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The Remorseful Day

I was reminded of the below poem by A. E. Housman, while watching a dramatisation of “The Remorseful Day”, the last in the Inspector Morse series, in which Morse meets his maker (or perhaps not as Morse is an atheist).

Houseman brilliantly captures the desire of man to mend his ways, to become a better person but, in the final verse all hopes are reduced to dust and, as Housman puts it

“falls the remorseful day”.

 

 

 

“How clear, how lovely bright,

How beautiful to sight

Those beams of morning play;

How heaven laughs out with glee

Where, like a bird set free,

Up from the eastern sea

Soars the delightful day.

 

To-day I shall be strong,

No more shall yield to wrong,

Shall squander life no more;

Days lost, I know not how,

I shall retrieve them now;

Now I shall keep the vow

I never kept before.

 

Ensanguining the skies

How heavily it dies

Into the west away;

Past touch and sight and sound

Not further to be found,

How hopeless under ground

Falls the remorseful day.”

The Escort Life

My stories, “The First Time” and “Samantha” explore the world of escorting or, not to put to fine a point on it – prostitution. In “Samantha”, Sam is forced into prostitution by her brutal pimp, Barry. While in “The First Time”, we meet Becky, a young graduate who enters sex work in order to clear her debts and avoid homelessness. All of my stories are fictional as are the characters portrayed in them, albeit based on extensive research into the world of sex work.

Below is a guest post by a young woman who is engaged in escorting in Australia. As a writer it is important to listen to people with knowledge of the subject matter about which one writes. Information gleaned from the internet can be extremely helpful. There is, however value in hearing it from the horse’s mouth so to speak. I am, therefore grateful to Sydsugarbabe (not her real name) for taking the time to write the below guest post. The article below reflects the experiences and opinions of the author (Sydsugarbabe) and does not, necessarily coincide with my own. As a writer receptive to the lived experiences of others I do, however believe that the below piece contributes to our understanding of the world’s oldest profession.

For Sydsugarbabe’s blog please visit (http://sydsugarbabe.com/author/sydsugarbabe/).

 

The Escort Life

Desperation. One word that sums up what it took to finally make my plunge into the realm of pleasing men for money. There’s no real way to sugar coat, I

felt trapped by my circumstances, lack of time, lack of money and couldn’t see another way out. To be entirely honest though, the adult industry has always

been somewhat alluring to me, tempting me from the ripe young age of 18.

When I was young I lingerie and topless waitressed, the thought of becoming a stripper or a prostitute intrigued me though I never really thought I might

actually do it. I, like most escorts I know, have deep seated self esteem issues, I didn’t think men would pay me.

One year ago, I began a business quickly, with no money and little planning…. rookie move… but I was sick of living week to week, scraping together

dollars and cents at the end of each week to buy food. Something needed to change and I set out to change it. Once realizing my business needed more capital

than I had, I began looking into escorting.

I wasn’t game enough to meet anyone from an agency, I would get sick with anxiety at the thought, I wasn’t ready but goddam I needed money. I fell into

Sugar Dating and dabbled there for a few months. Sugar dating was more appealing because I didn’t feel like I was a hooker… sure, in essence it’s the

exact same thing. I am selling my time and my body to men for cash. How I justified it was, I got to choose them unlike in the escort world. These men

wined and dined you before bedding you. It somehow seemed to satisfy my mental anguish in some regards.

Still, I was extremely nervous upon starting. I wasn’t too sure how I felt about it all. It confused me to no end when a man paying for pleasure could make

me wriggle, squirm and moan in what would be called ecstasy if it were a partner of my choosing. I had no attraction to these people, how could my body

betray me like that and enjoy the moment?

I made the transition from sugar baby to escorting when I began dating a male escort. I fell for him because I didn’t need to hide anything. I had no

need to hide my raw sexuality or the fact I too fuck for cash. He began pimping me out in the most basic fashion, but as everybody knows business and pleasure

aren’t supposed to mix, even when your business is pleasure. Tsk Tsk.

I joined a long standing and reputable agency once joy turned to tears with the escort. I began seeing a lot more clients, for a lot less money.  I was

very happy with my decision, but a down day as an escort is a seriously down day. There is no real efficient way to articulate just how empty you feel.

