Tag Archives: newauthoronline

There Is Nowt So Queer As Folk

2 Replies

Shortly before Christmas 2014 I stood at a busy bar waiting to be served. Time passed but no one seemed inclined to attend to my requirements. I turned to the gentleman standing next to me,

“Do you think they have noticed me?” I said.

“Everyone seems to want food. I don’t know why they can’t eat at home, that is what I do. You are different, being blind I mean” my companion said.

 

The above conversation intrigued me. Was my fellow pub goer some kind of puritan with a deep seated objection to people spending money on eating out when they could, perfectly well knock up a meal at home? Puritans generally object to the drinking of alcohol and as my new found acquaintance was imbibing the demon drink I dismissed the idea that he was a strict Puritan.

The idea that the gentleman might be the adherent of a form of extreme left-wing radicalism crossed my mind. Did he feel in the very depths of his being that it was wrong to spend money on luxuries such as eating out when there are people starving in the world? But if he did indeed adhere to such an extreme perspective why allow himself the “luxury” of a drink as alcohol is, surely not a necessity?

As I pondered such philosophical questions a barman approached and enquiring what I wanted proceeded to serve me. I never did get to the bottom of what precisely my new found friend had against people who choose to spend a convivial Sunday afternoon enjoying a roast in a pub rather than slaving over a hot stove. It just goes to prove, as is often remarked in the north of England that “there is nowt so queer as folk”.

Robert

6 Replies

“They call him the new Tolstoy.

“A modern Dickens”, that is how one of the leading broad sheets referred to Mr A just the other day.

“Your latest novel, “The End Of The Beginning” shows such profundity. Really it took my breath away”, gushed Lisa Allingham-Carter, the host of “Books Are For Everyone”, smiling bewitchingly at Mr A. What does Ms Carter no about good literature? The daughter of a peer of the realm and the looks of a cat walk model, that’s what got her the job. I despair about the state of the arts in the UK. Heaven preserve us from the Allingham-Carters of the literary world!

You have to admire Mr A though. He began life on what the media has referred to as “surely the country’s roughest council estate” and now look at him, a mansion in the Cheshire countryside, not to mention the apartment in London’s fashionable Mayfair. Mr A has certainly arrived.

If only Mr A’s fawning fans new the truth. Whats that you ssay? No he doesn’t employ a ghost writer. Nothing so pedestrian for Mr A. Do I feel jealous? That’s an interesting question. I can comprehend jealousy at a purely intellectual level but, no I lack the capacity for such petty feelings.

I could develop the ability to be envious I suppose, for after all one can learn anything by rote. Let me tell you a story. You do have a few minutes to spare don’t you? Good, my tale won’t take long to relate I promise.

Once, not so very long ago there lived a man with aspirations to become an author. He longed to stand alongside the literary greats. To be mentioned in the same breath as Brontae, Dickens and Tolstoy was his dream. Sadly our friend lacked the ability to string a sentence together. His literary efforts where enough to make a cat laugh so to speak. Mr A did, however possess one quality which was to change the world of letters beyond all recognition, without anyone even knowing that society had, forever altered. You see Mr A was a brilliant computer programmer. You have heard of artificial intelligence? Of course you have. Well Mr A developed a programme capable of analysing the vast cannon of world literature. Drawing on the works of the literary greats, the software generated stories and poetry without Mr A lifting a finger (unless, of course you consider his setting the programme in motion as constituting literary effort).

The great advantage humans possess is that they, unlike software can venture out into the world. The writer overhears an interesting snipet of conversation while out shopping and incorporates that into his latest novel. Software can trawl the web but it can’t interact with people nor can it comprehend the myriad emotions which dwell within the human breast. Consequently for some time the software remained at an experimental stage (capable of producing stories but incapable of endowing it’s creations with the vitality that separates the mundane from the truly great).

The literary world has been shaken to it’s very foundations. Nothing can ever be the same again. Yet the world of letters remains blissfully unaware of me – Robert, the literary robot.

Dressed in jeans and t-shirt I don’t attract a second glance. I sit in bars, restaurants and other public places soaking up conversations. Sights, sounds and scents all go into my mamoth brain. Experience of the real world coupled with the knowledge gained from the internet makes me (err, I mean Mr A) a writer possessed of huge literary talent.

