Tag Archives: nonsense verse

When a Young Man Named Lee

When a young man by the name of Lee
Said, “there are plenty of fish in the sea”,
And I said, “do you mean the dating website?”,
He said, “that young lady Miss White.
That girl you should most definitely see!”.

Homer’s Odyssey from Penelope’s perspective

I have just finished listening to a great reading of Homer’s Odyssey on Audible, https://www.audible.co.uk/pd/The-Odyssey-Audiobook/B01AB07Y8O.

Back in 2015, I composed “Penelope’s Complaint”, which takes a humorous look at how the wife of Odysseus reacted on his return:

“Don’t give me all this stuff about sacking Troy.

You have been shacked up with some girl or boy!

You spin me a line

About men turned into swine.

I am sick of hearing of Circe

And your struggle to be free

Of her.

I’m fed up with affair after affair!

As for that painted nymph

On a plinth

Calypso

No doubt she let you go

When she saw how you guzzle your food

In a manner most rude.

Or was she a prude

And was it your language so crude

That caused her to shout

And throw you out?!

Be off once more to the sea

I want to be free

Of thee!”.

“Penelope’s Complaint” can be found in “Lost in the Labyrinth of My Mind”, which is available here, https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01AF5EPVY/.

When A Credulous Young Man Named Perks

When a credulous young man named Perks
Said, “a ghost in the basement lurks!”.
I said, “you fool!
That is no ghoul,
It’s the late Edmund Burke’s great works!”.

When the Man in the Moon

When the Man in the Moon
Said, “I don’t have a silver spoon”,
And he wrote lots of letters
To all his elders and betters,
They sent him a broken old spoon!

When A Girl Who Is Pretty and Slim

When a girl who is pretty and slim
Invited me in for a swim,
I couldn’t help but laugh
As its only her bath.
But that girl she knows how to swim!

When a Young Lady Named Henrietta

When a young lady named Henrietta
Said, “my hair it gets ever wetter!”,
I said, “you’ve been in that shower
For well over an hour,
And your Setter has eaten my letter!”.

The Poet in his Dressing Gown

Where you to see
Me,
Here, in my dressing gown,
Writing,
Would you find my mind
Exciting?
Or would you frown
And say,
“I never imagined him
That way?
He is not as slim
As he ought to be.
His feet are bare
But, his uncombed grey hair
Does, perhaps
Match
That poem on mortality.
I don’t know about his morality.
There are no young women
Hanging from the chandelier,
And no other signs of sinning
That I can see.
How very drear
As I thought there would be!
But, oh gosh,
That dressing gown needs a wash!”.