When an owl who’s name is Lou
Said, “TO-WIT, TO-WHOO”,
A vicar named Ted
Jumped out of bed
And made her a pot of stew!
—
When a lady by the name of Lou
Said, “TO-WIT, TO-WHOO”,
Her boyfriend John
Said, “you are so far gone.
I suggest you move to a zoo”!
There was a young lady called Natasha
Who purchased a potato masher.
But when the darned thing broke
She said, “what a joke,
I shall have to use my gnasher”!
I have updated my ‘About’ page to include a brief biography (which was previously lacking). I have also added a further photograph taken in January 2019, but have retained the earlier photograph which shows me with friends and my guide dog Trigger. You can find the updated ‘About’ page here.
The charm
Of a girl’s bare arm
Says far more
Than the hardest hardcore.
This poem, ‘A Dirge’, is not one of Christina Rossetti’s absolute classics, but a phrase from it has had a new lease of life in the last few years: J. K. Rowling borrowed ‘the cuckoo’s calling’ from the poem and used it as the title for one of her novels. As its title suggests, ‘A Dirge’ is a poem of mourning about a loved one who has died.
A Dirge
Why were you born when the snow was falling?
You should have come to the cuckoo’s calling,
Or when grapes are green in the cluster,
Or, at least, when lithe swallows muster
For their far off flying
From summer dying.
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When we die
I wonder where all our lust
Love and hate Goes?
Who knows?
But methinks
That he who drinks
From Hades stream
Is lost in a dreamless dream
With other dust.
Recently I was talking with my family regarding my guide dog, Trigger. During that conversation my sister, Jane mentioned how a colleague had written a humorous poem about Trigger. Although I have not seen this poem, my sister’s mention of it reminded me of my own poem, which is reproduced below.
The below poem is dedicated to my guide dog Trigger, and my generous colleagues who, from time to time sacrifice their lunch to a hungry canine.
—
I am Trigger.
My stomach is bigger
Than you think.
Your lunch will be gone in the blink
Of an Eye.
Then away I fly.
Should you ask “who stole my lunch?” I reply
“Nnot I
But, dear reader, I lie …!..
I have been known to eat plastic.
My reach is elastic.
You think your food Safe?
My friend brace
Yourself for a shock
For I will gobble the lot!
Be it ever so hot!
There was no tea
Just those 2 and me
Making 3.
We 3
did play
A game.
One name
I remember, though the day
And date
Is long forgot.
The evening was not hot,
and they left late.
And I remember the game
But not her name.
In line with my new year resolution to eat healthily, I popped into my local Wetherspoon, the Postal Order (https://www.jdwetherspoon.com/pubs/all-pubs/england/london/the-postal-order-crystal-palace), and enjoyed a healthy breakfast of sausage, bacon, eggs, Hash Browns, baked beans and tomatos. Well the tomato was fresh so can, I feel sure be classified as healthy …
Following my light snack, I popped into the barbbers to have my beard trimmed. As the good man wielded the cut throat razor, I pondered idly on Sweeny Todd (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sweeney_Todd). Fortunately the establishment lacks blacked out windows and as I was shaved customers came and went, so I didn’t end up in Mr Todd’s cellar or in any pies – well this time at any rate …
On leaving the barbers, I visited Upper Norwood Library (https://www.uppernorwoodlibraryhub.org), and enquired whether they would consider stocking my collection of poetry, “The Writer’s Pen and Other Poems”, (https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1730814883/). On learning that I was a local author (I live some 15 minutes walk from the library), the helpful librarian said that they liked to support local authors and took a copy of my book which will, I hope soon appear on the library’s shelves.
I shall close now as I feel the need for a further walk, as my healthy breakfast is still, quite unaccountably weighing me down!
When a pretty young miss
Went in search of a kiss
Her sister Ling
Said, “men want only one thing,
So stay at home young miss …”.
—
When a pretty young miss
Went in search of a kiss
Her sister Ling
Said, “love does sting
So be careful who you kiss …”.
