Each text
Would the bishop vex
Where he to know
So
Let us draw a discreet veil
Over his daughter’s conversation
Lest he turn pale
And the congregation
Find something other than hymns
To sing. Yet I think
That I see the devil wink.
I hear him whisper low
“You know
The bishop also
Has his sins …”.
There was a young lady called Flair
Who indulged in many an affair.
Her husband Ted
Found me under their bed
With Flair and his blonde mistress Claire …
There was a young lady called Aphrodite
Who lost her see-through nightie.
She searched high and lo
And I really don’t know
Who has her see-through nightie …
There was a young man called Guy
Who said “a Socialist am I”,
As his housemaid Jane
Poured champagne
For me and my friend Guy
Twas such bliss
Her kiss
So sweet and soft
As we lay
In the hayloft.
Then the devil coughed
And I heard him say
“Apologies, I have terrible hay fever today …”.
There was a young lady called Jill
Who owned a dog named Bill.
While in her local pub
He ate all the grub
And Jill she paid the bill!
There was a young man called Dave
Who slept on a weathered old grave.
Late at night
Much to the ghost’s delight
Dave would rant and rave!
I am told
That one is getting old
When policemen look younger than you.
I’m sure that’s true
But when girls say
In a friendly sort of way
That their dad has the same interests as you,
Then what is a guy to do
Other than smile and accept
That age
Has crept
Up on him like a thief in the bleak night
And that although he may, in the company of young women delight
He must
For the purposes of love or lust
Engage with women of a similar age
As no
Young ladies desire
A grey haired sire.
But oh!
If he have money it may be so …!
There was a young lady called Louise
Who stole a set of keys.
On unlocking the bedroom door
Of a man named Moor
She found that he could tease …
—
An elderly poet called Jim
Married a young lady named Kim.
His verse was terse
And grew steadily worse
But the critics all loved Kim!
There once was a poet called Prout
Who wrote a poem about a sprout.
His verse was so bad
That it drove people mad
And his wife, she threw him out!
