Monthly Archives: April 2020

I Met A Young Lady On Zoom

I met a young lady on Zoom
Who said she lived on the moon.
I said, “in that famous old nursery rhyme,
Which has been around for such a long time,
Why did the cow jump over the moon?”.

Lou

“Oh Lou, do take off your shoe,
And let down your long blonde hair”.
“There is no harm in that sir.
And as for my shoe,
I’ll do that for you.
But, sir I have 2?”.

“Lou, take off both your shoe”.
“Sir, you must mean shoes.
I beg you to use
Correct grammar, as all gentlemen should!”.

“Dear Lou, please would
You remove your stockings?”.
“Sir, cease your mocking.
I’m not wearing stockings!”.

“Oh dear Lou, that all-in-one
Dress could soon be gone.
Please, do take it off”.
“Sir, you are so extremely persistent,
And I’ve never before been resistant.
But, don’t you hear the cough
Of yonder red-faced shop assistant!”.

Beauty Queen

Men dream
Of a beauty queen.
A few find romance
In Aphrodite’s dance.
Her bare
Arms
And each pert breast
Possess
Such charms.

But, if she be
Merely beauty,
It preys on his mind,
That behind
That pretty face
Lies a vacant place.

Her perfume is sweet
At night.
But, come morning’s light
Body odours defeat
And fresh perfume
Must fill the room.

Yet he
Is as she
And must
Wash and brush.
I
Know that Lust
Has a short sell by date,.
And both love and lust
End in dust.

Whilst Pottering in My Brand New Back Kitchen

Whilst pottering in my brand new back kitchen
I met a beautiful young lady of Hitchin.
She jumped out of my freezer
And asked me to please her.
So I said, “I greatly admire your stichin!”.

There Once Was A Lady Of Hitchin

There once was a lady of Hitchin
Who’s curtains just wouldn’t stop twitchin.
She was shocked by the sinning
Of the young men and women,
Who she watched, whilst at her stichin!