All your energy goes into turning into your escort persona, turning on the charm, and becoming a man’s play toy for hours on end. They all begin to look

the same, they are a blank face with a cock, which you are there to fawn over and excite. You are theirs for that time. You have to mentally detach and

go somewhere else. This is easier in some bookings than others of course. Some clients make you focus and discuss the whole way through the sexual act.

This is draining but this is their time. You must look as though you enjoy every second of it.

It makes my stomach turn with particularly sleazy men, you can watch their eyes turn from corporate profession to this particularly glazed over look, deep

with desire and sexually driven. They don’t see you, they see sex, you aren’t a person, you are a piece of meat.

On the opposite end of the scale there are a few lovely, lonely and old gentleman that require more company than pleasure. The polar opposite to the other end

of the spectrum. The young men. It’s quite crazy to think that a prostitute would rather work with an old man than a semi attractive young one but it’s

true.

Young men are watching every second of their time and make sure they get their money’s worth. Hard, fast and full on for the entire time. Most certainly

not easy cash made in ANY regard.

Regardless of their age, the one thing I despise is a client making me cum. I can’t enjoy it, I don’t want to enjoy it, it’s a service and the situation

would never have happened without the exchange of cash. It is the one time I feel dirty. I understand this is hard for people to comprehend though a friend

worded it well

“Every escort keeps something from their clients, so they can remain detached, something anything. In your strange case it’s your orgasm”

Unfortunately however I can’t keep it away from them all the time.. such is escort life.

The Darkness

Laughter in the bar. Drink flows, hail fellow, well met.

Standing at the urinal, looking out, through frosted glass into the darkness from whence we came and to which we shall return.

We fear the eternal night, surround ourselves with light but, when we look into the darkness we are faced, struggle as we may to avoid the truth of it,

with the inevitability of death, the undiscovered country from whose bourne no traveller returns.

Returning once more to the laughter. The clinking of glasses while, outside the darkness waits, patiently to swallow me.

 

(I am blind but can distinguish between light and dark and perceive outlines of objects but not their detail. So, for example I might see a shape but have no idea as to whether it was a man, woman or tree).

The Wanderer Returns

On 30 December I wrote a post entitled “Do Not Tempt Fate For She Will Always Have The Last Laugh”, (http://newauthoronline.com/2014/12/30/do-not-tempt-fate-for-she-will-always-have-the-last-laugh/). In it I described how the spilling of tea on my laptop had caused said item to migrate to the great IT heaven in the sky leaving yours truly virtually unable to use his trusty steed (sorry, laptop)! I am pleased to report that I now have a spanking new laptop keyboard thanks to PC Repairs Croydon, (http://www.pcrepairscroydon.com/). I took the ailing machine in on Saturday afternoon and picked it up today. I am delighted with the results – my laptop now works well. I will, however be keeping liquids of any description well out of harms way!

The gentleman who runs the business went beyond the call of duty. Not only did he fix my machine, he also helped me and my guide dog Trigger find our way back to the nearby station. In short the company provided a truly personal service and I would certainly recommend them.

The upside to not being able to blog (other than you all not having to read my posts)! Was that it enabled me to catch up with my reading. I am now just under halfway through Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina, (http://www.amazon.co.uk/Karenina-Translation-Carefully-Crafted-Classics%C2%AE-ebook/dp/B004JF4LCU) which I am greatly enjoying. While I wouldn’t recommend spilling te (or any other liquid for that matter on IT equipment) the unforeseen break did afford a welcome time for relaxation.

Over the next few days I will be catching up with all the posts I have missed so be warned I may well be dropping in on you with or without an invite!

 

Kevin

Do Not Tempt Fate For She Will Always Have The Last Laugh

Do not tempt fate for she will always have the last laugh. This truism was brought home to me on 26 December when I wrote a post entitled “A Good Bath”. In it I described how I had spilled a cup of tea over my laptop’s keyboard. I then went on to poke fate most impolitely by suggesting that my machine appeared to have suffered no ill effects from it’s bath. Fate’s ire was roused and when I next attempted to log on to my laptop the machine’s keyboard refused to work, hence my silence between 27 December and today (30 December 2014).

