Tag Archives: humour

Breakdown

When my landline rang earlier today, I was in 2 minds as to whether or not I should answer it. Other than my mum, few people call me at home, most of my arrangements to meet with friends being made either via email, face-to-face or, occasionally via text message.

My home number is not in the Directory so no one (other than those I choose to give my number to) should know it. However, for whatever reason, my number has fallen into the hands of scammers who entertain me from time to time with their antics.

Returning to today, I determined to answer my landline:

Me: “Hello?”
Unidentified individual: “how are you today?”
Me: “OK”.
Unidentified individual: “your breakdown cover has expired”.

I was, of course concerned that the breakdown insurance I have for my guide dog needed renewing. How could I have been so absent minded as to forget to pay my annual premium for breakdown Cover to Dogs Are Us Breakdown Insurance LTD. I knew that I ought to have set up an automatic direct debit so as to ensure that the cover renews without me having to take any action, but chose not to do so.

I was, of course deeply concerned that no mechanic from Dogs Are Us Breakdown Insurance LTD would come out where my guide dog to develop a mechanical fault, consequently I reached, straight away for my bank details and provided them to the nice gentleman at the other end of the line.

I must go now as I need to check whether my bank account has been debited in favour of Dogs Are Us Breakdown Insurance LTD …

When A Beautiful Spy Who Looked Forlorn

When a beautiful spy who looked forlorn
Said, “I must surely die at dawn”,
And I replied, “you are very hot”,
She said, “I thank you a lot,
But I still must die at dawn!”.

When A Young Lady Named Lyme

When a young lady named Lyme
Asked, “would you like a good time?”,
I said, “would you take a look
In my newly published poetry book,,
As I’m sure you’re into great rhyme!

A Young Lady Whose Name Is White

A young lady whose name is White
Visited my website late last night,
And left a message truly shocking
About the loss of shoe and stocking,
Do you think she’ll be back tonight?

I Know A Young Lady Named Pam

I know a young lady named Pam
Who is extremely fond of strawberry jam.
Whilst I’ve oft been in her kitchen
And watched her with great skill stitching,
I’ve never got my hands on jam!

When A Young Lady Named Ann

When a young lady named Ann
Rattled a very large tin can,
And I said, “is that for charity?”
She replied, “no, its for me,
And my man, his name is Stan”.

There Once Was A Lady Named Lou

There once was a lady named Lou
Who made a rather delicious stew,
Composed of a shoe and a toad,
And some bits from the road,
And a dollop of very strong glue!