people and how much do we see in our returns?

 

When we pay for goods with our money, we expect to see material evidence of this transaction or indeed a memorable experience to file away. But what if

we made a transaction and checked our account to see a big fat zero?

I’m sure many of us would be seeking clarification and feeling rather cheated.

 

Yet, we invest in everything in life to varied degrees and we don’t always receive the booty.

 

How many times have you emotionally invested and been left with a big bag of nothing and perceived injustice?

But we continue to do this.

 

Why?

 

Emotional investment is indeed a gamble. We automatically invest in our families and reap the benefits from support mechanisms and security but what about

when we invest in friendship and relationships?

 

What do we do if the cheque continues to bounce??

 

Do we feel justified in seeking clarification and interest on our emotional transaction? Is it a weakness or a strength to expect a credit statement? To

expect to see our emotional interest rates increasing?

 

Personally I seek this from my significant other. I expect my balance to remain in credit and I believe that this theory works both ways. I do expect a

return in friendships and to see a mutual healthy transaction taking place. We attend our jobs and expect a salary in return. We invest our time in our

passions and reap the positive emotions. We gain knowledge and gain personal achievement and development. So are we allowing ourselves to be ‘ripped off’?

 

Self-awareness and integrity is an important part of sustaining a good ‘credit’ history. To enable a healthy profit, we also need to remain vigilant and

consider the ratio of risk to healthy investment. Financially… we do. Emotionally and psychologically we often don’t.

 

How many times do we support friends and give to others only to feel unappreciated and disappointed?

 

A satisfactory transaction is a two way process and we need to keep our expectations high. Who wants faulty and non – returnable goods? If we expect less,

surely we will receive less.

 

The link to our psyche is surprising yet logical. Our psychological interpretation impacts on our emotional stance and how we perceive our external world.

This affects the value we put onto ourselves.

 

Make every transaction worthwhile… or simply ask for a refund.

 

The mind of a deep thinker…or complete rubbish…it is all down to interpretation and perception…

Dreams

Snorting, their hoofs pounding, horses vast and black chase, pursue, hunt me down. Dark creatures unleashed at night to gallop through my head.
In day light the black mares are stabled where none dare go, in the dark depths of the brain. Hidden, padlocked behind steel doors they wait, patiently for darkness. Night cometh, like ghosts they glide through locked doors. No, need to wake go away, thrashing trying to escape, baring down, snorting. All the years, childhood fears, death, vengeance, nightmares, must awake.

Me Meandering

In trying to create utopia be careful lest your own inadequacies led to the creation of hell. Rather than dealing with deep rooted psychological problems there is a tendency for man to exert himself in the direction of saving the world. A noble aim but be wary that in your attempt your own inadequacies are not foisted upon mankind. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. Look inside yourself and ask why am I acting in this manner? Am I perhaps failing to grapple with my own demons by choosing to fight those of others? Utopia has as many forms as there are men and women, be wary of those (including yourself) who claim to know the absolute truth. Those convinced that they hold the key to human happiness may hold the keys to hell.

Feeling Queasy

The subject of paedophilia is a highly emotive one, “others rush in where angels fear to tread”. Over the weekend I wrote “An Act of Madness” in which we are introduced to Ian, a man with an unhealthy sexual interest in young teenage girls. Ian graduates from looking at images of child abuse online to raping a 13-year-old child who has been procured for him by an unsavoury pimp, Tom.

Although I wrote “An Act of Madness” in a period of only 2 days it is the most difficult story I have written. What Ian does is monstrous and I felt queasy throughout the composition of “An Act of Madness”. The best way to describe why I wrote this story is to say that I felt compelled to do so. One can not brush child abuse under the carpet and it is important to understand what causes men (and sometimes women) to sexually and physically abuse children. Of course to understand is not to condone, the monstrosity of child abuse can never be condoned, however by attempting to get into the mind of the paedophile we can, perhaps help to prevent him from offending or reoffending.

On the one level there is an inevitability in Ian’s offending. He has, for a considerable period and by his own admission maintained an unhealthy interest in very young teenage girls. This interest escalates from looking to physical and sexual abuse (the road from clicking on images of child abuse to the rape of 13-year-old girl is, for Ian all to easy). However Ian recognises that he has a problem, he has the opportunity to seek help, an opportunity which he fails to take. Had he listened to the wee small voice of conscience which cries out in the depths of the night he may, possibly have avoided the offending behaviour which leads to tragedy for both him and the children involved.

For “An Act of Madness” please visit http://newauthoronline.com/2013/06/01/an-act-of-madness-part-1/

Night Terrors

Why do you sleep with the light on? Is it the fear of the bogeyman who crouches in dark dusty corners ready to pounce? Or is it the dread of the hand which, when least expected glides out from under the bed to grab your leg and pull you down, down, down? What causes you when I get up in the night, to ask in a voice full of forboding

“Where are you going?”

Is it the ghastly ghoul which makes you hold me tight, pull me close as though you will never let me go?

You say that you have no recollection of anything bad happening in your childhood. Do I believe you? I don’t know but there is something not right when a grown woman must sleep with the light on. What painted devil do you fear my dear?

 

Prostitute and Client

Purveyor of fantasies and lust without love you stand. Lonely men are tempted to forget themselves becoming lost in your barren land. Frantic couplings attempting to numb the pain, after lust the void returns again. Emptiness calls to emptiness, pain without end, no broken hearts in your arms can thee mend.

I Don’t Like Your Book

I write because I believe that I have something to say. Also I write because I must. I have an itch which must be scratched. Human nature being what it is I hope that people will enjoy my writing and I’m thrilled when they do so. However not everyone likes what I write. I sent a gentleman of my acquaintance a complimentary copy of my collection of short stories, The First Time (at his request I should add). About a week later I bumped into my acquaintance in the street and he remarked that while he had liked the first part of The First Time he’d found the rest “not to my taste”.

To put my acquaintence’s comments into context it is necessary to know a little about The First Time. The main story, The First Time relates  how Becky, a graduate with a first class degree in English literature enters the world of prostitution, as an escort in order to clear her debts. The book deals with the physical and emotional effects of working as a prostitute on both Becky and her fellow escort and friend Julie. In The First Time a tragedy befalls one of the girls and it is this which made the gentleman of my acquaintance remark that the story was not to “my taste”.

At one level I am sorry that my acquaintance did not find The First Time to his “taste”. As I said at the beginning of this post I hope that people will derive pleasure from my writing and being only human it gives me satisfaction when my work is praised. However I can not change my stories to please the gentlemen of my acquaintance or anyone else. In the real world as opposed to the world of fairy tales people do not always “live happily ever after” and The First Time reflects this truth. I wrote what I believe to be an accurate portrayal of the world of prostitution not a fairy story. Consequently while I am sorry that some will find The First Time not to their “taste” I’m pleased that others have understood it and derived enjoyment from the story.

I will continue to write as I do. I can do nothing else.

For the First Time by Kevin Morris please visit http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-First-Time-ebook/dp/B00AIK0DD6