I could go to the media. Spill the beans I suppose but, as I’ve already mentioned human emotions such as envy aren’t part of my programming. It would though be interesting, on a purely cerebral level to upset the literary apple cart by announcing my presence to the world. I’ll think on that one. In the meantime I shall return to writing the sequel to “The End Of The beginning …”.

Why drewdog2060drewdog2060?

7 Replies

When I make a comment or like a post “drewdog2060drewdog2060” appears which, when clicked on takes the reader to my blog. It makes me smile when people respond to my feedback by addressing me as Drew when, in fact my name is Kevin. Given the use of drewdog2060drewdog2060 it is easy to understand why people make this mistake! So why the drewdog2060drewdog2060 I here you ask?

My third guide dog was a lovely lab/retriever cross called Drew. I have wonderful memories of our time together including walks in the woodland which abuts my home. Drew was a gentle dog who was loved by all who met her, (I remember people who are usually frightened of dogs stopping to pat her).

Drew had her faults (few of us, apart from me of course are plaster saints)! I well recollect her raiding the bins in the office and helping herself to the odd lunch which unwary colleague’s had left within her reach but, despite all this she was a lovely dog who worked loyally as my guide and friend for many years.

March 2011 is indelibly imprinted on my memory. It was an ordinary day. I had gone into my office in London with Drew and on the way home popped into my favourite local for a pint, followed by a trip to the supermarket. Drew kept stopping to relieve herself. I thought she just had a stomach upset which would pass but in the night she began to pass blood. My then partner took her to the vets but, very sadly she died as a consequence of a heart attack brought on by blood loss.

I got my present companion, Trigger on 4 July 2011. He, also is a wonderful dog and has saved me from walking in front of vehicles on several occasions. Despite my bond with Trigger Drew will forever maintain a special place in my heart. She lives on in drewdog2060drewdog2060 and despite the confusion the use of her name sometimes causes I won’t be changing it.

It is a great pity that dogs have such short lives in comparison to we humans.

 

Drew (sorry Kevin)

Have You Compiled A Charity Anthology? If So You May Be Able To Assist

7 Replies

As those of you who follow this blog will know I am compiling a charity anthology to raise money for The Guide Dogs For The Blind Association (GDBA), a charity which trains assistance dogs for visually impaired people.

I have been moved by the kindness of fellow bloggers and authors in providing a platform to promote the idea and to everyone who has submitted content. I hope that the book will be published in the Amazon Kindle store in February of this year.

I have no experience of charity anthologies and would greatly appreciate advice from anyone who has published such a work regarding how best to get the monies to Guide Dogs? I have my own author’s page on Amazon. I am, however reluctant to publish the work using my Amazon author’s account as this would necessitate me separating out payments intended for Guide Dogs from monies meant for me and forwarding them onto the charity. The simplest and least beurocratic solution would appear to entail setting up the book on it’s own Amazon page while furnishing Amazon with GDBA’s account details thereby ensuring that payments go direct to the charity’s account. I would link to the anthology from this blog and my Amazon author page but the title and monies would remain distinct from my publications. Does anyone know whether this is a viable way forward? If not how have you addressed the issue of getting monies to your charity? Any advice would be most welcome. Please feel free to comment or alternatively e-mail me at newauthoronline at gmail . com (the address is rendered in this way to defeat the scourge of the internet, spammers)!

 

Many thanks,

 

Kevin

You Know That Sinking Feeling

4 Replies

As a writer it is perhaps inevitable that sooner or later fiction and real life will collide. In November 2014 I wrote a short story entitled “Women’s Shoes” which originally appeared as a guest post on a fellow blogger’s site and, subsequently under the title “Shoes” in my collection of short stories, “The Suspect And Other Tales”, (http://www.amazon.com/The-Suspect-other-tales-Morris-ebook/dp/B00PKPTQ0U). The story deals with the obsession of a serial killer with the footware worn by prostitutes and is a work of fiction with no basis in fact.

