When a young man by the name of Lee
Said, “there are plenty of fish in the sea”,
And I said, “do you mean the dating website?”,
He said, “that young lady Miss White.
That girl you should most definitely see!”.
Tag Archives: nonsense verse
Homer’s Odyssey from Penelope’s perspective
I have just finished listening to a great reading of Homer’s Odyssey on Audible, https://www.audible.co.uk/pd/The-Odyssey-Audiobook/B01AB07Y8O.
Back in 2015, I composed “Penelope’s Complaint”, which takes a humorous look at how the wife of Odysseus reacted on his return:
“Don’t give me all this stuff about sacking Troy.
You have been shacked up with some girl or boy!
You spin me a line
About men turned into swine.
I am sick of hearing of Circe
And your struggle to be free
Of her.
I’m fed up with affair after affair!
As for that painted nymph
On a plinth
Calypso
No doubt she let you go
When she saw how you guzzle your food
In a manner most rude.
Or was she a prude
And was it your language so crude
That caused her to shout
And throw you out?!
Be off once more to the sea
I want to be free
Of thee!”.
“Penelope’s Complaint” can be found in “Lost in the Labyrinth of My Mind”, which is available here, https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01AF5EPVY/.
When A Credulous Young Man Named Perks
When a credulous young man named Perks
Said, “a ghost in the basement lurks!”.
I said, “you fool!
That is no ghoul,
It’s the late Edmund Burke’s great works!”.
A Young Lady Named Gale
A young lady named Gale
Comes from a place called Hale.
She keeps house for a vicar,
Who has a dodgy old ticker,
But her ministrations they never fail!
When the Man in the Moon
When the Man in the Moon
Said, “I don’t have a silver spoon”,
And he wrote lots of letters
To all his elders and betters,
They sent him a broken old spoon!
When A Girl Who Is Pretty and Slim
When a girl who is pretty and slim
Invited me in for a swim,
I couldn’t help but laugh
As its only her bath.
But that girl she knows how to swim!
When A Young Lady Named Mia
When a young lady named Mia
Swung from my chandelier
My friend, Bishop Paul
Feared she would fall.
But she’s already fallen, is Mia!
When a Young Lady Named Henrietta
When a young lady named Henrietta
Said, “my hair it gets ever wetter!”,
I said, “you’ve been in that shower
For well over an hour,
And your Setter has eaten my letter!”.
The Poet in his Dressing Gown
Where you to see
Me,
Here, in my dressing gown,
Writing,
Would you find my mind
Exciting?
Or would you frown
And say,
“I never imagined him
That way?
He is not as slim
As he ought to be.
His feet are bare
But, his uncombed grey hair
Does, perhaps
Match
That poem on mortality.
I don’t know about his morality.
There are no young women
Hanging from the chandelier,
And no other signs of sinning
That I can see.
How very drear
As I thought there would be!
But, oh gosh,
That dressing gown needs a wash!”.
A Dentist whose Name is Ray
A dentist whose name is Ray
Said, “you have tooth decay”.
He took out a sledge hammer
And a very large spanner,
And I turned, and ran away!
