There once was an elderly gentleman named Bill
Who died leaving a very brief will,
In which he left all of his money
To a pretty young lady called Honey,
And cyanide, to his beloved wife Jill
When a young lady named White
Said, “the vampires are out tonight”,
I said, “I have to confess
That I like your blood red dress,
And tell me, do vampires really bite?”.
A Labour supporter named Bland
Said, “I welcome free broadband,
But as for freedom of choice
And the British taxpayer’s voice,
These concepts I just don’t understand!”.
When a young lady named Lyme
Said, “would you like a good time?”,
I said, “madam, I am moral
But let us 2 not quarrel,
And do come with me to dine”.
When a young lady named Claire
Said, “follow me up this stair”,
Being up for fun
I began to run,
And enjoyed an extremely tasty eclair!
—
When a young lady wearing heels
Said, “come and see the seals”,
I followed her along the beach
But, being just out of reach,
Instead I watched the seals.
I once had a beautiful lover named Rose
Who refused to expose her toes.
And when I asked her “why?”,
She said, “all flesh must die”,
So I wept for Rose and her toes
A talented young man, whilst using bostik
Composed an extremely fine acrostic,
Which went on for ages
And covered 50 large pages,
But the critics response was really caustic!
By the light of my guttering candle
I found a young lady’s sandle,
And on my newly made bed
I saw a pretty blonde head,
Which caused me to drop my candle!
A schoolboy
Crush on a girl of similar age.
Imagine his great joy
When she accepted his lemonade.
But he did regret
For her skirt
Got wet
And the game
Of flirt
He played
Ended in shame
And the loss of his lemonade!
A young man named Hogg
Owns a very bad dog.
It stole the stocking
Of poor miss Hocking,
And Hogg he stole her clog!
—
A young lady dressed in pink
Gave me a knowing wink
And said to me, “come and see
What lies behind that fine old oaktree”,
And her hair it had a kink.
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K Morris - Poet 