Having finished “Shoes” I e-mailed it to my blogging friend, shut down the laptop and headed off for Sunday lunch in a local pub. There I sat, pint in hand idly browsing the Telegraph’s website on my mobile phone as I waited for my Sunday roast to arrive. My attention was arrested by a story regarding a man accused of having murdered 2 women in his Hong Kong flat., (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/asia/hongkong/11203291/British-man-arrested-over-Hong-Kong-double-murder.html). The article referred to the victims as “sex workers” and contained horrific details regarding their deaths. Suddenly I didn’t feel particularly hungry. At first glance my story bore an uncanny resemblance to the article I was reading. Both the Telegraph’s piece and my story deal with the killing of prostitutes (in my case on a purely fictional basis while the newspaper’s piece pertains to the killing of flesh and blood women). I had written my story in total ignorance of the murders and had I known of the killings would not have penned it. However given that I had composed the story what was I to do? Should I email my blogging friend asking that the piece be deferred, or not published in any form?

I looked at the facts of the case. My story was set in the UK and was written in total ignorance of the Hong Kong killings. In the (fictional) “Shoes” the killer is obsessed with the footware worn by the world’s oldest profession, (there was no intimation of any such obsession in the Telegraph’s article). In”Shoes” the psychopathic killer keeps his victims bodies frozen in a commercial freezer, meaning there would be no odour of decomposition, while in the Hong Kong case the corpse’s of the unfortunate ladies where found in a state of decomposition in the apartment of the accused (his neighbours had complained of the smell emanating from the flat). In short it was a pure coincidence that my story bore a passing resemblance to the (real-life) Hong Kong case and on this basis I determined not to withdraw it from publication.

There is, as is so often remarked “nothing new under the sun”. It is inevitable that stories written in total ignorance of (real-life) crimes will sometimes reflect (albeit wholly unintentionally), and often in an indirect manner those actual happenings.

 

(Please note, the Hong Kong case is still to go to trial and I make no assumption as to the outcome of the case, I.E. a man is innocent until proven guilty in a court of law).

Book Review – “This Present Garden Of Pain” By Sonya R Simon

3 Replies

I have just read and reviewed “This Present Garden Of Pain” by Tanya R Simon, which movingly chronicles the life of an abuse survivor. For my review on Amazon please visit the following link (http://www.amazon.co.uk/review/RC6TSVMG04E7K/ref=cm_cr_pr_perm?ie=UTF8&ASIN=B00PMDOKG0).

 

Charlie Hebdo Front Cover

Leave a reply

The Independent and The Guardian are, I understand the only 2 leading UK newspapers who have published the cover of the latest Charlie Hebdo. In the interests of freedom of expression the article in The Independent is linked to here (http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/europe/charlies-back–and-controversial-as-ever–as-its-staff-take-aim-at-powerful-new-friends-9974065.html).

A Modern Wasteland

6 Replies

Last night I dreamed of a library. I wandered around unable to locate what I was looking for although, as is frequently the case with dreams it was not at all clear what, exactly I was in search of. Looking back on my dreaming I can not, in point of fact recollect having encountered a single work of literature.

Loud music filled the institution making concentration all but impossible. I approached the librarian asking that the volume be turned down or, preferably silenced completely. She informed me that the people liked it. That this was, in fact the modern way.

Are we living in a culture so devoid of meaning that my dream is fast becoming the reality? I avoid reality TV like the plague however, while in doctors surgeries and other similar venues one can not but help coming across shows such as Jeremy Kyle in which inadequate individuals launder their dirty clothes in public. The audience (both that present in the studio and those viewing remotely) are treated to the unedifying spectacle of supposedly rational human beings frequently screaming abuse at one another.

“You slept with my sister”

A woman yells at her boyfriend – etc, etc.

Doubtless many of those who appear on programmes such as Jeremy Kyle do require help. However the assistance needed is that furnished by relationship counsellors, social workers or other professionals. Such shows are modern manifestations of a dessicated culture. One in which entertainment is substituted for serious thought. In the past the Romans watched gladiators fight to the death or “enjoyed” the spectacle of Christians being thrown to the lions. Today the audience cheers, boos and laughs as those in search of their fleeting moment of fame make fools of themselves on television. T S Eliot’s Wasteland seems so very appropriate for our times (http://www.bartleby.com/201/1.html).

Have I Not Reason To Lament What Man Has Made Of Man

7 Replies

The wind gusts and a bird in a tree above my head sings. It is a wonderful windswept day in the environs of Crystal Palace. yet in France, in the past week fanatics with hate in their hearts have committed atrocities. None the less the bird still pours out his soul. The poignant singing gladdening and tearing my heart apart simultaneously.