When a vampire called Miss White
Visited me at dead of night
And stood by my bed
In her dress blood red
I wondered if she would bite …!
—
When a vampire called Miss White
Visited me at dead of night
I offered her rump steak
But she refused to partake
And flew into the starless night
When the wife of a man called Ted
Found a stiletto under their bed
She said, “I’m sure that this shoe
Belongs to my good friend Lou!”,
At which Ted turned and fled!
When a bold young man of Bristol
Threatened me with his pistol
I said, with a sigh
“You foolish young guy!
Throw down that water pistol!”.
There once was a ghost called Banquo
Who, having nowhere particular to go
Frightened poor Macbeth
Half to death
As all lovers of Shakespeare know.
When a sheepish young man called Lee
Came Sidling up to me
And said, “your girlfriend Grace
Has a great little place”,
With him I did agree …!
When a sporty young lady called Samantha
Went for a ride on a panther,
The creature, having a stomach ache
Said, “I shall not partake
Of any lunch today Samantha”.
There was a young lady called Holly
Who’s favourite word was golly.
At her boarding school
She broke every rule
Along with her best friend Molly!
—
There was a young lady called Holly
Who’s favourite word was golly.
At her boarding school
She played the fool
Along with a cat named Molly!
—
There was a young lady called Holly
Who wrote poetry far from jolly.
Being rather posh
She said golly and gosh,
And she lived in an ancient folly.
There was a Transhumanist called Guy
Who said “I shall never die”.
But there is a spot,
A graveyard plot
Where his family pause and sigh.
There was a young man of Crystal Palace
Who married a girl from Dallas.
I hear they met
On the internet
And he never went to Dallas.
There was a young shopgirl of Crystal Palace
Who was sometimes known as Alice.
On a day in November
Or was it December?
She left with the till for Dallas!
K Morris - Poet 