I did write a post earlier today with the aid of a USB keyboard. However, Fate, still wrathfull owing to my tempting of her caused the laptop to behave erratically. The context menu kept popping up without rhyme or reason and I was forced to abandon my attempt. With due abeysance to the goddess Fate I trust that this post will, in fact go live. I am, incidentally drinking a cup of coffee as I write this with the aid of a USB keyboard (the laptop one being well and truly up the spout). The cup is, however on the carpet well out of harms way!

 

(for my post of 26 December please see, http://newauthoronline.com/2014/12/26/a-good-bath/).

A Good Bath

If I should vanish from cyberspace, think only this of me, there is some corner of a Liverpool kitchen where tea should not be drunk while using a laptop …!

Yes I did what most computer users have done at some time or other – I knocked my drink over my laptop. Half a kitchen roll later the machine appears to be none the worse for it’s unexpected bath. I only hope that the tea is not, as I write reeking havoc in the inards of my machine. Well, if I ssuddenly disappear offline for a while you can make an educated guess as to why this has happened …! Fingers crossed that everything will come out in the wash so to speak …

 

Kevin

Sociopaths

A fascinating post on how to identify a sociopath, (http://paularenee.wordpress.com/identifying-a-narcissistic-sociopath/). Sociopaths can be superficially charming and may appear to be wholly sincere. However they are, in reality totally self-obsessed with no (or very) little empathy for others. Sociopaths will lie, cheat and, in short do anything which enhances their own position with no concern for the wellbeing of others.

In my story, “Samantha”, Sam’s brutal pimp, Barry exhibits many of the traits which imbue the sociopath. Indeed Barry verges on the psychopathic end of sociopathy. His aim is the making of money. The wellbing of Sam and the other girls he forces into prostitution does not figure in Barry’s world view. They are, for him merely a means to the greater enrichment of Barry O’Connor.

Are sociopaths born or made? I don’t know the answer to that question. I am, however sceptical of reductionist approaches which ascribe simple causes to what are (often) highly complex problems. Consequently my admittedly unscientific view is that sociopaths and psychopaths are the products of many and varied factors including both environmental and, perhaps genetic factors.

For my story, “Samantha” please visit (http://www.amazon.com/Samantha-K-Morris-ebook/dp/B00BL3CNHI).

Father Frost

In the depths of winter, I thought I would share with you one of my favourite Russian folk tales, “Father Frost”. As the story is in the public domain (I.E. there are no copyright issues) it is reproduced in full below:

 

Father Frost

 

In a far-away country, somewhere in Russia, there lived a stepmother who had a stepdaughter and also a daughter of her own. Her own daughter was dear to

her, and always whatever she did the mother was the first to praise her, to pet her; but there was but little praise for the stepdaughter; although good

and kind, she had no other reward than reproach. What on earth could have been done? The wind blows, but stops blowing at times; the wicked woman never

knows how to stop her wickedness. One bright cold day the stepmother said to her husband:

 

“Now, old man, I want thee to take thy daughter away from my eyes, away from my ears. Thou shalt not take her to thy people into a warm

izba.

Thou shalt take her into the wide, wide fields to the crackling frost.”

 

The old father grew sad, began even to weep, but nevertheless helped the young girl into the sleigh. He wished to cover her with a sheepskin in order to

protect her from the cold; however, he did not do it. He was afraid; his wife was watching them out of the window. And so he went with his lovely daughter

into the wide, wide fields; drove her nearly to the woods, left her there alone, and speedily drove away—he was a good man and did not care to see his

daughter’s death.

 

Alone, quite alone, remained the sweet girl. Broken-hearted and terror-stricken she repeated fervently all the prayers she knew.

 

Father Frost, the almighty sovereign at that place, clad in furs, with a long, long, white beard and a shining crown on his white head, approached nearer

and nearer, looked at this beautiful guest of his and asked:

 

“Dost thou know me?—me, the red-nosed Frost?”

 

“Be welcome, Father Frost,” answered gently the young girl. “I hope our heavenly Lord sent thee for my sinful soul.”

 

“Art thou comfortable, sweet child?” again asked the Frost. He was exceedingly pleased with her looks and mild manners.

 

“Indeed I am,” answered the girl, almost out of breath from cold.

 

And the Frost, cheerful and bright, kept crackling in the branches until the air became icy, but the good-natured girl kept repeating:

 

“I am very comfortable, dear Father Frost.”

 

But the Frost, however, knew all about the weakness of human beings; he knew very well that few of them are really good and kind; but he knew no one of

them even could struggle too long against the power of Frost, the king of winter. The kindness of the gentle girl charmed old Frost so much that he made

the decision to treat her differently from others, and gave her a large heavy trunk filled with many beautiful, beautiful things. He gave her a rich

“schouba”

lined with precious furs; he gave her silk quilts—light like feathers and warm as a mother’s lap. What a rich girl she became and how many magnificent

garments she received! And besides all, old Frost gave her a blue

“sarafan”

ornamented with silver and pearls.

 

“Old Frost gave the gentle girl many beautiful, beautiful things”

 

“Old Frost gave the gentle girl many beautiful, beautiful things”

 

When the young girl put it on she became such a beautiful maiden that even the sun smiled at her.

 

The stepmother was in the kitchen busy baking pancakes for the meal which it is the custom to give to the priests and friends after the usual service for

the dead.

 

“Now, old man,” said the wife to the husband, “go down to the wide fields and bring the body of thy daughter; we will bury her.”

 

The old man went off. And the little dog in the corner wagged his tail and said:

 

“Bow-wow! bow-wow! the old man’s daughter is on her way home, beautiful and happy as never before, and the old woman’s daughter is wicked as ever before.”

 

“Keep still, stupid beast!” shouted the stepmother, and struck the little dog.

 

“Here, take this pancake, eat it and say, ‘The old woman’s daughter will be married soon and the old man’s daughter shall be buried soon.'”

 

The dog ate the pancake and began anew:

 

“Bow-wow! bow-wow! the old man’s daughter is coming home wealthy and happy as never before, and the old woman’s daughter is somewhere around as homely and

wicked as ever before.”

 

The old woman was furious at the dog, but in spite of pancakes and whipping, the dog repeated the same words over and over again.

 

Somebody opened the gate, voices were heard laughing and talking outside. The old woman looked out and sat down in amazement. The stepdaughter was there

like a princess, bright and happy in the most beautiful garments, and behind her the old father had hardly strength enough to carry the heavy, heavy trunk

with the rich outfit.

 

“Old man!” called the stepmother, impatiently; “hitch our best horses to our best sleigh, and drive my daughter to the very same place in the wide, wide

fields.”

 

The old man obeyed as usual and took his stepdaughter to the same place and left her alone.

 

Old Frost was there; he looked at his new guest.

 

“Art thou comfortable, fair maiden?” asked the red-nosed sovereign.

 

“Let me alone,” harshly answered the girl; “canst thou not see that my feet and my hands are about stiff from the cold?”

 

The Frost kept crackling and asking questions for quite a while, but obtaining no polite answer became angry and froze the girl to death.

 

“Old man, go for my daughter; take the best horses; be careful; do not upset the sleigh; do not lose the trunk.”

 

And the little dog in the corner said:

 

“Bow-wow! bow-wow! the old man’s daughter will marry soon; the old woman’s daughter shall be buried soon.”

 

“Do not lie. Here is a cake; eat it and say, ‘The old woman’s daughter is clad in silver and gold.'”

 

The gate opened, the old woman ran out and kissed the stiff frozen lips of her daughter. She wept and wept, but there was no help, and she understood at

last that through her own wickedness and envy her child had perished.

 

The End

 

(For the original public domain work please visit, http://www.gutenberg.org/files/12851/12851-h/12851-h.htm#FATHER%20FROST).

 

THE END 

Happy Christmas To you, One And All

I would like to wish all of you a very happy and peaceful Christmas. The sun is shining here in Liverpool and there is a distinct nip of frost in the air. It is, in short a beautiful day. Wherever you are the compliments of the season to you and thank you for following me at newauthoronline.com

 

Kevin